Scared of losing my body

[Anonymous]

After seeing this subject line many times I still keep reading it first as “so scared of losing baby”.

Because to me that’s something to fear. Your body is you, it can’t be “lost”. Worry about something that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% if you have more than one your body will suffer. Once you are holding the baby you really won't care.

I wish people would really stop this narrative. Yes, I still care...10 years later. No, my body will never be the same. Yes, it changed after the first and I will never get it back despite weight loss. Things fit differently. It sucks and there is no way around it. It is the price women pay and it makes me really annoyed when people just say "you won't care when you are holding the baby" because it dismisses a woman's feelings and once again makes her feel that she has to sacrifice everything--even her feelings--to have a baby. There is just no respect for women as independent beings.

OP...it is normal to feel this way. You may get close to your body back and you might not. A second is harder than a first but a first can still change your body permanently (my boobs are bigger forever..which I dont' like and clothes fit differently even after 1...after 2, it was worse). My oldest is 10. I still miss my prebaby body. These are normal feelings and you are not alone.

+1. No one would tell a woman undergoing chemo that it's shallow to miss having hair.

No one would tell a woman undergoing chemo that she chose to have cancer. Pregnancy is a choice.

It's not always. Something like half of the pregnancies in the US are unplanned. And even great birth control methods can fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I got my body back almost immediately without much effort. If you're younger, it helps.

I will add, OP -- a lot of this feels outside your control, but there are practical things you can do. Don't lift heavy things or do crunches/any ab exercise on your back. Don't give yourself permission to eat for two. Counterintuitively, don't rush back into exercise soon after birth; focus on healthy eating.

This is not true. Do what you already do.

See:
https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdjRujFy/

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdjRpXGH/

I would consult your doctor.

[Anonymous]

OP, there’s only so much you can control about how your body will respond to pregnancy and childbirth. I think it’s loss of control (real or perceived) that’s hardest. It’s not shallow to worry about how your body will respond to a major stressor. Control what you can and accept what you can’t. It’s the only way.

[Anonymous]

There are going to be permanent changes to your body, inside and out, but there’s nothing you can do about it,

[Anonymous]

Is your H reassuring you?

I thought I’d be really worried but my H is amazing at reassuring me. He genuinely finds pregnancy to be beautiful, is always lavishing attention on my body, and when I bring up my worries (saggy boobs, stretch marks, vaginal damage, etc) he reassures me he will love those things because they’re from growing our baby. Or he makes a perverted joke about everything he’s gonna do with my saggy tits, lol.

So maybe talk to your H about it?

[Anonymous]

You have to look at the other members of your biological family to know what happened to their bodies with the advent pregnancy. Seeing my mom and my sister naked I saw the destruction of pregnancy upon their bodies. Nooo wayyy would I ever become pregnant.

[Anonymous]

^^

Me too. It is one of the reasons I adopted my 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm, you baby proof the bathroom and have the toddler play next to the tub while you shower. Clear shower curtain so you can see them. When he was a bit smaller, pack n play.

Add in 2 more kids and let’s talk then.

You can 7 children. The answer is the same:

While they sleep
While your partner watches them
While they are safely contained

If someone ever has 7 toddlers, I grant them the right to not shower.

I have 2 kids, 3 and 6. When they were 1 and 4, or 2 and 5, if for some reason I thought they couldn’t be unattended and needed to shower during the day while they’re awake, enter: the iPad.

Otherwise, like everyone else said. Night. Nap. When someone else is watching them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% if you have more than one your body will suffer. Once you are holding the baby you really won't care.

I wish people would really stop this narrative. Yes, I still care...10 years later. No, my body will never be the same. Yes, it changed after the first and I will never get it back despite weight loss. Things fit differently. It sucks and there is no way around it. It is the price women pay and it makes me really annoyed when people just say "you won't care when you are holding the baby" because it dismisses a woman's feelings and once again makes her feel that she has to sacrifice everything--even her feelings--to have a baby. There is just no respect for women as independent beings.

OP...it is normal to feel this way. You may get close to your body back and you might not. A second is harder than a first but a first can still change your body permanently (my boobs are bigger forever..which I dont' like and clothes fit differently even after 1...after 2, it was worse). My oldest is 10. I still miss my prebaby body. These are normal feelings and you are not alone.

+1. No one would tell a woman undergoing chemo that it's shallow to miss having hair.

No one would tell a woman undergoing chemo that she chose to have cancer. Pregnancy is a choice.

It's not always. Something like half of the pregnancies in the US are unplanned. And even great birth control methods can fail.

Abortion is an option. If someone chooses not to do that, it's still a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to look at the other members of your biological family to know what happened to their bodies with the advent pregnancy. Seeing my mom and my sister naked I saw the destruction of pregnancy upon their bodies. Nooo wayyy would I ever become pregnant.

Yes, this is accurate in my experience. My mother stayed thin with no visible aftermath (spider veins from aging, but that's it - no stretch marks or sagging, etc). Women's build also plays a role: short-waisted women absolutely get screwed because there is no room for the abdomen to expand without it leaving stretched loose skin. Both my grandmas were 5'0" or 4'11" and short-waisted and their bellies got wrecked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forty five year old non-mom here. It's all gonna go south eventually anyway even if you dont have kids. May as well get a kid or two and have something to blame it on!

There’s a difference between moms and non-moms who age. Don’t be dense.

Can I have the vagina I had before a human being came out of it?

...yes? Childbirth doesn't destroy your vagina for life. That's a hateful, sexist myth.

No, it’s not. I have birth injuries including levator ani avulsion that ruined the integrity of my vagina. I tore along the inside of my vaginal walls during birth, into my perineum, my labia was partially torn off, and my levator ani pelvic floor muscles were torn from the bone. I now have pelvic organ prolapse of my uterus, rectum (rectocele) and bladder (cystocele). I also have vaginal laxity due to these injuries. This is my reality and my injuries are real. I’m glad for you if you escaped childbirth permanently unharmed but many women end up with injuries like mine, it’s just not acceptable to talk about them yet.

+1. My vagina is mostly the same but there is damage. And the other end is damaged even more. Some women need surgery after children. I am having issues 10 years later. No one talks about this and acts like there is no risk to childbirth. It can seriously permanently damage a woman’s body.

THIS. It’s definitely not a myth — I wish I had taken it more seriously instead of listening to the male OBs telling me vaginas are magical at healing. Pelvic floor damage is so common and yet unacceptable to talk about. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

I know many people have issues but I was slim before and am still slim (5'6, 118 lbs). The skin around my navel is a bit stretched but the shape of my belly is almost identical to what it was before giving birth twice (singletons, vaginal delivery). My youngest is 2.5 and I am no spring chicken (43). I don't have any pelvic floor damage. My vagina is also fine, tyvm.

My boobs are a bit deflated but they're actually bigger than they were pre-kids, so overall I feel about the same about them (not ideal but no complaints).

OP, I know it's hard to comprehend it now, but once the kid comes, you just won't care the same way about what you look like. I mean, you will care, but the kid will overwhelm you with joy.

[Anonymous]

I think genetics and overall health does play a part, but I would mentally prep for any possibility. I've never had a hard time with weight so take my perspective with a grain of salt. While pregnant with my first I just worked towards coming to a mental place where I was okay no matter what happened. I have three, youngest is 3 months, and I'm back to my prepregnancy size just bigger breasts for now. I thought my age would work against me, I'm 36, but so far very little has changed with exception to my breasts that sag something serious after my milk pretty much levels out. I've thought of getting breast enhancements but I'll revisit that in some years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t lose mine. Until menopause that is. Once menopause hits you can be thin but you get saggy. [/quote

]

Tell that to J. LO and Liz Hurley...