No ring

[Anonymous]

OP how old are you??

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Are you engaged now or waiting for him to buy a ring and propose?
If you are engaged, why was he under the impression he shouldn’t propose with a ring? Why didn’t you tell him you wanted one?
It seems you have not communicated about the ring, the wedding, or the honeymoon…are you actually planning on getting married soon or are you both just talking about marriage as likely in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents will pay for the wedding on whatever budget they decide. As they have not offered to pay for a honeymoon, I guess there will not be one, as he has not brought it up nor has he mentioned anything about his family contributing.

What will you contribute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd marry someone who insisted on a ring.

But why?

I'm a NP and a woman, but I definitely agree with this sentiment. to me, somebody who insists on a ring shows that they value superficial things over other, more important things we could spend $$ on (a house, paying off loans, etc) and that doesn't line up with my values. if I was a man and my fiancee demanded a ring, I'd rethink if that's a person I want to tie my future to. (and for what it's worth, I am married and did not want a ring because I thought the money would be better spent elsewhere. my fiance really wanted to get me one, so we compromised and got a small moissanite for $300).

While I disagree wanting a ring is superficial (it can be, but not necessarily), I think a disagreement shows a lack of alignment in values that can lead to marital problems.

My xH is like this, very practical, only wanted to spend money on things like a house and save/invest the rest. Whereas I do place value on symbolic representations of our relationship such as a ring, but also things like dates, vacations, other "frivolous" things we can enjoy together. So ultimately I felt like he didn't love me because he didn't want to spend money on the things that were important to me, and he was extremely anxious that I didn't share his financial values and goals.

I'd say the bigger problem is an inability to compromise. A woman who insists on a very expensive ring that a man can't really afford is a red flag, but so is a man who refuses to buy a ring because he finds women's needs superficial. In a healthy relationship, both partners' wants and values and taken into consideration, and you compromise by finding a ring that makes both parties happy.

A ring is not a "women's need", it's simply a personal desire. Lots of us aren't interested in them at all, so don't attribute this as something all women "need". You make it sound like he thinks tampons are a frippery. Now that's a need!

For many women, myself included, it is a need. To me it’s symbolic of commitment, holds deep cultural meaning, and makes me feel more secure. Just because some women don’t want it, or because men don’t value it, doesn’t mean it’s not important or not valuable.

Is English your second language? You do not understand the difference between a want and a need.

I have this conversation with my toddlers and tweenagers!

A want is not a need!

[Anonymous]

You can get a perfectly lovely ring for like $100. Refusing to spend money on a meaningful symbol is mean.

[Anonymous]

“Holds deep cultural meaning”, wow. Just wow. You all have no idea the whole thing was a marketing ploy, huh? It’s gauche, materialistic, and impractical. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents will pay for the wedding on whatever budget they decide. As they have not offered to pay for a honeymoon, I guess there will not be one, as he has not brought it up nor has he mentioned anything about his family contributing.

It sounds like neither of you should get married, if you can't work through buying a ring or funding a honeymoon, if you want these things. Sounds like he will not take other things you want into account when you get married, which is not a good way to start a life together.

Stop planning a wedding or engagement and get some individual therapy OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Holds deep cultural meaning”, wow. Just wow. You all have no idea the whole thing was a marketing ploy, huh? It’s gauche, materialistic, and impractical. Grow up.

Please. Proposing with an engagement ring is the norm. You may not want one but most women do. This doesn’t, however, mean it has to be expensive and it should certainly be within the proposer’s budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Are you engaged now or waiting for him to buy a ring and propose?
If you are engaged, why was he under the impression he shouldn’t propose with a ring? Why didn’t you tell him you wanted one?
It seems you have not communicated about the ring, the wedding, or the honeymoon…are you actually planning on getting married soon or are you both just talking about marriage as likely in the future.

Yes. I also have all of these questions

[Anonymous]

I give her a ring. What does she give me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Holds deep cultural meaning”, wow. Just wow. You all have no idea the whole thing was a marketing ploy, huh? It’s gauche, materialistic, and impractical. Grow up.

Please. Proposing with an engagement ring is the norm. You may not want one but most women do. This doesn’t, however, mean it has to be expensive and it should certainly be within the proposer’s budget.

$2,000 bachelor weekends with strippers, cheating, and alcohol poisoning are also the norm. Don’t make it right.

[Anonymous]

I call troll.

Have you offered to pay for anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd marry someone who insisted on a ring.

But why?

I'm a NP and a woman, but I definitely agree with this sentiment. to me, somebody who insists on a ring shows that they value superficial things over other, more important things we could spend $$ on (a house, paying off loans, etc) and that doesn't line up with my values. if I was a man and my fiancee demanded a ring, I'd rethink if that's a person I want to tie my future to. (and for what it's worth, I am married and did not want a ring because I thought the money would be better spent elsewhere. my fiance really wanted to get me one, so we compromised and got a small moissanite for $300).

While I disagree wanting a ring is superficial (it can be, but not necessarily), I think a disagreement shows a lack of alignment in values that can lead to marital problems.

My xH is like this, very practical, only wanted to spend money on things like a house and save/invest the rest. Whereas I do place value on symbolic representations of our relationship such as a ring, but also things like dates, vacations, other "frivolous" things we can enjoy together. So ultimately I felt like he didn't love me because he didn't want to spend money on the things that were important to me, and he was extremely anxious that I didn't share his financial values and goals.

I'd say the bigger problem is an inability to compromise. A woman who insists on a very expensive ring that a man can't really afford is a red flag, but so is a man who refuses to buy a ring because he finds women's needs superficial. In a healthy relationship, both partners' wants and values and taken into consideration, and you compromise by finding a ring that makes both parties happy.

A ring is not a "women's need", it's simply a personal desire. Lots of us aren't interested in them at all, so don't attribute this as something all women "need". You make it sound like he thinks tampons are a frippery. Now that's a need!

For many women, myself included, it is a need. To me it’s symbolic of commitment, holds deep cultural meaning, and makes me feel more secure. Just because some women don’t want it, or because men don’t value it, doesn’t mean it’s not important or not valuable.

Is English your second language? You do not understand the difference between a want and a need.

Ha! Nice dig at me, but no, it is not.

Emotional needs are just as important as physical needs. For me, the symbolic gesture of commitment and of investing in what is important to me meets an emotional need. Other women have different needs. None are wrong or insignificant. Likewise, my partner has certain emotional needs that I meet, and I’m happy to do so.

Even if you want to label is as just a “personal desire”, that doesn’t mean it’s not important. One of the major reasons to get married is to fulfill personal desires. If you’re just looking out for yourself, what’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Holds deep cultural meaning”, wow. Just wow. You all have no idea the whole thing was a marketing ploy, huh? It’s gauche, materialistic, and impractical. Grow up.

Please. Proposing with an engagement ring is the norm. You may not want one but most women do. This doesn’t, however, mean it has to be expensive and it should certainly be within the proposer’s budget.

$2,000 bachelor weekends with strippers, cheating, and alcohol poisoning are also the norm. Don’t make it right.

I don’t know anyone who did this. Most guys I know do something like a camping trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who wants to marry you but refuses to offer a ring, even when they know you want one?

A control and power struggle already?! In a country and culture where the VAST amount of people do engagement rings and wedding bands?!?

Yikes. Full stop.