If you don’t have that best friend mother-daughter relationship, how come?

[Anonymous]

My mom is BPD and narcissistic so we most definitely don’t have that relationship but I am curious about other people.

[Anonymous]

If you met my mom and saw how she treated me, you'd know why.

[Anonymous]

My mom has always despised me, finding fault with everything I’ve done in my life. The problem is that my dad has indirectly enabled her by not intervening.
Too bad I did not grow up in the USA.

[Anonymous]

Mine has always been a “role swapper”, verbally/physically/psychologically abusive, rewrites history, likely has undiagnosed ADHD, is a former “cool kid”, etc.

Huge narcissist.

[Anonymous]

I wanted it. And then I realized that my mother tried to make me weird, and also imply that I was both not a good enough person for society but also nobody I chose to be friends with was good enough for me. I ultimately figured out my mother wanted me to have no friends, so that she could be my best and only friend. While I was under her roof she achieved this. Because I was never allowed friends over. I could count on two hands the number of times I had friends over in the 20 years I lived there.

It won't work. I have tried to let her in, in numerous ways, to no avail.

[Anonymous]

My mom is emotionally distant.

[Anonymous]

My daughter and I are not besties, she is a gentler version of her domineering father, my ex, . But we are friends, unlike my mom and I - my mom was a victim of her emotions, and was never able to relax and just be. She couldn't tolerate negativity even for a second, so I could never fully share. I've had to work to overcome that in myself.

[Anonymous]

My mother is deceased. We were friends prior, but a big barrier to us having a closer relationship was her obsession with my younger sister. We couldn’t have a visit or conversation where my mom didn’t bring her up excessively and when I pointed this out nicely my mom would say things like “well, I guess I just shouldn’t speak then.” And she would avidly defend the favoritism when it was so so so obvious to everyone, not just me. Yet she would get angry if anyone pointed it out. To my sister, our mother was a saint.

[Anonymous]

My mom was very emotionally needy. It wasn't a fun sort of friendship, it was that needy friend constantly seeking attention. She passed away a while ago, and while it was hard, it was also a kind of relief. Knowing this makes me very sad.

My own relationship with my daughter is completely different, but I'm not sure it'll be better. We are very different but also seem to sometimes push each other's buttons. Still, I'm hoping for a less codependent type of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is BPD and narcissistic so we most definitely don’t have that relationship but I am curious about other people.

No we don't. For a variety of reasons that would take up pages here. But, crib notes is that she got pregnant with me as a teenager and blamed me for "not having an adolescence", both in action and she has said those things. Also, I've gone on to make better choices than her, which she resents. There are other things, as well.

[Anonymous]

My mother and I are not best friends. I lived with her until I was seven. After that I grew up living with my father, my stepmother and my siblings from them. My mother does not have other children. I went away to college, my father died while I was in college. After college I went to live with my stepmother and my brothers for the summer before I started graduate school.

I found out after my father died that the reason I went to live with my father was because he agreed to pay my mother child support but have me live with him. My mother always made me feel guilty about living with my father, but the reality is she wanted the money but not me. Because he would have still paid the child support if I was living with her.

My stepmother is my best friend.

[Anonymous]

My mom was very controlling when I was growing up. She never learned to let go and stop parenting. As an adult I always felt smothered and not heard. She also used me as her therapist and it's all sorts of boundary-crossing dysfunction. We loved each fiercely, but we never had a normal, healthy adult relationship.

[Anonymous]

My mom isn’t the friend type. I know she loves me, but she hasn’t called once since March. She doesn’t ask to talk to the kids. She cares about herself and her misses trips.

[Anonymous]

My mom and I are close, but we aren’t best friends. I always found that creepy. She is my mother, and was never interested in being a friend.

[Anonymous]

B/c she has her own friends and I have my own friends?