Ex from a long time ago's mom died
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I had dated Mr. Almost Right But Not Quite for 4 years in my mid 20s. We were very serious and I got to know his family, especially his mom, very well. I went on family trips with them, attended weddings and funerals, etc. We broke up on not great terms and that was pretty much that. I heard through the grapevine that his mom died last month. She was a sweet, gentle lady and I have very fond memories of her that I'd like to share with him. My DH thinks that it would be a kindness to write a short note because people appreciate hearing about the impact their loved ones had on their lives. I wouldn't want to invade his privacy or have him think that I've been holding a flame for 15 years. I don't have an address. Just an email. What would you do? |
Anonymous
| If you broke up on great terms then no need for him to think you're holding a flame for him. |
Anonymous
| Nope. |
Anonymous
| I would. It’s a kindness. |
Anonymous
| I would too. The email would just focus on how much you thought of his mom and condolences, I would not catch him up on your life etc. |
Anonymous
| No. It’s a confusing time for him and since you didn’t finish on good terms, it is best you stay out. |
Anonymous
|
Don't.
If a bunch of exes came out of the woodwork when my mom died I would have been pretty annoyed. If you really want to do something, make an anonymous donation to a charitable cause that you know she/the family cared about. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Derive the note |
Anonymous
| Write |
Anonymous
| A heartfelt note is a nice gesture. People appreciate hearing/knowing that their loved one was loved. |
Anonymous
|
It's weird imo. If you kept in touch with her I could see it, but out of the blue it will add to his stress. Especially since you had a bad breakup.
I would pass OP. |
Anonymous
| It's not weird at all--it's kind and respectful. She is woman that was special to you regardless of how long ago or what the circumstances were that you lost touch. A short note to express your condolences is not weird as long as just stays on topic and doesn't drift to your ex-bf. |
Anonymous
|
I would send the email.
I would keep it brief--something along these lines "I was very sorry to hear of your mom's passing. I have fond memories of her kindness." This is key in my opinon--I would be sure to include your DH (and kids if you have them) in my closing. "Our deepest condolences. X Family" or "Your name & DH's name." Yes, I get that this person did/does not know your DH, I just think it makes it clear that you're expressing your sympathy at the loss of your x's mom and not trying to start anything up. |
Anonymous
| No. Leave it alone. |