Ex from a long time ago's mom died

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad you sent it, OP. I can't believe how many poorly adjusted, paranoid, nasty people with no social skills told you not to!

That's not necessarily the case here, genius.

[Anonymous]

EMAIL a condolence? EMAIL? That is worse than no condolence. That is Florida low-class. You always write a condolence note on nice stationery.

Just how low-class are the upper-middle class DCUM-ers on this board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:EMAIL a condolence? EMAIL? That is worse than no condolence. That is Florida low-class. You always write a condolence note on nice stationery.

Just how low-class are the upper-middle class DCUM-ers on this board?

It's not worse than no condolence. Done is better than perfect.

[Anonymous]

There’s some interesting commentary from some cold people on this thread. Real world advice, if you cared enough about someone to be involved for a significant amount of time, it makes total sense to express sympathy. Several exes have lost loved ones and posted about it on FB and they all responded with a note of thanks when I reached out to offer my condolences. If you really have to think this hard about it, then ask yourself if you are doing it to show compassion as one human being to another, or expecting something in return? A simple “I’m sorry for your loss” will do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex had the nerve to show up at his mom's funeral. Now that was way over the top, and she only embarrassed herself.

Exes suddenly showing up at funerals are a problem and ultimately a selfish move. A brief note or flowers seems ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex had the nerve to show up at his mom's funeral. Now that was way over the top, and she only embarrassed herself.

Exes suddenly showing up at funerals are a problem and ultimately a selfish move. A brief note or flowers seems ok.

I'm still not understanding why this is inappropriate unless they were hitting on your spouse. If they knew the parent , why shouldn't they come?

[Anonymous]

Because funerals are mainly for the grieving and it adds something they don’t need to deal with then. They are likely already emotionally exhausted. Unless the exes are on good terms and remain friendly, best not to take advantage of the opportunity to make an appearance for the wrong reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because funerals are mainly for the grieving and it adds something they don’t need to deal with then. They are likely already emotionally exhausted. Unless the exes are on good terms and remain friendly, best not to take advantage of the opportunity to make an appearance for the wrong reasons.

I had exes come to the funeral. They come because they respected the person or cared about them, to show support for the family. Maybe it's a regional cultural thing.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a nice gesture. Something short like "I heard your mom passed away and wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. She was a kind and wonderful woman and I have very fond memories of her. Hope you and your family are well."

Don't ask any questions, don't expect a response.

[Anonymous]

It depends. I was at two funerals where this happened and it added stress to the situation. Think of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I was at two funerals where this happened and it added stress to the situation. Think of the family.

An email note from an ex offering condolescense caused stress for families?

[Anonymous]

Glad you wrote the note OP. I agree with your DH that it was a kindness. Especially this year, when due to COVID-19 and cancelled funerals, people don't have the same opportunities for grieving and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I was at two funerals where this happened and it added stress to the situation. Think of the family.

An email note from an ex offering condolescense caused stress for families?

No, they showed up to the funeral after years of no contact. A note would have been better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my dad, just died. I really appreciated the stories and memories people shared of him and the impact they had on their lives.

I'm a facebook user, so many of these messages were on facebook.

Keep it short and sweet offer, your condolensces and the memory.

I felt the same way when my dad died. Every short sweet sentence warmed my heart.
Glad to hear OP reached out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex had the nerve to show up at his mom's funeral. Now that was way over the top, and she only embarrassed herself.

how did she embarrass herself? Unless you explain, I'm left to think that you and your insecurity are the issue here.