How come luck is not often mentioned as part of a successful marriage?

[Anonymous]

I get all the "making good choices" and "marriage takes work" comments. But isn't it sometimes flat out luck that a marriage partner continues to take their vows seriously? And as people grow older and change, they remain compatible?

Understand that in the US, working hard is thought to create luck, however the ability to keep a healthy marriage going has many components and with all the diversions of modern day life, not discounting luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get all the "making good choices" and "marriage takes work" comments. But isn't it sometimes flat out luck that a marriage partner continues to take their vows seriously? And as people grow older and change, they remain compatible?

Understand that in the US, working hard is thought to create luck, however the ability to keep a healthy marriage going has many components and with all the diversions of modern day life, not discounting luck.

People don't like 'luck' because it implies that they have no control.

[Anonymous]

Luck is not a thing which exists. Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor are some of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Lick is a justification people use to explain their particular negative marriage situation and ultimate failure.

[Anonymous]

Luck that you don't have something horrible happen like a job loss or illness or something like that, sure.

Fidelity does not require luck in any way.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. Person with a great marriage here. I absolutely believe luck has been a factor for us. Not the biggest factor - not even in the top 10 factors - but a factor, yes. Also, that doesnt mean we havent seen horrible days. We have.
People who think a happy marriage is 100 percent in their control are people on a smug power trip IMO.

[Anonymous]

Of course luck plays a huge role! People on here like to congratulate themselves for making good choices and being dedicated, but they have no idea what it’s like to be in a marriage with someone who isn’t interested or capable of “Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor.” None of us have control over someone else. If only one person is capable of doing these things, there’s no way to make a marriage work.

Getting married is a total leap of faith that the person that you are committing to is who s/GE says s/he is, and isn’t going to change in such a significant way that the “Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor“ goes out the window. There are red flags and green flags, but no guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luck is not a thing which exists. Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor are some of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Lick is a justification people use to explain their particular negative marriage situation and ultimate failure.

How would you describe a marriage that failed because one partner became mentally ill? That wasn’t a failure of any kind on the part of the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Luck is not a thing which exists. Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor are some of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Lick is a justification people use to explain their particular negative marriage situation and ultimate failure.

How would you describe a marriage that failed because one partner became mentally ill? That wasn’t a failure of any kind on the part of the other person.

Crazy people like PP will say.. family history or there were signs.

They are just straight up ignorant and want to believe everything they have is from "hard work" and "good decisions".

Their shit will eventually hit the fan, it always does.

[Anonymous]

How about just luck that you meet someone that you are compatible with. Sometimes when that doesn't happen, there is compromise and some of the compromises are mistakes (or bad choices). But if you don't make them, then you won't even have the chance at a good marriage.

I happen to be in the category of successful marriages - going on 30 years. But, I do think an awful lot of it was meeting a right person (don't really believe there is only one right person for everyone, but there are definitely wrong ones).

[Anonymous]

I think there is luck when you don’t grow apart over the years. A lot of people change drastically over the years particularly if they married fairly young. I personally have changed, DH has changed, and it’s good that we didn’t become less compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get all the "making good choices" and "marriage takes work" comments. But isn't it sometimes flat out luck that a marriage partner continues to take their vows seriously? And as people grow older and change, they remain compatible?

Understand that in the US, working hard is thought to create luck, however the ability to keep a healthy marriage going has many components and with all the diversions of modern day life, not discounting luck.

People don't like 'luck' because it implies that they have no control.

And others don’t like luck because you can’t blame a person who is unlucky.

[Anonymous]

Luck plays a role in everything. But if that’s what you count on you’re screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Luck is not a thing which exists. Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor are some of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Lick is a justification people use to explain their particular negative marriage situation and ultimate failure.

How would you describe a marriage that failed because one partner became mentally ill? That wasn’t a failure of any kind on the part of the other person.

Thinking the same thing. Many marriages don't survive the death of a child, a cancer diagnosis, etc. Person number 1 here sounds intolerably smug.

[Anonymous]

I was VERY lucky. I got married at 22 after knowing him a year. That could have easily been a dumpster fire marriage

[Anonymous]

Of course luck is a factor, and in fact a huge factor. Take the top two reasons couples fight and ultimately divorce: money and sex. Either one has an element of luck to it, meaning you could choose a career that tanks or gets hit by an economic change, get stricken with an illness that wipes out your savings, have a special needs child that does the same. Or they develop an illness, mental or physical, that destroys their libido, or hormonal changes that do the same after kids come.

There is no substitute for choosing wisely and looking for red flags but luck is as big of a factor as any.