How come luck is not often mentioned as part of a successful marriage?

[Anonymous]

Luck is a huge part of everything. I was born with a disability into a MC family in the US and not born into poverty in Tanzania. I did fine because I was lucky. But it's easy to get lucky and piss it away so you need to work hard to sustain it.

[Anonymous]

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

[Anonymous]

Luck matters I life, but not that much.

It’s the old saying, the harder I work the luckier I get.

Not everything in marriage is controllable or foreseeable, so luck matters, but probably hard work and dedication matter more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Luck is not a thing which exists. Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor are some of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Lick is a justification people use to explain their particular negative marriage situation and ultimate failure.

How would you describe a marriage that failed because one partner became mentally ill? That wasn’t a failure of any kind on the part of the other person.

See: commitment

Do you know that intractable mental illness is one of the few reasons that the Catholic Church has always accepted for spouses to separate permanently. Even in the Middle Ages, you were not expected to live with someone who was insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

+1

[Anonymous]

My best friend and I married men from identical backgrounds down to family of origin SES, education, ethnicity, religion, and family of origin size. 25 years later, her DH has not been unfaithful to her, has never been unemployed, does not smoke pot, and has never been committed to a mental health facility. Most of all, he has never abused her. My XH did all of those things. Luck is a huge part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

You’re too dumb to understand it. Too bad.

If two intelligent, successful, stable parents have children, those children are not “lucky”. Those children and their circumstances are the product of deliberate choices and planning on the part of their parents. It was not random chance at all, so it is stupid to speak of luck in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend and I married men from identical backgrounds down to family of origin SES, education, ethnicity, religion, and family of origin size. 25 years later, her DH has not been unfaithful to her, has never been unemployed, does not smoke pot, and has never been committed to a mental health facility. Most of all, he has never abused her. My XH did all of those things. Luck is a huge part of it.

If one man makes bad choices and another doesn’t, that is not luck at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

You’re too dumb to understand it. Too bad.

If two intelligent, successful, stable parents have children, those children are not “lucky”. Those children and their circumstances are the product of deliberate choices and planning on the part of their parents. It was not random chance at all, so it is stupid to speak of luck in this case.

NP Great, but maybe you were lucky they "picked" you over any other random child who ended up going to less fortunate circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Luck is not a thing which exists. Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor are some of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Lick is a justification people use to explain their particular negative marriage situation and ultimate failure.

How would you describe a marriage that failed because one partner became mentally ill? That wasn’t a failure of any kind on the part of the other person.

See: commitment

Do you know that intractable mental illness is one of the few reasons that the Catholic Church has always accepted for spouses to separate permanently. Even in the Middle Ages, you were not expected to live with someone who was insane.

I didn't know this. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people who discount luck as a factor (in marriage, in life) are simply blinded by privilege.

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into. Some people are born into stable homes with mature, loving parents. Others are born into unstable homes with immature, struggling parents. That completely arbitrary event will affect how your marriage (and every other relationship in your life) operates throughout your life. People who have never experienced abuse or neglect might pat themselves on the back for their commitment and fidelity to their marriages, without ever understanding the role luck play into helping them develop a sense of self as a child that makes it easier for them to make "good" choices as an adult.

Of course, having said that, luck isn't everything. I experienced abuse and neglect as a child that has required years of therapy and work on my end to get to help me get to a point where I could be a good partner and parent to my own kids. That work was my choice. I got unlucky with my own family but I was determined to make sure my children would be lucky with theirs.

But then, I'm glossing over some of my own luck/privileges here. I've never had to deal with racism as a white person, which has made it easier for me to access mental health care and other resources to help me overcome my dysfunctional childhood. And while my parents were abusive and neglectful, I was extremely lucky to grow up in a place with great public schools and a strong community, which was a huge factor in me recognizing what was going on in my own family and deciding to break that cycle. Plus I have physical and mental advantages that have made it easier for me to earn money to help pay for all that therapy, and enabled me to wait to get married or have children when I felt I had the personal maturity and resources to do so responsibly. There's a ton of luck in that.

People who brag about their marriage, or any aspect of their life, without acknowledging the role of luck and privilege, simply don't understand how the world works on a deep level. Very, very fortunate people are often that way. They look at other people struggling and think, "Duh, why don't they just make the same choices I do." Or worse, they look at people struggling and think, "Gosh, I guess some people are just meant to struggle and others are meant to succeed." These ideas -- judgement and entitlement -- are very common. It doesn't make them wise or worthwhile.

This is so true, agree 100%. Thank you for posting.

+1 Well said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

You’re too dumb to understand it. Too bad.

If two intelligent, successful, stable parents have children, those children are not “lucky”. Those children and their circumstances are the product of deliberate choices and planning on the part of their parents. It was not random chance at all, so it is stupid to speak of luck in this case.

This is amazing. You're actually serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

You’re too dumb to understand it. Too bad.

If two intelligent, successful, stable parents have children, those children are not “lucky”. Those children and their circumstances are the product of deliberate choices and planning on the part of their parents. It was not random chance at all, so it is stupid to speak of luck in this case.

How did the children plan to be born into that family rather than the one with 16 year old parents in Appalachia or undocumented migrant farmers?

[Anonymous]

Of course there is a huge amount of luck. Dim people don't understand that, though.