How come luck is not often mentioned as part of a successful marriage?

[Anonymous]

DH and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage in September. We've been incredibly lucky -- from the moment he asked me to dance at a wedding 29 years ago (it was luck that we were both invited in the first place since we didn't know either the bride or groom very well at all). We've been healthy and so have our kids -- that's a tremendous stroke of good fortune, I know, as we've seen other couples torn apart by these struggles. We've done well financially -- sure, we worked, but we also had luck in our favor -- and white privilege. I feel the same way about our kids and how well they're doing -- we did some things right, but mostly it was good luck. And I am grateful every day for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get all the "making good choices" and "marriage takes work" comments. But isn't it sometimes flat out luck that a marriage partner continues to take their vows seriously? And as people grow older and change, they remain compatible?

Understand that in the US, working hard is thought to create luck, however the ability to keep a healthy marriage going has many components and with all the diversions of modern day life, not discounting luck.

Yes, to an extent, as no one can predict or completely control the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about just luck that you meet someone that you are compatible with. Sometimes when that doesn't happen, there is compromise and some of the compromises are mistakes (or bad choices). But if you don't make them, then you won't even have the chance at a good marriage.

I happen to be in the category of successful marriages - going on 30 years. But, I do think an awful lot of it was meeting a right person (don't really believe there is only one right person for everyone, but there are definitely wrong ones).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

You’re too dumb to understand it. Too bad.

If two intelligent, successful, stable parents have children, those children are not “lucky”. Those children and their circumstances are the product of deliberate choices and planning on the part of their parents. It was not random chance at all, so it is stupid to speak of luck in this case.

you really think that everything in a person's life is determined by the person's actions?

Do you think the parents willed the specific sperm to meet that specific egg?

I have two kids with my DH and they couldn't be more different. Different personalities, lkkes, talents. Not because of our parenting. Not because of controlling all the elements of their lives like pieces on a chessboard.. It's their particular genetic mix. It's chance. otherwise, aside from birth order having an impact, they would be exactly the same, right? And, I'd imagine, they will end up with partners who shot them in their own particular ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get all the "making good choices" and "marriage takes work" comments. But isn't it sometimes flat out luck that a marriage partner continues to take their vows seriously? And as people grow older and change, they remain compatible?

Understand that in the US, working hard is thought to create luck, however the ability to keep a healthy marriage going has many components and with all the diversions of modern day life, not discounting luck.

This is work not luck. It takes flexibility and compromise. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luck is not a thing which exists. Trust, fidelity, integrity, commitment, love, and honor are some of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Lick is a justification people use to explain their particular negative marriage situation and ultimate failure.

You better hope you don't ever run out of luck...

[Anonymous]

Look up Fundamental Attribution Error

[Anonymous]

I personally feel as if luck is a major factor in how successful a marriage is or not.

Lucky in love is what makes a relationship solid and ever-lasting.

[Anonymous]

...luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

-Ron Swanson

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up Fundamental Attribution Error

FAE rules dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into.

Ridiculous. You aren’t randomly assigned to a family. Your parents specifically decided to have you.

This is in the top three dumbest comments I've ever read on any site.

You’re too dumb to understand it. Too bad.

If two intelligent, successful, stable parents have children, those children are not “lucky”. Those children and their circumstances are the product of deliberate choices and planning on the part of their parents. It was not random chance at all, so it is stupid to speak of luck in this case.

you really think that everything in a person's life is determined by the person's actions?

Do you think the parents willed the specific sperm to meet that specific egg?

I have two kids with my DH and they couldn't be more different. Different personalities, lkkes, talents. Not because of our parenting. Not because of controlling all the elements of their lives like pieces on a chessboard.. It's their particular genetic mix. It's chance. otherwise, aside from birth order having an impact, they would be exactly the same, right? And, I'd imagine, they will end up with partners who shot them in their own particular ways.

Plus one. Our first child has special needs and the kind that put a tremendous strain on marriage. Our child's therapist told us when we started to be proactive in our marriage since most couples will end up divorced due to the strain of meeting these needs.

Our other kids are normal and relatively easy to raise. It's night and day.

[Anonymous]

Luck? I don't think so. I think luck is what people that make bad choice use to excuse those choices, as it is easier than realizing your decision making sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luck? I don't think so. I think luck is what people that make bad choice use to excuse those choices, as it is easier than realizing your decision making sucks.

I have decided you suck. No luck involved in that decisionmaking.

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty simple: consider what you can control and whether you made good and bad decisions in relation to such things and the. what you can’t control, and then do NOT look at whether you got good or bad outcomes but how you reacted and dealt with such outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Luck? I don't think so. I think luck is what people that make bad choice use to excuse those choices, as it is easier than realizing your decision making sucks.

I have decided you suck. No luck involved in that decisionmaking.

Point made. Thanks.