DH here. I want a degree of medical privacy (HIPPA Yay) from my wife....causing friction
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Anonymous
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I have a scientific background and am good at thinking things through. My wife thinks taking pills is a sign of weakness, and I should seek out alternatives, like better nutrition. Except, my diet is not bad. I do have terrible genetics, though.
As a result of her actions, I stopped having her go to medical appointments with me. And we have 100% different medical professionals. (she picks fights with doctors about running late, billing, etc.). I do not. I discovered this about 10 years into our marriage, when I started having some chronic medical issues (bad genetics meant I developed diabetes at 38; I also have a terrible cardiac history and other issues). When I was diagnosed with cancer, the treatment was to take out the affected organ (kidney; I have two). She found that terribly insulting, and was demanding I get a second opinion. Two doctors, said it. She wanted a third opinion, and wanted to explore natural remedies. Um no. Get the tumor out of me.). After dealing with the cancer and the follow care (including removing another metastatic tumor), I realized she was not a good health care advocate. Now, lets go forward a decade....I have had some heart issues...no attack but four stents. A few weeks ago, while walking, I felt chest pain. I did what I was supposed (sit five minutes), and it went away. My cardiologist ordered a stress test, which I did not pass. So next stop is the Catheterization lab; I will probably get my 5th stent. Wife wants me to delay this because of COVID. She does not want me going to a medical facility. This is not something I can delay. (The angina is getting worse; I think there is a chance I will have a 9-11 moment, and get it done early). I am telling her it is far better to go there before the attack. She thinks the doctors are just trying to make money, and I am a drama queen. I can't fake a nuclear stress test. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry, op. Do you have other close family and friends that can support you? |
Anonymous
| Um, ef her. |
Anonymous
I have cancer, and have found out my husband is a horrible health advocate too. Unfortunately he gossips and overblown things and refuses to actually listen and absorb I formation. So, I no longer tell him anything, or include him in anything about my health. I tell him my doctors numbers, and that if I have a moment where I need to go to the er, he should call my doctor first. I also write everything down, every symptom etc. So, that can be given to a doctor if need be, it is in my “to go” bag. He does not have access to that document.
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Anonymous
| Ignore your wife and listen to your doctor. Sounds like she has terrible anxiety and should see someone about it. |
Anonymous
| Wow, yes of course you need to get the procedure done before something terrible happens. Your wife will just have to get over it. Do you have another family member who can take you to and from the appointment? |
Anonymous
| Ignore her. Also make sure she isn’t your health care proxy and won’t otherwise be in charge of your medical decisions if you become incapacitated. |
Anonymous
| I'm on team DW, but that's irrelevant. It doesn't sound like your DW is not a good health care advocate -- it sounds like she is advocating strenuously on your behalf. Anyway, it's your body and you get to trust the doctor if that's what you choose. I wouldn't shut your wife out since she clearly is fighting for you and is on your side, even though it seems like she is on the opposite side. Try to get her to see that ultimately, it's your choice and she needs to know when to stop pushing for something you don't support yourself. |
Anonymous
Fighting and advocating for someone means supporting and respecting their decisions, not going against them. |
Anonymous
This. I would definitely give someone else medical power of attorney, like right away. |
Anonymous
Yes, that's what I said. |
Anonymous
| DH is like this. He doesn't believe in depression or anxiety. He thinks you should sit in a dark room when you have a headache. I just don't tell him them and go about my life. |
Anonymous
This is really, really important. Make sure she is not on your medical POA if you are incapacitated. You are a young guy. Pick someone wlse to be on your health care proxy. My sister is like this. My lawyer heavily urged me to take her off my health care proxy. Best move I ever made. Seriously. Listen to this poster. You are young. You want a good health care proxy. |
Anonymous
That’s some weird logic you have. |
Anonymous
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