DH here. I want a degree of medical privacy (HIPPA Yay) from my wife....causing friction

[Anonymous]

OP Your wife sounds like a quack and I'm a person that is into eating healthy etc.

Don't engage her. Don't take her to your appointments.
Try not to involve her in anything medical. It sounds like she drags you down mentally.

[Anonymous]

So she thinks cancer should be treated with natural remedies, but is afraid of COVID?

Just tell her to pick up some herbs and get her diet in order, and she won't catch COVID.

[Anonymous]

Follow through with your appointments and the procedure. Life saving measure priority above all else. It’s concerning about your latest scare and she comments it’s about doctors making money. How about the doctor helping to save your life- end of story. She’s right to worry that you have dual co-morbidities that are covid high risks. Could work on better communication and wording to show she cares though. But a heart attack threat is very real and should be addressed. She can choose the holistic approach for herself, but you do you. Have a different family member, clergy or close friend support you on your medical journey. After recovery, it wouldn’t hurt to incorporate some holistic elements, side effects from some medications are worst than what it treats sometimes. Trading one disease for a different one. FWIW, Two of my middle age uncles have your same health issues and they went vegan 10 years ago and it improved their health.

[Anonymous]

she not so low key wants you dead...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on team DW, but that's irrelevant. It doesn't sound like your DW is not a good health care advocate -- it sounds like she is advocating strenuously on your behalf. Anyway, it's your body and you get to trust the doctor if that's what you choose. I wouldn't shut your wife out since she clearly is fighting for you and is on your side, even though it seems like she is on the opposite side. Try to get her to see that ultimately, it's your choice and she needs to know when to stop pushing for something you don't support yourself.

Fighting and advocating for someone means supporting and respecting their decisions, not going against them.

Yes, that's what I said.

No. You said "it doesn't sound like your DW is not a good health care advocate"
Take away those double negatives and that reads "It sounds like your DW is a good health care advocate"
She isn't. She is advocating for what she wants and not listening to her husband. She isn't "fighting for him" she is simply "fighting him" if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

OP needs a divorce. I was also married to "mommy doctor" who was never wrong about anything.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a DOCTOR and is a terrible health advocate. Unless we're actively dying, apparently we don't need anything. He did call 911 when I collapsed.

Luckily I'm a scientist and can sort things out for myself and know when to seek medical help for myself and the kids.

I'm so sorry, OP. With these people, all you can hope is that they call 911 when you need it. The rest you'll have to manage yourself. Wishing you strength!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a scientific background and am good at thinking things through. My wife thinks taking pills is a sign of weakness, and I should seek out alternatives, like better nutrition. Except, my diet is not bad. I do have terrible genetics, though.

As a result of her actions, I stopped having her go to medical appointments with me. And we have 100% different medical professionals. (she picks fights with doctors about running late, billing, etc.). I do not.

I discovered this about 10 years into our marriage, when I started having some chronic medical issues (bad genetics meant I developed diabetes at 38; I also have a terrible cardiac history and other issues). When I was diagnosed with cancer, the treatment was to take out the affected organ (kidney; I have two). She found that terribly insulting, and was demanding I get a second opinion. Two doctors, said it. She wanted a third opinion, and wanted to explore natural remedies. Um no. Get the tumor out of me.).

After dealing with the cancer and the follow care (including removing another metastatic tumor), I realized she was not a good health care advocate.

Now, lets go forward a decade....I have had some heart issues...no attack but four stents. A few weeks ago, while walking, I felt chest pain. I did what I was supposed (sit five minutes), and it went away. My cardiologist ordered a stress test, which I did not pass. So next stop is the Catheterization lab; I will probably get my 5th stent. Wife wants me to delay this because of COVID. She does not want me going to a medical facility. This is not something I can delay. (The angina is getting worse; I think there is a chance I will have a 9-11 moment, and get it done early). I am telling her it is far better to go there before the attack.

She thinks the doctors are just trying to make money, and I am a drama queen. I can't fake a nuclear stress test.

I'm not sure I have any advice but I am sorry you are dealing with this. This sounds terrible. If you have a therapist maybe they can give you a script to use with her.

[Anonymous]

Whether you get another health care proxy or not it may help if you write out your care preferences in great detail and discuss them with your spouse, other proxy and any other family members who might be involved in your care.

[Anonymous]

Don't die of doubt.
Do not ignore your symptoms and delay treatment for potential cardiac conditions.

[Anonymous]

Yes protect yourself legally, she needs to be deprogrammed from quackery. It's all over the internet and many people get caught in the net.

My good friend died because of this. I never thought she was as severe as she was, I was her best friend. Went on a trip one year and found out she never had a mammogram. She was certain her "protocol" and PH strips would protect her from cancer. I finally talked her into going. She ended up with stage 3 breast cancer that was slow growing which she could have easily treated. Instead she decided to take a protocol of who knows what. She claims it shrank, but basically she died within 3 years. Her idiot husband just allowed it instead of being adamant about getting treatment. I didn't find out until I confronted her about her sudden weight loss, and by then it was too late. She was in the final stages which was quite shocking.

You can only protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Since you have so many health issues, can you try both types of remedies? With diabetes and heart problems diet is incredibly important to staying healthy, and as you age (you’re in your 50s?) it’s harder to reverse damage. I’m all about modern medicine, but it can’t fix a poor diet, or even a “mostly good” one that has too large portion sizes or compensate for lack of exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on team DW, but that's irrelevant. It doesn't sound like your DW is not a good health care advocate -- it sounds like she is advocating strenuously on your behalf. Anyway, it's your body and you get to trust the doctor if that's what you choose. I wouldn't shut your wife out since she clearly is fighting for you and is on your side, even though it seems like she is on the opposite side. Try to get her to see that ultimately, it's your choice and she needs to know when to stop pushing for something you don't support yourself.

Fighting and advocating for someone means supporting and respecting their decisions, not going against them.

Yes, that's what I said.

No. You said "it doesn't sound like your DW is not a good health care advocate"
Take away those double negatives and that reads "It sounds like your DW is a good health care advocate"
She isn't. She is advocating for what she wants and not listening to her husband. She isn't "fighting for him" she is simply "fighting him" if you ask me.

Uh, she is advocating for what she thinks is in her husband's best interest. Yes, she is "fighting for him" -- and pretty strenuously. Like I said, she needs to know when to stop pushing for what she thinks is best when OP doesn't agree with her. I'm not sure what your beef is with what I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on team DW, but that's irrelevant. It doesn't sound like your DW is not a good health care advocate -- it sounds like she is advocating strenuously on your behalf. Anyway, it's your body and you get to trust the doctor if that's what you choose. I wouldn't shut your wife out since she clearly is fighting for you and is on your side, even though it seems like she is on the opposite side. Try to get her to see that ultimately, it's your choice and she needs to know when to stop pushing for something you don't support yourself.

Fighting and advocating for someone means supporting and respecting their decisions, not going against them.

Yes, that's what I said.

That’s some weird logic you have.

seriously, that is completely f*ed up "logic". You cannot be simultaneously on team DW yet also advocate for OP to trust the doctor and make his own medical decisions. the two points are exact opposites

[Anonymous]

Sorry if I missed this, but have you two had marriage counseling? Because this is not about your health care decisions, it’s about her respecting your right to make your own decisions about your body and it’s care. It’s a boundary issue.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Good luck and best wishes for improved health.