DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?

[Anonymous]

Here are a few examples of things that have happened lately:

1.) My daughter (3 years old) told me before bed one night that I was “the best mommy ever!” I relayed this story to DH, because DD has been a difficult 3 year old during quarantine lately. His response was that she’s only had one mom so maybe she doesn’t even know what that means.

2.) looking in the mirror, I said to him- “man, I’m glad I’ve finally lost the baby weight! But I wish this stretched out skin weren’t here.” (I’m 5’5 and 122 lbs). He looks at me and says, “that’s not skin, that’s fat. But you can eat better and go to the gym, maybe it will go away. Better than skin because you can’t do anything about that.”

3.) About to go down on me, he says- “are you about to get your period? It smells different.” Obviously, I get super upset.

4.) Kissing, he says- “hey, do you have bacteria in your tonsils? Your breath is bad.” I do have crypted tonsils so will get tonsil stones, but I was still super mortified.

5.) Told our neighbor at dinner that I was glad our family dog died. To be fair, the dog was a jerk, but I definitely wasn’t glad he died!!! Of course I was sad. When I asked him to stop, he looks at me and sneers, “It’s OKAY, everyone knows you hated him”

I finally asked him to separate. This, and other issues, but I’m not sure I can get over these comments. He was “blindsided” according to him. He says those comments aren’t what he meant, and of course made a million excuses. Am I overreacting to them?

[Anonymous]

I think you are being a little bit overly sensitive. None of this sounds intentionally mean.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to live with him.

[Anonymous]

sounds like he is nitpicking at everything about you and that would get very old. Have you told him in the past how his comments come across as mean, but he continues to do it? I don't blame you OP and wouldn't be able to deal with that forever myself.

[Anonymous]

Run, don't walk away. This "man" is torturing you psychologically.

[Anonymous]

I don't think these comments sound "mean." Insensitive, sure. Some people just aren't automatically going to validate you. You have to tell him explicitly if that's what you want.

The dog thing just sounds like one of those things. You were there, you could protest and it sounds like you did. I don't see why you'd stay upset about that.

[Anonymous]

1 & 2 are not cool
3 normal, my DH says the same.
4 & 5 you’re way to sensitive

[Anonymous]

He seems very blunt with some rudeness thrown in and you seem sensitive. Bad combo. I'm wondering how you guys ended up married, this seems like incompatible personalities from the start

[Anonymous]

"If you have a real issue to discuss, let's do so. Otherwise, please stop with the negative comments. I find them insulting."

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to live like that either. Oh wait....I do live like that. Passive aggressive comments, "unintentionally" rude comments, dismissive comments, etc.

I know people that don't live with it would call it being too sensitive, but when it's constant and pervasive, it isn't ok. The other day I was expressing how much I would love to be a detective because I love solving puzzles, researching people and things...after I had found out some obscure bit of information on the internet. His comment. : "yeah....as long as you can just google it, right? Haha". It's this way with everything about me because if a friend had said it and laughed I wouldn't have thought twice about it and would probably have laughed too. But he is demeaning and dismissive about me all of the time, which changes the tone of how you take something, too. There isn't anything "else" to balance those comments out, or to make it seem like he was just being funny if you know what I mean.


Get out if you can. It's demoralizing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has resentment built up to me and it's manifesting this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like he is nitpicking at everything about you and that would get very old. Have you told him in the past how his comments come across as mean, but he continues to do it? I don't blame you OP and wouldn't be able to deal with that forever myself.

Op here- yes- I always tell him how much they hurt me, and he just gets defensive and refuses to listen. It’s getting so. So. Old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has resentment built up to me and it's manifesting this way.

Those are not things you should say to someone you love and want to live with. Good for OP on separating. You both need counseling unless you just decide to divorce. There is at least a 3 year old, so I would try working on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want to live like that either. Oh wait....I do live like that. Passive aggressive comments, "unintentionally" rude comments, dismissive comments, etc.

I know people that don't live with it would call it being too sensitive, but when it's constant and pervasive, it isn't ok. The other day I was expressing how much I would love to be a detective because I love solving puzzles, researching people and things...after I had found out some obscure bit of information on the internet. His comment. : "yeah....as long as you can just google it, right? Haha". It's this way with everything about me because if a friend had said it and laughed I wouldn't have thought twice about it and would probably have laughed too. But he is demeaning and dismissive about me all of the time, which changes the tone of how you take something, too. There isn't anything "else" to balance those comments out, or to make it seem like he was just being funny if you know what I mean.


Get out if you can. It's demoralizing.

I assume you're staying for your kids. So you're teaching them that this behavior is acceptable and they shouldn't stand up for themselves. What great role models you and your husband are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think these comments sound "mean." Insensitive, sure. Some people just aren't automatically going to validate you. You have to tell him explicitly if that's what you want.

The dog thing just sounds like one of those things. You were there, you could protest and it sounds like you did. I don't see why you'd stay upset about that.

I did protest, saying that’s not true, of course I was sad, etc. he kept saying I didn’t care and would not let it go. This is at the dinner table and went back and fourth probably 2-3 times. I finally said “stop” and that’s when he made his dripping in sarcasm comment.