Have you met your ex's new SO?

[Anonymous]

I floated the idea to DW the other day since I have not met him (it's been two years), and the kids live with my ex, and she treated it as the dumbest idea ever. For a variety of reasons treated me like it was the dumbest thing she had ever heard.

Am I out out of line here?

[Anonymous]

What exactly did you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly did you say?

I'd like to meet so and so.

WHY? THAT's STUPID

Well, he spends a lot of time with the kids, and I would like to meet him and just have a brief talk.

YOUR KIDS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM, YOU'RE JUST EMPOWERING YOUR EX, ETC ETC

[unstated: I wanted to tell him that he seems like a good guy, I appreciate his looking after the kids, and that if anything ever happens to me I would appreciate, as one father to another, his watchful eye over children]

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's weird. I feel it's more odd that you haven't met him after 2 years of being an influence on your children.

[Anonymous]

I think you should definitely meet him, especially since they've been together two years and he is with your kids for part of the week. I don't quite understand why your DW would be against this idea, unless I am missing something.

[Anonymous]

Just start dating a young bimbo and laugh when she complains “I have a right to meet her because she’s around my children!”

But as a divorced guy I don’t feel any particular need to meet or talk to XWs SO.

[Anonymous]

As a woman I could care less about meeting my ex’s new wife. She’s nice to my son and that’s all that matters to me.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends how the marriage ended. My ex has been with her AP for 5 years and I said ‘hi’ once 3 years ago.
Do you really think your exes partner gives a sh$t about you ? It’s a nice thought but I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very strange that you haven't met the man who's spending so much time with your kids. If he lives with your ex and kids or stays the night then meeting and vetting him is way past due.

Honestly, your current wife sounds like she has some issues with your ex and kids. She must have known you had an ex and kids when you married her. It sounds like she's competing with them.

This whole dynamic seems really off. You're so far removed form your kids' lives that you don't even know the man who's spending so much time with them, and your current wife begrudges you doing the bare minimum of your parental duty to try to get to know him.

Stick to your instincts and meet this guy. If your relationship with your ex needs any repairing for you to get more involved in your kids' day to day lives, then do that. You don't want to wake up one day and wonder why your relationship with your grown kids is so distant and you barely know your grandkids. This is how it happens, by not being involved enough when they're growing up. You're setting the foundation for your relationships with them for the rest of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Does he live with them? If not, how much time does he spend with them?

[Anonymous]

Never met him, but have seen a picture. Let’s say gym isn’t in his vocabulary.

[Anonymous]

What does it really accomplish. If you don't like him so what, you have no say over who your ex dates, who she has spend time with your kids.

If there are any real issues your kids would tell you.

Would you listen to your ex's opinion of your DW? If she said she didn't like her and didn't want her spending time with your kids would you even listen?

The kids live with your ex, if it matters then go for custody.

[Anonymous]

If you do meet, let the unstated part of your post remain unstated.

[Anonymous]

I met my boyfriend’s ex-wife at their kid’s baseball game. I actually sat with her the entire season. I don’t expect/want to be friends, but I do feel like there’s mutual respect and she’s been comfortable with me doing pick up or drop off when BF is on shift at their usual time (which also entails us spending the night alone together until their dad gets home around 7am).

[Anonymous]

You got your answer. He has nothing to do with your kids....so, I agree with your Ex, there is no need to meet.