Allow me to vent about lifestyle "catfishing"

[Anonymous]

Disclaimer: All of this applies to non-pandemic situations when we aren't under SAH orders.

As a user of dating apps, my biggest pet peeve is not Catfishing, Kittenfishing (for those fortunately out of this scene: the practice of significantly enhancing your appearance via photoshop, filters, or very old pictures), it's what I would like to refer to as "lifestyle catfishing"

I'm so tired of being disappointed in men whose lifestyle and interests are much more boring and low-energy than how they present themselves. Stop showing pictures of yourself climbing mountains or doing other outdoor activities when that does not accurately represent your lifestyle.

This is different from showing travel pictures. I get that Instagram is not real life, and that showing that you like to travel is not the same as promising that you have the budget to travel all the time. I'm being realistic here. When you show pictures of yourself in exotic locales, I hope you are saying "I enjoy traveling and I value seeing the world, and when my budget and schedule enable it, I would like to do so and take you along with me." (And yes, I will pay my half of the trip).

Likewise, when you have all these outdoor adventure pictures, what you are saying is "I am adventurous and enjoy being outdoors. When we are together, we will be going on outdoor adventures together. It doesn't have to cost much, if anything. I am letting you know that I get off the couch."

If you are an introverted gamer, please just come out and say that you are an introverted gamer. If want a girl to be okay with you staying indoors all summer playing games and watching Netflix, please say so and skip the outdoor-adventure pictures.

[Anonymous]

This is no different than how dating was before online dating or apps. People put up an image that may or may not be an accurate reflection of how they are. You have to get to know someone. The internet won't magically change or speed up that process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is no different than how dating was before online dating or apps. People put up an image that may or may not be an accurate reflection of how they are. You have to get to know someone. The internet won't magically change or speed up that process.

I know, and maybe this is just an age-old question but, why do people misrepresent themselves, ever?! Just be yourself, because if you are not, people are only going to like you for who you are NOT, and this can't end well.

I just don't understand why people still do it.

[Anonymous]

Call me crazy but if u want to meet a skiier, or a camper or kyacker...go do those things and meet the men and women also doing them.

[Anonymous]

What you should do, OP, is demand that prospective matches take photos of themselves and their surroundings at randomly selected times (provided by you or an app) over the course of several weeks or months so you get an accurate picture of how often they are outside and/or traveling.

[Anonymous]

This is a fair assessment as much as I observe the other way that "I lOvE to tRAvEl" does not constitute a personality.

Since being divorced and out dating again its been an eye opener how much the people I've met love to watch television.

[Anonymous]

guy here. I have two pictures I can use. One shows me on top of the Tetons (not mentioning I took the tram and am gasping for oxygen), and the other shows me sitting on the couch scratching my balls. Which one do you think I am going to use? I certainly spend a lot more time on couch than the Tetons.

The same thing applies to women: don't show yourself at Nat's park if you have gone there once. I am going to assume that is your happy place, and picture a life where we watch baseball together either in person on on the sofa (I got balls to scratch) for 162 games per year (181 last year). I would expect you would grasp the goal of scheduling vacations around road trips (Coors field and ATT Park are nice starting points). But then you do not even know the significance of 6-4-3. Or know what I am talking about with that wonder Oct 30th clang.

It goes both ways. When I find out your idea of entertainment is TCM and not MASN.....

[Anonymous]

I agree with the OP and it works both ways. I love to travel, but am generally not an outdoorsy person, and when I was online dating (married now, met spouse through OKCupid) I would avoid guys with lots of hiking/camping/mountain climbing pix because, that's not me! So not only are you matching with people like her (who then are bummed you aren't actually outdoorsy) but you're missing out on matching with people like me who would love to play a board game with you.

Accuracy is your better bet online, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guy here. I have two pictures I can use. One shows me on top of the Tetons (not mentioning I took the tram and am gasping for oxygen), and the other shows me sitting on the couch scratching my balls. Which one do you think I am going to use? I certainly spend a lot more time on couch than the Tetons.

The same thing applies to women: don't show yourself at Nat's park if you have gone there once. I am going to assume that is your happy place, and picture a life where we watch baseball together either in person on on the sofa (I got balls to scratch) for 162 games per year (181 last year). I would expect you would grasp the goal of scheduling vacations around road trips (Coors field and ATT Park are nice starting points). But then you do not even know the significance of 6-4-3. Or know what I am talking about with that wonder Oct 30th clang.

It goes both ways. When I find out your idea of entertainment is TCM and not MASN.....

OP here and I get there may be some snarkery in there but I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Of course our pictures are not going to be 100% accurate, otherwise they'd all be pictures of us in our office, our bedroom, or our kitchen, or stuck in traffic. The idea is that you show who you are when it's your choice to express yourself. I'd like pictures to tell me: What do I choose to do with the discretionary time I have, and what will my partner and I be spending weekends doing?

I'm not going to post pictures of myself at a Nats game, since I have no idea what it is you are talking about. Likewise, if it's a 75 degree day out and you are in the basement playing Minecraft, maybe take some screenshots of your playing Minecraft, or however that's done. Don't show me pictures of yourself on the beach or in the mountains because I'm going to want to drag you out of your man cave and go explore an actual cave. The idea is to be upfront about what kind of life you want to have with your girlfriend. Not: show pictures of yourself that make you look like a fun person that girls would like, only to complain that a girl is too high-maintenance because they actually want to go out and do things.

[Anonymous]

My ex had on his match profile that he worked out 4-5 days a week! I guess he considers taking the trash out a workout. I feel you!

[Anonymous]

Women, and particularly young women, are the worst offenders of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is no different than how dating was before online dating or apps. People put up an image that may or may not be an accurate reflection of how they are. You have to get to know someone. The internet won't magically change or speed up that process.

I know, and maybe this is just an age-old question but, why do people misrepresent themselves, ever?! Just be yourself, because if you are not, people are only going to like you for who you are NOT, and this can't end well.

I just don't understand why people still do it.

I think it is less about deceit and more aspirational. Same reason people go out and buy camping equipment and don't camp, exercise equipment and don't exercise, etc. People a rarely honest with themselves, let alone potential dates or the faceless internet.

[Anonymous]

People on dating sites misrepresent who they are? You're kidding.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's obnoxious, but can you can screen early on for it by asking questions such as - "I see you from your photos that you like to travel . Where have you been recently?" If they say "Oh, well I went to Italy after college" (and they are in their 30s), then you have your answer. Or, if they show hiking photos, ask them "Where do you most frequently hike?" You can learn a lot by asking follow-on questions to the pictures, and can quickly weed out those who aren't actually living the lifestyle depicted in their pictures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is no different than how dating was before online dating or apps. People put up an image that may or may not be an accurate reflection of how they are. You have to get to know someone. The internet won't magically change or speed up that process.

I know, and maybe this is just an age-old question but, why do people misrepresent themselves, ever?! Just be yourself, because if you are not, people are only going to like you for who you are NOT, and this can't end well.

I just don't understand why people still do it.

I think it is less about deceit and more aspirational. Same reason people go out and buy camping equipment and don't camp, exercise equipment and don't exercise, etc. People a rarely honest with themselves, let alone potential dates or the faceless internet.

I agree it is aspirational more than deceit. I went out for a bit with a woman from a dating site that has you list favorite TV shows and movies and her answer was "no time for that, always on the go." I truly think she didn't realize that she watched 20+ hours of reality TV a week, because that whole time she had her laptop open and was responding to emails, updating her calendar and tons of other make-work BS that made her feel busy. The TV was just background noise.