Moving in with elderly parents because you failed

[Anonymous]

Not that I expect a lot of responses here given the incomes I see posted, but has anyone moved in with their elderly (late 70s/early 80s) parents after having their life go kaput, in order to start over? How did it go?

Pros: being with family, helping them out
Cons: being a drain, shocking them by my failure

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry, they love you and they’ll want to help you. And you can be helpful to them to.

One of my favorite quotes:

“Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to let you in.” Robert Frost.

Sending good wishes to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

You may feel like a failure, but to me, someone who takes care of and spends time with their elderly parents is the opposite! I would admire that person.

Sometimes a crisis (your financial or relationship troubles) gives rise to a great opportunity. It could be a wonderful thing to have this time with your parents, important and meaningful for all of you.

Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

They might be relieved to have you move in with them. They probably are starting to need some help anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They might be relieved to have you move in with them. They probably are starting to need some help anyway.

I was going to say the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may feel like a failure, but to me, someone who takes care of and spends time with their elderly parents is the opposite! I would admire that person.

Sometimes a crisis (your financial or relationship troubles) gives rise to a great opportunity. It could be a wonderful thing to have this time with your parents, important and meaningful for all of you.

Best wishes!

Agree.

[Anonymous]

My XH did, but in his case, it wasn’t just career/financial. He had two failed marriages and used up a lot of social currency trashing his second wife with the same brush he’d painted me with. Our remaining mutual friends dumped him. And the friends he had that I didn’t share were his second wife’s mutual friends. He turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms once he was alone. His parents provided a soft landing. It took a few years, but he moved out eventually.

[Anonymous]

Your parents love you. I know if you were my son or daughter I would be sad that your life hadn't worked out the way you wanted, but I would welcome you with open arms to help you get back on your feet.

And like PP said, I am sure at this age they need and want your help. It will be ok OP.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if your kid needed to move back in at 25 or 35? Would you look at them like a failure or would you help them come up with a plan and give them a place to get their feet back under them? You're a parent until the day you die and that protective nature doesn't go away. It'd be different if you were loafing around aimlessly. It may also make them feel good to be needed one last time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry, they love you and they’ll want to help you. And you can be helpful to them to.

One of my favorite quotes:

“Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to let you in.” Robert Frost.

Sending good wishes to you, OP.

OP here. I love Frost. Thank you for posting this.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. You’re good. And very important to your family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if your kid needed to move back in at 25 or 35? Would you look at them like a failure or would you help them come up with a plan and give them a place to get their feet back under them? You're a parent until the day you die and that protective nature doesn't go away. It'd be different if you were loafing around aimlessly. It may also make them feel good to be needed one last time.

Well I’m older than that, sadly. I don’t know what I would do for work that wasn’t menial near them (central FL), and I have enormous debt, but the alternative is probably my car or a shelter while I starve, alone.

[Anonymous]

Lucky to have parents you can turn to at any age.

As long as when you move back you help them they will be happy to have you.

[Anonymous]

Are you the guy supporting your 2nd wife's adult children, after leaving your 1st wife for her?

[Anonymous]

I’m also worried about the stress on my father. I’m an only child and he thinks I’m a great success when in fact I am a total and complete disaster beyond his comprehension. I learned nothing from my parents in terms of finances. They could have done some things differently (we never discussed money and they handled my money growing up) but I’m a big boy and should have figured this out on my own. Now it’s too late.