Moving in with elderly parents because you failed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may feel like a failure, but to me, someone who takes care of and spends time with their elderly parents is the opposite! I would admire that person.

Sometimes a crisis (your financial or relationship troubles) gives rise to a great opportunity. It could be a wonderful thing to have this time with your parents, important and meaningful for all of you.

Best wishes!

+1

[Anonymous]

Are you my sister? (I know you're not, but the story is the same). She got fired a year ago and has only had contracting / part time gigs since then. She just temporarily "moved" back home with our parents while looking for a job, but I can't imagine places are hiring now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Not that I expect a lot of responses here given the incomes I see posted, but has anyone moved in with their elderly (late 70s/early 80s) parents after having their life go kaput, in order to start over? How did it go?

Pros: being with family, helping them out
Cons: being a drain, shocking them by my failure

And PP here, and I agree, this is a pro, as our parents live 6 hours away, so at least she is able to be there when needed, hopefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also worried about the stress on my father. I’m an only child and he thinks I’m a great success when in fact I am a total and complete disaster beyond his comprehension. I learned nothing from my parents in terms of finances. They could have done some things differently (we never discussed money and they handled my money growing up) but I’m a big boy and should have figured this out on my own. Now it’s too late.

It’s okay. Money comes and goes. You learn from your mistakes and work on reading about personal finance. Many people go through similar.

[Anonymous]

It's ok, OP, we're in tough times. If he reads the news, he shouldn't be surprised at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also worried about the stress on my father. I’m an only child and he thinks I’m a great success when in fact I am a total and complete disaster beyond his comprehension. I learned nothing from my parents in terms of finances. They could have done some things differently (we never discussed money and they handled my money growing up) but I’m a big boy and should have figured this out on my own. Now it’s too late.

Tell them you've been negatively impacted by the virus, then. You're in good company that way -- a lot of people are going to go under. Then pick up the pieces and start rebuilding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m also worried about the stress on my father. I’m an only child and he thinks I’m a great success when in fact I am a total and complete disaster beyond his comprehension. I learned nothing from my parents in terms of finances. They could have done some things differently (we never discussed money and they handled my money growing up) but I’m a big boy and should have figured this out on my own. Now it’s too late.

It’s okay. Money comes and goes. You learn from your mistakes and work on reading about personal finance. Many people go through similar.

I appreciate the sentiment but nothing short of bankruptcy and a skilled tax attorney is going to extricate me from this gigantic mess. I'd just rather work on these problems under a roof, particularly with people whom I love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m also worried about the stress on my father. I’m an only child and he thinks I’m a great success when in fact I am a total and complete disaster beyond his comprehension. I learned nothing from my parents in terms of finances. They could have done some things differently (we never discussed money and they handled my money growing up) but I’m a big boy and should have figured this out on my own. Now it’s too late.

It’s okay. Money comes and goes. You learn from your mistakes and work on reading about personal finance. Many people go through similar.

I appreciate the sentiment but nothing short of bankruptcy and a skilled tax attorney is going to extricate me from this gigantic mess. I'd just rather work on these problems under a roof, particularly with people whom I love.

I promise you, OP. Your parents love you and want to help you. They will still love you if they learn you made mistakes. It is NOT too late.

[Anonymous]

OP! I'm sorry that you are goig through this. With great planning, you will get through this. While it may feel like you're drowning, remember, others have gone through this and came out on the other side.

The secret to living with returning home is to make yourself indispensable.
Never let your parents regret having you there.
Pull your weight; help out before you are asked.
Get up at a decent time in the morning everyday.
Don't eat up all of their food.
When you start to earn money, pay a small bill. Even if they says no.
Buy some groceries.
Pay rent; not necessarily monetary but with deeds.

Good luck. Write out your plan and work it. Be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time.

[Anonymous]

Op it is fine to move home. But make sure you are a help to your parents rather than a burden. Clean, cook, do laundry, etc.

[Anonymous]

I’m looking at a sign above my fireplace that says “Being a family means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life no matter what.” I want my children to look at that every day and commit it to memory. I will love them when they are successful and I will love them even harder when they’re not. That’s when they’ll need me the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m also worried about the stress on my father. I’m an only child and he thinks I’m a great success when in fact I am a total and complete disaster beyond his comprehension. I learned nothing from my parents in terms of finances. They could have done some things differently (we never discussed money and they handled my money growing up) but I’m a big boy and should have figured this out on my own. Now it’s too late.

It’s okay. Money comes and goes. You learn from your mistakes and work on reading about personal finance. Many people go through similar.

I appreciate the sentiment but nothing short of bankruptcy and a skilled tax attorney is going to extricate me from this gigantic mess. I'd just rather work on these problems under a roof, particularly with people whom I love.

If you're a regular here at DCUM, then you know the impressive calibur of folks we have posting here on a daily basis.

It's anonymous... no need to give personal details.
Why not post what you're TRULY going through and lets see if some of us can help guide you, free of charge (instead of what a bankruptcy, and more importantly a *skilled* tax attorney will cost you (charging by the hour)?

It can't hurt right?

We're here for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Multigenerational households are the norm in most countries and I think it should be the norm here. There’s no shame in living with your parents, especially with the current crisis and impending recession.

[Anonymous]

You seem genuinely interested in working on your problems and they may or may not be of your own making to begin with. Either way, being honest about what got you into this situation and your solid attempts to right your own ship will ensure your parents respect you and want to help you.

There's a big difference between a hard worker who has been laid off, lost security in a divorce, and needs to rebuild vs. a playboy who vacationed away all savings, spent a fortune on drugs, and has zero motivation to work. You know who you want to be. Go home, buckle down, seek the financial advice and support you need to rebuild, and do the hard work it will take to get back on your feet. You CAN do it and you will have cheerleaders supporting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP! I'm sorry that you are goig through this. With great planning, you will get through this. While it may feel like you're drowning, remember, others have gone through this and came out on the other side.

The secret to living with returning home is to make yourself indispensable.
Never let your parents regret having you there.
Pull your weight; help out before you are asked.
Get up at a decent time in the morning everyday.
Don't eat up all of their food.
When you start to earn money, pay a small bill. Even if they says no.
Buy some groceries.
Pay rent; not necessarily monetary but with deeds.

Good luck. Write out your plan and work it. Be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time.

You are getting a lot of great responses, OP. This plus 11:11 seem to sum it up.