Telling your kid they did something or behaved well when they really didn?t.

[Anonymous]

Do you do this? Am I just the worst person ever? Son (5) threw a tantrum at the doctors office. He screamed and fought every step of the process. Afterward the nurse said “you did a great job!” And I said “no he didn’t” and looked at him. I had promised him a special treat if he behaved and I told him he wouldn’t be getting it.

[Anonymous]

You're fine. I'd do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

You did fine. 5 is old enough to know the parent means what they say.

[Anonymous]

Please stop with the bribery. You’re setting both you and him up for failure. Instead, make it a surprise. “Look at what a great job you did at the doctor’s office! You stayed calm and in control. Let’s go get a treat to celebrate.”

Then work to set him up to be successful. Talk about what’s going to happen. Make sure he’s not acting out because he’s hungry or tired. If he is, don’t choose that battle to fight or hold against him.

[Anonymous]

People used to think I was a horrible mother because I would push my kid. If she was doing backwalkovers and she crumbled at the end I'd just say "Do it again," and if I had to say that over and over before she got it right, so be it.

I only compliment when it is deserved.

[Anonymous]

No you’re not terrible. But if that nurse said “hey kid you were a total turd” you’d be mad at her, right? So she said what she thought most parents want to hear.

As a parent of a kid with major anxiety, I can tell you that no amount of bribes will help during this type of thing. What has helped us was practicing breathing beforehand, having fidgets and favorite lovey s for comfort. And getting through it without letting her dictate how much “longer”
We all had to wait for the needle to come at her. She’s older now and it’s gotten better—no longer tantrums, but is still very nervous at the docs.

[Anonymous]

You did well. It does no good to give in and not teach kids that behavior has consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People used to think I was a horrible mother because I would push my kid. If she was doing backwalkovers and she crumbled at the end I'd just say "Do it again," and if I had to say that over and over before she got it right, so be it.

I only compliment when it is deserved.

Boy am I glad my parents didn’t try to coach me when I did gymnastics. You sound toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People used to think I was a horrible mother because I would push my kid. If she was doing backwalkovers and she crumbled at the end I'd just say "Do it again," and if I had to say that over and over before she got it right, so be it.

I only compliment when it is deserved.

Boy am I glad my parents didn’t try to coach me when I did gymnastics. You sound toxic.

Nah, DD loved it, which is why I did it. If you want to learn to do something physical, you have to do it over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop with the bribery. You’re setting both you and him up for failure. Instead, make it a surprise. “Look at what a great job you did at the doctor’s office! You stayed calm and in control. Let’s go get a treat to celebrate.”

Then work to set him up to be successful. Talk about what’s going to happen. Make sure he’s not acting out because he’s hungry or tired. If he is, don’t choose that battle to fight or hold against him.

Guess what, the world runs on incentives! You practice hard, you make the team. You do a great job, you get paid extra. At the same time when someone does something special without being told that too can be recognized. But if you are darn sure someone is going to have a melt down in a doctors office an incentive can be very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop with the bribery. You’re setting both you and him up for failure. Instead, make it a surprise. “Look at what a great job you did at the doctor’s office! You stayed calm and in control. Let’s go get a treat to celebrate.”

Then work to set him up to be successful. Talk about what’s going to happen. Make sure he’s not acting out because he’s hungry or tired. If he is, don’t choose that battle to fight or hold against him.

Guess what, the world runs on incentives! You practice hard, you make the team. You do a great job, you get paid extra. At the same time when someone does something special without being told that too can be recognized. But if you are darn sure someone is going to have a melt down in a doctors office an incentive can be very helpful.

No, I agree with the first poster. Sometimes you do things because they need to get done. Having access to healthcare is a privilege. Having access to free education is a luxury. You get the shot because the incentive is to avoid polio or mumps or whatever. You do well in school to be an educated person who can think about things and be entertained by your own ideas in your head.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of children and adults are anxious about the doctor. A nurse is doing her job by making each visit as pleasant as possible.

OP should also keep that in mind. Eventually, her DS will decide for himself whether to go to the doctor or avoid it, based partially on previous experiences.

[Anonymous]

Don’t say no you didn’t in front of the nurse. But don’t give him a treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t say no you didn’t in front of the nurse. But don’t give him a treat.

This is how I feel about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People used to think I was a horrible mother because I would push my kid. If she was doing backwalkovers and she crumbled at the end I'd just say "Do it again," and if I had to say that over and over before she got it right, so be it.

I only compliment when it is deserved.

Boy am I glad my parents didn’t try to coach me when I did gymnastics. You sound toxic.

Nah, DD loved it, which is why I did it. If you want to learn to do something physical, you have to do it over and over again.

Yes, you do. And that's what coaches are for. Parents are to love and support unconditionally, even when practices didn't go well.