If you have 11-/12-year old boys who DON'T play Fortnite/video game all the time -- what do they do?

[Anonymous]

So after resisting Fortnite for a year, we caved this year and let our son play. Before that he played Minecraft and War Robots, but all his friends were on Fortnite (literally all of them).

Now I feel like whenever he plays with his friends and I don't allow them to have screen time, they are just passing the time until they can get on their screens. If they go outside, they ask for how long, and then they come back the very first minute they can so they can get set up on screens. If I tell him to do chores or homework first, same thing - he does them but then goes on screens the minute he's done. It just feels like that's the default they want to return to, and that they don't really enjoy any other activities. I guess the one thing they do enjoy is playing basketball outside, but they can only do that for so long.

If it were just my son behaving like this, it would be easier to deal with, but it's his three best neighborhood friends as well. The pressure to turn the screens on is always there.

What I am wondering is, how are other parents - especially the ones who want their kids to have less screen time - dealing with the constant pressure to get back on the screens? (They have to be experiencing it too, since whenever my son logs on to Fortnite, it seems like a majority of his school friends are online!) And for those that have successfully lessened screen time, WHAT activities do your son(s) like to do? Should I enroll him in a sport or some type of activity every afternoon? Should I restrict screen time to the weekends? (I have tried this in the past, and then just got worn down, I guess.)

I'm not sure I've clearly articulated the problem, so I guess the tl;dr is, my son and his friends want to be on screens all the time; I feel like it's not enough to just limit screentime - I need to help my son find activities that are equally compelling, and could really use suggestions. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I have two boys, one 12 and one older, and in my kids' case the interest eventually burned itself out. High school is more demanding and the kids play video games less because they have more interesting social and extracurricular options. Maybe it would help to think about this as a stage that boys go through but not one all of them stay in indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys, one 12 and one older, and in my kids' case the interest eventually burned itself out. High school is more demanding and the kids play video games less because they have more interesting social and extracurricular options. Maybe it would help to think about this as a stage that boys go through but not one all of them stay in indefinitely.

OP here. Thank you. I am really concerned because my little brother was completely addicted to video games and played through college... he barely graduated. Today he has a decent job, but still struggles to control the amount he plays. If it really is a phase for most kids (like Thomas the Train and LEGO and Nerf guns, ha), that would be great. So I'd be really happy to hear from more parents of high schoolers...

[Anonymous]

Homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys, one 12 and one older, and in my kids' case the interest eventually burned itself out. High school is more demanding and the kids play video games less because they have more interesting social and extracurricular options. Maybe it would help to think about this as a stage that boys go through but not one all of them stay in indefinitely.

OP here. Thank you. I am really concerned because my little brother was completely addicted to video games and played through college... he barely graduated. Today he has a decent job, but still struggles to control the amount he plays. If it really is a phase for most kids (like Thomas the Train and LEGO and Nerf guns, ha), that would be great. So I'd be really happy to hear from more parents of high schoolers...

Knowing one addict doesn't mean everyone who enjoys the substance will also be an addict, so keep that perspective. Some people can go to Vegas and play a few games, some become gambling addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys, one 12 and one older, and in my kids' case the interest eventually burned itself out. High school is more demanding and the kids play video games less because they have more interesting social and extracurricular options. Maybe it would help to think about this as a stage that boys go through but not one all of them stay in indefinitely.

OP here. Thank you. I am really concerned because my little brother was completely addicted to video games and played through college... he barely graduated. Today he has a decent job, but still struggles to control the amount he plays. If it really is a phase for most kids (like Thomas the Train and LEGO and Nerf guns, ha), that would be great. So I'd be really happy to hear from more parents of high schoolers...

Knowing one addict doesn't mean everyone who enjoys the substance will also be an addict, so keep that perspective. Some people can go to Vegas and play a few games, some become gambling addicts.

OP here. True, but I see some of the same qualities in my son as I did in my brother. To the PP, DS is in 5th and actually doesn't get homework from school. And I'm looking for activities that are equally compelling... but thanks.

[Anonymous]

Ours: lots of sports (soccer, basketball, swimming), youth orchestra/band, volunteering, homework, some enrichment classes (e.g. computer programming), science team, math team

[Anonymous]

My kids are middle school and high school and love games (one wants to go into the business). But they are very, very busy with other things. Their school gives a ton of homework, they both play an instrument with private lessons and have to practice, they both are heavily involved in year-round sports, one writes for the school paper, one is in theatre and they get home from school after activities and socializing in time to just do homework and go to bed.

I let them do whatever they want after the needs are done on the weekend. If the other things weren't getting done, I'd make rules and "gaming" they do is not just mindless playing, but very interactive and creative and has lead to other creative endeavors like film making and editing and sound composition. It is much more of a hobby than a mindless pass time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys, one 12 and one older, and in my kids' case the interest eventually burned itself out. High school is more demanding and the kids play video games less because they have more interesting social and extracurricular options. Maybe it would help to think about this as a stage that boys go through but not one all of them stay in indefinitely.

OP here. Thank you. I am really concerned because my little brother was completely addicted to video games and played through college... he barely graduated. Today he has a decent job, but still struggles to control the amount he plays. If it really is a phase for most kids (like Thomas the Train and LEGO and Nerf guns, ha), that would be great. So I'd be really happy to hear from more parents of high schoolers...

Knowing one addict doesn't mean everyone who enjoys the substance will also be an addict, so keep that perspective. Some people can go to Vegas and play a few games, some become gambling addicts.

OP here. True, but I see some of the same qualities in my son as I did in my brother. To the PP, DS is in 5th and actually doesn't get homework from school. And I'm looking for activities that are equally compelling... but thanks.

If he likes Minecraft, he may enjoy theater. Not just acting, but building the set, creating the sound, playing with the lighting. Try adventure theater, encourage him to go out for any school play or volunteer for stage crew. Take classes on sound mixing at Bach to Rock. Theater is world building, much like Minecraft is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So after resisting Fortnite for a year, we caved this year and let our son play. Before that he played Minecraft and War Robots, but all his friends were on Fortnite (literally all of them).

Now I feel like whenever he plays with his friends and I don't allow them to have screen time, they are just passing the time until they can get on their screens. If they go outside, they ask for how long, and then they come back the very first minute they can so they can get set up on screens. If I tell him to do chores or homework first, same thing - he does them but then goes on screens the minute he's done. It just feels like that's the default they want to return to, and that they don't really enjoy any other activities. I guess the one thing they do enjoy is playing basketball outside, but they can only do that for so long.

If it were just my son behaving like this, it would be easier to deal with, but it's his three best neighborhood friends as well. The pressure to turn the screens on is always there.

What I am wondering is, how are other parents - especially the ones who want their kids to have less screen time - dealing with the constant pressure to get back on the screens? (They have to be experiencing it too, since whenever my son logs on to Fortnite, it seems like a majority of his school friends are online!) And for those that have successfully lessened screen time, WHAT activities do your son(s) like to do? Should I enroll him in a sport or some type of activity every afternoon? Should I restrict screen time to the weekends? (I have tried this in the past, and then just got worn down, I guess.)

I'm not sure I've clearly articulated the problem, so I guess the tl;dr is, my son and his friends want to be on screens all the time; I feel like it's not enough to just limit screentime - I need to help my son find activities that are equally compelling, and could really use suggestions. Thanks!

We shared your concerns as well (DS is 13) and fought very hard against the games. We simply refused to buy any and his screen time is restricted. It worked——However, there are some consequences. Because what you say is true (that the rest of the boys are game addicts), it means my son doesn't have a ton of friends, or rather, the friends he has made are not the gaming kids. He plays a travel sport and an instrument and between that and homework, there's not a lot of time anyway. I don't have any great advice really, other than to stand your ground and not give in. The game-addicted boys are scary to me... They don't have good social skills and I wonder where it will lead them in life...

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old has a set amount of time for gaming, which he uses judiciously. He's into coding, film making, sound production, etc. He reads books. He is also busy with sports, homework, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So after resisting Fortnite for a year, we caved this year and let our son play. Before that he played Minecraft and War Robots, but all his friends were on Fortnite (literally all of them).

Now I feel like whenever he plays with his friends and I don't allow them to have screen time, they are just passing the time until they can get on their screens. If they go outside, they ask for how long, and then they come back the very first minute they can so they can get set up on screens. If I tell him to do chores or homework first, same thing - he does them but then goes on screens the minute he's done. It just feels like that's the default they want to return to, and that they don't really enjoy any other activities. I guess the one thing they do enjoy is playing basketball outside, but they can only do that for so long.

If it were just my son behaving like this, it would be easier to deal with, but it's his three best neighborhood friends as well. The pressure to turn the screens on is always there.

What I am wondering is, how are other parents - especially the ones who want their kids to have less screen time - dealing with the constant pressure to get back on the screens? (They have to be experiencing it too, since whenever my son logs on to Fortnite, it seems like a majority of his school friends are online!) And for those that have successfully lessened screen time, WHAT activities do your son(s) like to do? Should I enroll him in a sport or some type of activity every afternoon? Should I restrict screen time to the weekends? (I have tried this in the past, and then just got worn down, I guess.)

I'm not sure I've clearly articulated the problem, so I guess the tl;dr is, my son and his friends want to be on screens all the time; I feel like it's not enough to just limit screentime - I need to help my son find activities that are equally compelling, and could really use suggestions. Thanks!

He reads, plays lego, jumps on the trampoline, torments his younger brother, does his homework/chores/music practice and in the very limited amount of screen time we allow, plays Minecraft. He also obsesses over Pokemon, which is marginally better I suppose. He's seen Fortnite and thinks it's dumb, so we're off the hook there.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, this is why I’m still resisting allowing my 10 year old to get it. He’s not good at self regulating yet.

How about you have him earn fortnite time with chores And/or physical activity. So...he comes home, does any homework he has, then he does a chore for you, shoots baskets or walks the dog or kicks a soccer ball around for 20-30 minutes and then if there’s time he can play. Then there’s a hard shut down of electronics at a certain time of night.

[Anonymous]

I would not couch fortnite/gaming as a treat. Our kids went through this phase and always wanted games. We kept them busy with all sorts of activities that would interest them outside of gaming and after a few years, they really sort of "forgot" about it. Their friends still talk about video games, but it doesn't make my kids salivate the same way they had in the elementary years. I am guessing it is because they know life outside of screen time and have adjusted accordingly. My older one, if he has time, will pick up a book or magazine to read. We also go out and do activities as a family. We take advantage of the local high school games and attend those as a family. There are just too many activities to do.

[Anonymous]

Homework, travel soccer, watches sports on TV. I much prefer this over games.