Are you a mom who had a close relationship with your teenage DS?
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Anonymous
| If so, what’s your relationship like? Does he talk to you? What is he like? What do you attribute to your closeness? |
Anonymous
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DS, age 17. He's a middle child, as am I. Only son sandwiched between 2 DD. He's gradually changed from a active/destructive, acting out, silly toddler to a quiet, almost shy, sensitive, athletic, serious young man. I think we have similar personalities and sense of humor.
He is not effusive or super talkative, but I feel like we have good conversations and a nice, open relationship. We argue about his general laziness and hesitation to help around the house. DS has a solid group of friends since elementary school. Recently involved in a situation where DS thought I had been seriously injured - DS was distraught but immediately found me and made sure I was alright. He had tears in his eyes and was worried. So, while he's not outwardly loving and is very cool, he's got a big heart and can be surprisingly protective of his Mom and sisters. |
Anonymous
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I have 2 sons.
Very close to 1 ... close to 2nd but not as much. #1 is super emotional (not dramatic I mean he lives to love things/people/activities) He has close bonds with friends, extroverted and kind. But he had a terrible time in school (dyslexia) and we became closed dealing with so many hardships. he could talk to me. Counseling helped him verbalize his thoughts so he is a great communicator. #2 is introverted. He is loving and kind too but cannot deal with us for more than 30 minutes a day... more if we are watching sports/movie. I don’t take it personally. I also know it will slowly be less and less as they grow older, get girlfriends, go to collage. It’s not my parenting if that is what you wonder. I’m a good parent mostly, rarely great , sometimes I suck. |
Anonymous
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I have a good relationship with DS15. At least, so far (I am not so arrogant to not realize that this could change at some point). Part of it is just who he is: sweet, kind, thoughtful. I also think part of it is that I trust his judgment and listen to what he wants and thinks. Early on I let him take the bus places by himself (even if it secretly made me really anxious), earlier than many of his peers. I let him pick his activities. He values my opinion and seeks it out, but I also tend to ask him if he wants to hear my opinion before offering it, and if the answer is no, I don't talk.
Also, I think it is helpful that I work full-time and I talk about my work with him. It means he has a sense I have an identity that has nothing to do with him, and he sees that other people respect my opinion. I think that having that external identity that I share with him gives him some breathing room in our relationship. Like, he knows I love him deeply, but I have an aspect to my life that I enjoy that has nothing to do with him. He often asks me how my day went, and I ask him, and we talk about it. That doesn't mean we don't have our moments. But we are close, and we enjoy each other's company. I will miss him terribly when he goes to college. |
Anonymous
Does your son have a relationship with his father? |
Anonymous
| Have a preteen son and he's a nice, kind, loving kid. We do a lot of things together, especially going out to eat 1-1 and doing things he likes. He'll gladly go anywhere I'm going. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Such lovely answers. I was asking bc I have one son, an only, and hes so little, only three, but I’m so surprised how hard we laugh together and what a great time we have. I guess in a funny way it’s not something I was expecting about parenting. I know this is so earnest and naive of me, but I just want to do my best to keep this. Your thoughts are wonderful. |
Anonymous
I've always loved being with my boys, OP. They are teens and tweens now. |
Anonymous
| I would say that I do with my 14 yr DS. It has always been just him and me so that is what I attribute it to. He is much quieter now. He used to be the energizer bunny so it is a stark difference. But we do talk and I make sure to bite my tongue when I need to. Since it is just the two of us, we do a lot together. |
Anonymous
| 16.5 yo and 12.5 yo boys here. I am close with both of them and they have drastically different personalities; I try to meet them where they are even if I’m uncomfortable. I also try to say “Ok” whenever they say, “can I tell you something” regardless of how tired or almost asleep I am. Because that something could be “I just let the biggest fart” or “I had a terrible day” I never know which. |
Anonymous
I have 2 boys, 10 and 12, and this is great advice. I lol'd about what they might say (or do), because it's so true! |
Anonymous
| My 14 year old son and I are very close. Interestingly he is also dyslexic, like a OP’s kid (and so am I) and he’s had a rough go of it at school. It’s meant that we learned early on you cannot shape your kid to your desires, and that is a gift. He’ll be who he will be, and I’ll love him through it all. Through everything what has never changed is our ability to play together and be connected that way - tonight we had an epic sword battle with these ridiculous floppy foam swords and we giggled like toddlers. |
Anonymous
| My boys are both in grade school but I have a hard time connecting to them. It makes me feel bad that I am not parenting them well. And also makes me lonely. |
Anonymous
These couple comments are so interesting because my husband has an incredibly sweet and close relationship with his mother and also was dyslexic, and they both talk about the time in elementary school when she was really helping him through it. Probably coincidence but just interesting! |
Anonymous
| I've always had a very close relationship with my son who is now 35. I'm a talker and his dad isn't so we've always been very close. |