Husband's request

[Anonymous]

DH asked me to write a list of what I am contributing to the marriage. His exact words were, "what value do you provide for me?"

For context, I do work FT and take care of our two kids when not working. One of our issues is that I make $100k and he makes $600k. I also make dinner every night. Clean up around the house of course.

I find this question kind of insulting. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Make his list...

1. Tolerate your bullsh*t
2. See #1

[Anonymous]

Ummm.... was this in the context of a fight?

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Sorry, OP. That is not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm.... was this in the context of a fight?

It's an ongoing issue. Things have been rocky for a while. We are in therapy but it's not really helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make his list...

1. Tolerate your bullsh*t
2. See #1

I like this.

[Anonymous]

"I'm the mother of your children, I have a good job, I do my fair share of household duties, and if you don't value seeing your children each and every day and giving them a whole family, then I think we're pretty much done here."

[Anonymous]

How much would he have paid a surrogate to have your two children? How much would he have paid to adopt them?

[Anonymous]

He's toying with divorce. This list will help him figure out if it's better to do it all alone or stay with you.

Ask yourself, do you really want to stay married to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm.... was this in the context of a fight?

It's an ongoing issue. Things have been rocky for a while. We are in therapy but it's not really helping.

What's the root of the issue? Why are you in therapy? That might shed some light on why he asked this question. Yes, it's insulting, but I'm thinking this question is related to a bigger issue in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

It's incredibly insulting. He's treating your relationship like commerce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's toying with divorce. This list will help him figure out if it's better to do it all alone or stay with you.

Ask yourself, do you really want to stay married to him?

She will get half, and he makes $600K.

[Anonymous]

That you are his partner and bring him JOY?
That you are the mother of his children and help raise and educate them?

What a jerk he is.

[Anonymous]

I would file divorce papers in response to being asked to provide a list this. And I'd tell him that i provided value by not asking to live in a separate house and get child support payments until now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm the mother of your children, I have a good job, I do my fair share of household duties, and if you don't value seeing your children each and every day and giving them a whole family, then I think we're pretty much done here."

OK. But if the average DCUM husband told his wife, "I'm the father of your children, I do my fair share, and I enable you to see your children and give them a whole family," I doubt the DCUM consensus would regard that as sufficient.