Husband's request

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH asked me to write a list of what I am contributing to the marriage. His exact words were, "what value do you provide for me?"

For context, I do work FT and take care of our two kids when not working. One of our issues is that I make $100k and he makes $600k. I also make dinner every night. Clean up around the house of course.

I find this question kind of insulting. What do you think?

As an attorney, I'd say to take this to a lawyer immediately. It sounds to me like he's getting ready to file for a divorce and trying to estimate how hard of hit he's going to take.

[Anonymous]

wow, I would have started a list with things like:

emotional support
willing to move for your job/turn down a job I wanted for yours
help support/visit with/deal with your ageing mother
be the best parent I can be to our kids
listen to your day/jokes/complaints
take care of you when you are sick (and will do so when you are older/sicker, etc)
cook meals for everyone
sex/love/companionship
plan all our travel, deal with all our finances, sign up all kids for everything ever
be a witty, pretty companion on your arm at events
vacuum your car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH asked me to write a list of what I am contributing to the marriage. His exact words were, "what value do you provide for me?"

For context, I do work FT and take care of our two kids when not working. One of our issues is that I make $100k and he makes $600k. I also make dinner every night. Clean up around the house of course.

I find this question kind of insulting. What do you think?

As an attorney, I'd say to take this to a lawyer immediately. It sounds to me like he's getting ready to file for a divorce and trying to estimate how hard of hit he's going to take.

Again, as an attorney, I would highly recommend you not answer his demand. If this is divorce pretense, which I strongly suspect, his attorney will only use it against you.

Ignore people on here telling you what to say to him. Go talk to a lawyer. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's toying with divorce. This list will help him figure out if it's better to do it all alone or stay with you.

Ask yourself, do you really want to stay married to him?

She will get half, and he makes $600K.

No, not half. That's not how alimony works. But she'll get half of the assets and a ton of child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH asked me to write a list of what I am contributing to the marriage. His exact words were, "what value do you provide for me?"

For context, I do work FT and take care of our two kids when not working. One of our issues is that I make $100k and he makes $600k. I also make dinner every night. Clean up around the house of course.

I find this question kind of insulting. What do you think?

As an attorney, I'd say to take this to a lawyer immediately. It sounds to me like he's getting ready to file for a divorce and trying to estimate how hard of hit he's going to take.

Again, as an attorney, I would highly recommend you not answer his demand. If this is divorce pretense, which I strongly suspect, his attorney will only use it against you.

Ignore people on here telling you what to say to him. Go talk to a lawyer. Now.

How could he use it against her? She’s entitled to 50% (unless they have a prenup), right?

[Anonymous]

He’s asking you to re-interview for the job you already have. Start looking for a divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Talk to a lawyer, as the attorneys on here recommended.
If a man was asked this, he would probably go straight to a divorce lawyer, and rightly so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's toying with divorce. This list will help him figure out if it's better to do it all alone or stay with you.

Ask yourself, do you really want to stay married to him?

She will get half, and he makes $600K.

No, not half. That's not how alimony works. But she'll get half of the assets and a ton of child support.

Seriously, she’d probably get at least 100K in child support if they do 50/50 custody, possibly even more.

She should just go see a lawyer.

If I responded to his list, there would 1 item on it:

1) put up with your abuse

I quit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH asked me to write a list of what I am contributing to the marriage. His exact words were, "what value do you provide for me?"

For context, I do work FT and take care of our two kids when not working. One of our issues is that I make $100k and he makes $600k. I also make dinner every night. Clean up around the house of course.

I find this question kind of insulting. What do you think?

As an attorney, I'd say to take this to a lawyer immediately. It sounds to me like he's getting ready to file for a divorce and trying to estimate how hard of hit he's going to take.

Again, as an attorney, I would highly recommend you not answer his demand. If this is divorce pretense, which I strongly suspect, his attorney will only use it against you.

Ignore people on here telling you what to say to him. Go talk to a lawyer. Now.

How could he use it against her? She’s entitled to 50% (unless they have a prenup), right?

PP attorney here. If it were that simple there would be no need for divorce lawyers or divorce litigation.

[Anonymous]

Man here - your husband has brass balls. I am curious as to what his job is because the question is so cold, consulting-like. I’m pretty much an alpha male but I can’t fathom asking my wife that question given I know she’d give me a death stare and then rip me another butt hole. I make many multiples of my wife but I could never do what I do without her at my side.

[Anonymous]

He’s horrible. I’d divorce him. I could never forgive being put down like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here - your husband has brass balls. I am curious as to what his job is because the question is so cold, consulting-like. I’m pretty much an alpha male but I can’t fathom asking my wife that question given I know she’d give me a death stare and then rip me another butt hole. I make many multiples of my wife but I could never do what I do without her at my side.

lol

ITA, when you have kids, having a supportive spouse enables you to focus on your career better. And that works both ways.

-signed a working mom with a supportive DH, and vice versa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much would he have paid a surrogate to have your two children? How much would he have paid to adopt them?

So , you see her selling point is that she provided a uterus ? OMG

[Anonymous]

Just write back, “I want a divorce.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here - your husband has brass balls. I am curious as to what his job is because the question is so cold, consulting-like. I’m pretty much an alpha male but I can’t fathom asking my wife that question given I know she’d give me a death stare and then rip me another butt hole. I make many multiples of my wife but I could never do what I do without her at my side.

OP: he's in finance.