Son dating someone of another religion

[Anonymous]

If you are religious, how do you come to terms with your child dating someone of another religion? For example a christian dating a muslim. I am having such a hard time accepting DS's girlfriend who happens to be very sweet and very nice to him because of the religious difference.

[Anonymous]

You tell yourself that you both believe in the same god but god has used a different language to talk to your son's girlfriend and that is okay. You still honor the same god but you just do it with different traditions.

Also, It's just a girlfriend.

Once it's a DIL I would enquire about her customs so you are more educated about them.

The best thing that ever happened to my family is that my very devout close minded Catholic mom got a job at the JCC.

[Anonymous]

inquire.

[Anonymous]

People of all religions can be awful people, and people of all religions can be amazing people. The religion is just a label.

Learn to value and respect her for the individual she is, not the label she holds.

Don't be a prejudiced bigot like my relatives were in my mixed religion family.

[Anonymous]

1) Focus on the positives. You yourself said she is sweet and nice to him and that is no small thing.
2) Learn about the religion. All religions have negative stereotypes. Study and research to get beyond them.
3) Weigh whether your faith trumps your relationship with your son. If you want to maintain a relationship with him, you need to support his life decisions.

[Anonymous]

I was your DSs girlfriend. Based on my experience, I can tell you that if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your son, you need to find a way to get over it. And while you're working on that, please try to make sure you don't ever let your son know how you feel. Focus on her as an individual, not as a representative of her religion. Learn about her religion and perhaps offer to teach her about yours if the relationship is serious; you might find something that you enjoy and can bond over (for me, it was food...it went a long way when I asked my MIL to teach me to make some traditional dishes).

My ILs (particularly my FIL) were very open with their disapproval at first. They sent letters calling me names I won't repeat. They demanded that DH end the relationship, both while we were still dating and then again after we got engaged. They ignored us at the first extended family holiday after our engagement which made things awkward not just for us but for the hosts and all of the other guests. They threatened to boycott the wedding. All of that was incredibly hurtful to DH...they were pressuring him to choose and it took a long time for all of us to move past it once they finally accepted the situation. Twenty one years later, I'm still here but I will never forget some of the things they said/did, and it's always in the back of my mind that they might harbor similar feelings about my children given that we're raising them in my religion. I wouldn't wish that on your son or his GF (especially if she someday becomes your DIL).

[Anonymous]

There was nothing to come to terms with. I’m happy and proud that my kid is open minded enough that religious differences aren’t a barrier to personal relationships.

[Anonymous]

It's not your business.

Be a decent human being, and get over it. It's not your relationship.

If she ends up joining your family if you don't want to lose your son you should try to get to know her and not only on your terms.

[Anonymous]

I'd never forgive him for dating a non-Christian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd never forgive him for dating a non-Christian.

Troll

[Anonymous]

I get it op. Should they end up marrying, it means a loss of traditions in the family. It's not something I understood when I was younger, but I get it now. I've seen plenty of friends who didn't care at all about their religion in their twenties embrace it as they get older and have families. And when spouses come from different faiths, it can result in conflict between them. I've seen it happen.

But its something your son has to decide for himself the importance of. If you try to break them up, you'll only push him to defend his relationship with her. I would stay positive and welcoming, and let him figure out what his future looks like, either with her or without her. No good will come from speaking ill of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd never forgive him for dating a non-Christian.

Enjoy your lonely golden years.

[Anonymous]

Might be the best thing ever. That way you can always have Christmas with your son and his family. My best friend is married to a guy from a Greek Orthodox family. I'm very jealous they always can each have Christmas with their own families and there's no arguing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was your DSs girlfriend. Based on my experience, I can tell you that if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your son, you need to find a way to get over it. And while you're working on that, please try to make sure you don't ever let your son know how you feel. Focus on her as an individual, not as a representative of her religion. Learn about her religion and perhaps offer to teach her about yours if the relationship is serious; you might find something that you enjoy and can bond over (for me, it was food...it went a long way when I asked my MIL to teach me to make some traditional dishes).

My ILs (particularly my FIL) were very open with their disapproval at first. They sent letters calling me names I won't repeat. They demanded that DH end the relationship, both while we were still dating and then again after we got engaged. They ignored us at the first extended family holiday after our engagement which made things awkward not just for us but for the hosts and all of the other guests. They threatened to boycott the wedding. All of that was incredibly hurtful to DH...they were pressuring him to choose and it took a long time for all of us to move past it once they finally accepted the situation. Twenty one years later, I'm still here but I will never forget some of the things they said/did, and it's always in the back of my mind that they might harbor similar feelings about my children given that we're raising them in my religion. I wouldn't wish that on your son or his GF (especially if she someday becomes your DIL).

This happened to a good friend of mine - she is/was Muslim and fell in love with a lapsed Catholic (raised in the religion but became agnostic). Her parents weren't thrilled but accepted him pretty quickly. His parents freaked the eff out and barraged the young couple with yelling phone calls and nasty emails, were mean to her, told him he was ruining his own life and theirs too, threatened to disown him, you name it, they tried it. My friend and her husband got married anyway. It is now 15 years later, they have two children and a pretty happy marriage. My friend is basically an angel and has forgiven and forgotten. But there is still a distance between her husband and his parents that has not faded.

Be careful how you proceed, OP. This could be just a short term thing or it could be the mother of your future grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Unless she worships Satan, who cares?