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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was your DSs girlfriend.  Based on my experience, I can tell you that if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your son, you need to find a way to get over it.  And while you're working on that, please try to make sure you don't ever let your son know how you feel.  Focus on her as an individual, not as a representative of her religion.  Learn about her religion and perhaps offer to teach her about yours if the relationship is serious; you might find something that you enjoy and can bond over (for me, it was food...it went a long way when I asked my MIL to teach me to make some traditional dishes).

My ILs (particularly my FIL) were very open with their disapproval at first.  They sent letters calling me names I won't repeat.  They demanded that DH end the relationship, both while we were still dating and then again after we got engaged.  They ignored us at the first extended family holiday after our engagement which made things awkward not just for us but for the hosts and all of the other guests.  They threatened to boycott the wedding.  All of that was incredibly hurtful to DH...they were pressuring him to choose and it took a long time for all of us to move past it once they finally accepted the situation.  Twenty one years later, I'm still here but I will never forget some of the things they said/did, and it's always in the back of my mind that they might harbor similar feelings about my children given that we're raising them in my religion.  I wouldn't wish that on your son or his GF (especially if she someday becomes your DIL).[/quote]

This happened to a good friend of mine - she is/was Muslim and fell in love with a lapsed Catholic (raised in the religion but became agnostic). Her parents weren't thrilled but accepted him pretty quickly. His parents freaked the eff out and barraged the young couple with yelling phone calls and nasty emails, were mean to her, told him he was ruining his own life and theirs too, threatened to disown him, you name it, they tried it. My friend and her husband got married anyway. It is now 15 years later, they have two children and a pretty happy marriage. My friend is basically an angel and has forgiven and forgotten. But there is still a distance between her husband and his parents that has not faded.

Be careful how you proceed, OP. This could be just a short term thing or it could be the mother of your future grandkids. [/quote]

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