Mom insisting on sleepovers

[Anonymous]

When our kids were little little, they used to spend the night frequently with my mom, who loved and initiated the overnights. A couple years ago however, they decided they are no longer comfortable sleeping over. They (7,9) insist nothing happened, they just aren’t comfortable anymore. This is fine with us, and we are sure my mom gets other opportunities for quality time. But she’s never stopped pushing the sleepover thing. I feel like every time they interact she brings it up, asking them if they want a sleepover. My youngest point blank asked me to help her, so I shut it down. It worked for a while, but over break she tried again, and now she’s upped the ante telling them she will take them to the indoor water park if they decide they are ready for sleepovers. I feel like she’s trying to manipulate them. I asked them if this is something they’d be interesting in doing, and my oldest said not really and then got upset. Probably because she’d like to swim but knows she can’t unless she gives in and spends the night. So she’s conflicted. My mom just contacted me about it, telling me she found a Groupon, so I think the girls would be up for it.

Do I mention the manipulation when I tell her we are shelving this conversation until the girls mention interest in spending the night? Any other advice?

[Anonymous]

Take her yourself. Problem solved. Tell your mom kids don't want to sleep over but she can see them during the day.

[Anonymous]

I would take the hit for the kids and tell her that you’ve decided no sleepovers; it’s not up to them. That way she’ll stop trying to bribe them. Separately, I’d be concerned that neither will tell me what me what happened. I’m not saying it was something serious, but I’d be concerned that even at such a young age my kids didn’t feel comfortable telling me stuff.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a little odd, OP. Is there a reason why your mom is being so insistent? Is she like this in other areas of your lives/relationship?

My mom wanted to have our kids for overnights when they weren't ready (my DS actually said "that sounds scary, I don't think I'm ready for that yet") and I told her this, in those words. My FIL used to sometimes ask about having our kids overnight and I was/am not comfortable with this for various reasons, so we just said no thanks, and he's never pressed the issue. So it seems odd that she keeps upping the ante rather than taking no for an answer.

[Anonymous]

Just say no.

Repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take the hit for the kids and tell her that you’ve decided no sleepovers; it’s not up to them. That way she’ll stop trying to bribe them. Separately, I’d be concerned that neither will tell me what me what happened. I’m not saying it was something serious, but I’d be concerned that even at such a young age my kids didn’t feel comfortable telling me stuff.

I used to do that but as mine get older I encourage them to say no as its ok to say no. My Mom has her boyfriend there and we don't know him well and I cannot imagine he'd do anything but he's a bit creepy and cold. She will not have the kids alone. Usually she'll only insist on sleep overs when his grandkids are visiting so in that case I call her on it and say no as we don't know him or the kids or their parents and the stuff she has said about one very much concerns me.

[Anonymous]

You need to have a separate conversation with your mom saying the kids just aren't into sleepovers now. They would be happy to come spend the day, or to go to the waterpark with grandma, or whatever, but they don't want to do sleepovers anymore.

I get it, I prefer to sleep in my own bed, in my own home, with my own routines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the hit for the kids and tell her that you’ve decided no sleepovers; it’s not up to them. That way she’ll stop trying to bribe them. Separately, I’d be concerned that neither will tell me what me what happened. I’m not saying it was something serious, but I’d be concerned that even at such a young age my kids didn’t feel comfortable telling me stuff.

I used to do that but as mine get older I encourage them to say no as its ok to say no. My Mom has her boyfriend there and we don't know him well and I cannot imagine he'd do anything but he's a bit creepy and cold. She will not have the kids alone. Usually she'll only insist on sleep overs when his grandkids are visiting so in that case I call her on it and say no as we don't know him or the kids or their parents and the stuff she has said about one very much concerns me.

I can’t believe you’re this dumb. Talk about burying the lede. Jesus. Something has clearly happened between one of the his grandkids and your kids, or between him and your kids.

You should be ashamed of being this clueless. I pray you’re a troll.

[Anonymous]

(I'm assuming cold creepy boyfriend poster is not OP.)

OP -- tell her point blank that you don't like the idea of trying to persuade them into sleepovers if they don't want to. If she wants to buy them a Groupon for the water park, she can. She *can't* buy her way into a sleepover and it's not right for her to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the hit for the kids and tell her that you’ve decided no sleepovers; it’s not up to them. That way she’ll stop trying to bribe them. Separately, I’d be concerned that neither will tell me what me what happened. I’m not saying it was something serious, but I’d be concerned that even at such a young age my kids didn’t feel comfortable telling me stuff.

I used to do that but as mine get older I encourage them to say no as its ok to say no. My Mom has her boyfriend there and we don't know him well and I cannot imagine he'd do anything but he's a bit creepy and cold. She will not have the kids alone. Usually she'll only insist on sleep overs when his grandkids are visiting so in that case I call her on it and say no as we don't know him or the kids or their parents and the stuff she has said about one very much concerns me.

I can’t believe you’re this dumb. Talk about burying the lede. Jesus. Something has clearly happened between one of the his grandkids and your kids, or between him and your kids.

You should be ashamed of being this clueless. I pray you’re a troll.

What are you talking about? I don't have a relationship with him or his family. Nothing has happened. I only see her boyfriend a few times a year when she insists he comes to our parties or holidays (we don't invite him, she just says she's bringing him). He's been appropriate around my kids but doesn't interact with us at all. My mom's priority is him, not her grandkids so its really only an issue a few times a year. The one grandchild has serious mental health issues and is on multiple medications and has been kicked out of several schools. He's also 12 years older and says he is friends with my kids which he is not. Mine has no interest in him. My kids have never met or talked to, nor have we one set of kids and met the older one once and he's been with my Mom a few times and he did nothing wrong but my kids didn't enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(I'm assuming cold creepy boyfriend poster is not OP.)

OP -- tell her point blank that you don't like the idea of trying to persuade them into sleepovers if they don't want to. If she wants to buy them a Groupon for the water park, she can. She *can't* buy her way into a sleepover and it's not right for her to try.

Different poster but my mom will do those things too. OP can take the kids to the water park, meet mom there with the kids or just do a day trip.

[Anonymous]

Go to the sleepover with them

[Anonymous]

Is creepy boyfriend poster OP?

Is creepy boyfriend poster confused about why her kids won’t sleep at grandma’s?

I can’t keep up!

[Anonymous]

OP: Mom, that’s great that you found a Groupon for the water park. Let’s look at our calendars to see a good time for all 4 of us to go.

Grandmother: Okay. Then the girls can spend the night.

OP: No Mom, that’s not happening.

GM: But why? I told the girls that I’d take them to the water park if they spent the night.

OP: You had no business connecting those two activities and saying that to them. We’re all happy to spend time with you at the water park. But the sleepover is not happening. The girls don’t want to, and I’m backing them on this.

Either GM will cancel water park or will go, but will sulk. She’ll live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our kids were little little, they used to spend the night frequently with my mom, who loved and initiated the overnights. A couple years ago however, they decided they are no longer comfortable sleeping over. They (7,9) insist nothing happened, they just aren’t comfortable anymore. This is fine with us, and we are sure my mom gets other opportunities for quality time. But she’s never stopped pushing the sleepover thing. I feel like every time they interact she brings it up, asking them if they want a sleepover. My youngest point blank asked me to help her, so I shut it down. It worked for a while, but over break she tried again, and now she’s upped the ante telling them she will take them to the indoor water park if they decide they are ready for sleepovers. I feel like she’s trying to manipulate them. I asked them if this is something they’d be interesting in doing, and my oldest said not really and then got upset. Probably because she’d like to swim but knows she can’t unless she gives in and spends the night. So she’s conflicted. My mom just contacted me about it, telling me she found a Groupon, so I think the girls would be up for it.

Do I mention the manipulation when I tell her we are shelving this conversation until the girls mention interest in spending the night? Any other advice?

Your post is written like she has done "something" bad to the kids.