Falling out with a friend within a larger friend group

[Anonymous]

I became good friends with a mom I met 8 years ago. We are in a close friend circle of 3, 5 and 10. She and I were probably the closest. We hung out often, have traveled together alone without kids as well as with our families. The closer we got, the more I realized I don’t like her and prefer to not be friends anymore. I have been trying to do a slow fade over the past year. Problem is we have so many friends in common.

I am civil and attend events when she is around. I prefer not to invite her to anything I host.

My birthday is coming up as well as my child’s birthday. I don’t want to invite her or her children but still want to invite the other 9 friends.

Is there any way of doing this without making it so obvious to others?

I don’t want to explain why I no longer want to be friends and don’t want it to be awkward for others.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how you will be able to do this with out explaining to your friends and breaking up with her.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t do this. You’re going to make things tense and shitty for everyone for no real reason. Just tough it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how you will be able to do this with out explaining to your friends and breaking up with her.

So the other friend of the close circle of 3 also is distancing herself from her as well. The 3 of us were probably the closest. Not everyone in the group of 10 are close friends. Friend I’m trying to drop is part of all 3 friend circles. We all met around the same time.

[Anonymous]

I would not invite others to celebrate my birthday. I would do a kids birthday only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not invite others to celebrate my birthday. I would do a kids birthday only.

The mom friends always use the mom’s birthday as an excuse to go out and hang out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t do this. You’re going to make things tense and shitty for everyone for no real reason. Just tough it out.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t do this. You’re going to make things tense and shitty for everyone for no real reason. Just tough it out.

I agree.
You’re inviting speculation and hurt feelings.
You don’t have to be best friends with her, but it sounds like you’d like to ostracize her from your group.
Grow up and suck it up for the few hours when you’ll be in the same room together.

[Anonymous]

What in the world happened that made you dislike her so much?

There is no way to nicely do this. But you aren't obligated to invite her if you don't want to. It is your house and you make your own rules.

However,the most civil and least socially awkward route would be to invite her to the things the other 9 will be attending, but not to smaller gatherings and no longer invite or accept invitation to hang out with her 1:1. She may ask you about it or she may just come to the conclusion that you aren't close anymore as that sometimes happens in friendships even when nothing negative has happened.

[Anonymous]

Just invite her. It doesn't sound like she did anything to you, you just don't hit it off as best buds anymore. For the sake of your kids and the friend group, just invite her. There are lots of invitees so you don't need to spend time with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t do this. You’re going to make things tense and shitty for everyone for no real reason. Just tough it out.

I agree.
You’re inviting speculation and hurt feelings.
You don’t have to be best friends with her, but it sounds like you’d like to ostracize her from your group.
Grow up and suck it up for the few hours when you’ll be in the same room together.

This will start so much gossip etc and your friends will resent you putting them in a shitty position. Just smile keep your distance but include unless she’s a Horror to all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t do this. You’re going to make things tense and shitty for everyone for no real reason. Just tough it out.

I agree.
You’re inviting speculation and hurt feelings.
You don’t have to be best friends with her, but it sounds like you’d like to ostracize her from your group.
Grow up and suck it up for the few hours when you’ll be in the same room together.

I don’t want to ostracize her. I go to events when she is present. I say hello and exchange small talk. I consciously don’t sit near her and almost always leave physical area if she is there. I’m sure she has noticed but I try not to make it obvious to others.

However, I don’t want to invite her to something for myself or my child.

A big part of the falling out has to do with how her child treats my child. That started it and I started to dislike mom altogether over the past 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Just celebrate your child's birthday with a children's party. If you can't handle being in that friend group, then don't throw events for that friend group.

You are being absurd and there is no other way to look at it; your friends will feel torn and unsettled for nothing. If she had done some horrible thing, that would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how you will be able to do this with out explaining to your friends and breaking up with her.

So the other friend of the close circle of 3 also is distancing herself from her as well. The 3 of us were probably the closest. Not everyone in the group of 10 are close friends. Friend I’m trying to drop is part of all 3 friend circles. We all met around the same time.

So do a small thing with one other friend, or the other 3 from the 5 circle. You cannot invite everyone else from the 10 circle and expect it will go unnoticed or not be awkward.

If she is so awful you can't hang out with her in a group of 10, you should feel justified in explaining that to her. "I'm sorry Larla, but your racist comments have become too much. I need a break." But I suspect your reason is weak, which is why you don't want to have to explain it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how you will be able to do this with out explaining to your friends and breaking up with her.

So the other friend of the close circle of 3 also is distancing herself from her as well. The 3 of us were probably the closest. Not everyone in the group of 10 are close friends. Friend I’m trying to drop is part of all 3 friend circles. We all met around the same time.

So do a small thing with one other friend, or the other 3 from the 5 circle. You cannot invite everyone else from the 10 circle and expect it will go unnoticed or not be awkward.

If she is so awful you can't hang out with her in a group of 10, you should feel justified in explaining that to her. "I'm sorry Larla, but your racist comments have become too much. I need a break." But I suspect your reason is weak, which is why you don't want to have to explain it.

I knew it was that bitch Larla again!!!