Falling out with a friend within a larger friend group

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how you will be able to do this with out explaining to your friends and breaking up with her.

So the other friend of the close circle of 3 also is distancing herself from her as well. The 3 of us were probably the closest. Not everyone in the group of 10 are close friends. Friend I’m trying to drop is part of all 3 friend circles. We all met around the same time.

So do a small thing with one other friend, or the other 3 from the 5 circle. You cannot invite everyone else from the 10 circle and expect it will go unnoticed or not be awkward.

If she is so awful you can't hang out with her in a group of 10, you should feel justified in explaining that to her. "I'm sorry Larla, but your racist comments have become too much. I need a break." But I suspect your reason is weak, which is why you don't want to have to explain it.

I am 100% sure she already knows we have broken up.

We had a falling out and we talked about it 2-3 times a year or so ago. We said everything was fine but I’m just not fine with her.

I think I will have to not invite all 10. I will mix up the guest list so it isn’t obvious. Perhaps I will do a small outing with smaller groups and she just won’t be part of any of the smaller groups. A couple of people post everything on social media so she will probably know we went out.

[Anonymous]

This is the beginning of the end of this friend group. Been there, lived this, wouldn’t have believed it at the time either.

[Anonymous]

I am 100% sure she already knows we have broken up.

We said everything was fine but I’m just not fine with her.

Is this how you normally communicate with people, OP? Do you normally assume that people know what you are feeling on the inside, even if you never told them (or told them the opposite)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am 100% sure she already knows we have broken up.

We said everything was fine but I’m just not fine with her.

Is this how you normally communicate with people, OP? Do you normally assume that people know what you are feeling on the inside, even if you never told them (or told them the opposite)?

I don’t want to be friends with her anymore and that is it.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up this area was not as transient as it is now. We had almost all the same neighbors for my entire childhood. There was a lot of bitchiness and people having conflicts but guess what, they just continued socializing with each other. It was a neighborhood filled with families with kids so there were plenty of opportunities to mingle.

I feel like the era of real adulthood is over. Just a bunch of adolescents and children in big bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up this area was not as transient as it is now. We had almost all the same neighbors for my entire childhood. There was a lot of bitchiness and people having conflicts but guess what, they just continued socializing with each other. It was a neighborhood filled with families with kids so there were plenty of opportunities to mingle.

I feel like the era of real adulthood is over. Just a bunch of adolescents and children in big bodies.

We do not live in the same neighborhood. Our kids don’t attend the same schools. We have to go out of our way to make time for each other with our busy schedules.

In years past, we would make plans 6 months in advance to do things together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up this area was not as transient as it is now. We had almost all the same neighbors for my entire childhood. There was a lot of bitchiness and people having conflicts but guess what, they just continued socializing with each other. It was a neighborhood filled with families with kids so there were plenty of opportunities to mingle.

I feel like the era of real adulthood is over. Just a bunch of adolescents and children in big bodies.

We do not live in the same neighborhood. Our kids don’t attend the same schools. We have to go out of our way to make time for each other with our busy schedules.

In years past, we would make plans 6 months in advance to do things together.

My point is that you just have to live with people in your life that are less than perfect. You have to deal with people in your friend group that you dislike. That is adult life.

[Anonymous]

no falling out -- can't you at least be cordial?

[Anonymous]

You sound pretty horrible, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the beginning of the end of this friend group. Been there, lived this, wouldn’t have believed it at the time either.

THIS. It will backfire. Cracks will appear everywhere and suddenly the group will break apart. There could be members of the group who are putting up with you for the sake of the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how you will be able to do this with out explaining to your friends and breaking up with her.

So the other friend of the close circle of 3 also is distancing herself from her as well. The 3 of us were probably the closest. Not everyone in the group of 10 are close friends. Friend I’m trying to drop is part of all 3 friend circles. We all met around the same time.

So do a small thing with one other friend, or the other 3 from the 5 circle. You cannot invite everyone else from the 10 circle and expect it will go unnoticed or not be awkward.

If she is so awful you can't hang out with her in a group of 10, you should feel justified in explaining that to her. "I'm sorry Larla, but your racist comments have become too much. I need a break." But I suspect your reason is weak, which is why you don't want to have to explain it.

I am 100% sure she already knows we have broken up.

We had a falling out and we talked about it 2-3 times a year or so ago. We said everything was fine but I’m just not fine with her.

I think I will have to not invite all 10. I will mix up the guest list so it isn’t obvious. Perhaps I will do a small outing with smaller groups and she just won’t be part of any of the smaller groups. A couple of people post everything on social media so she will probably know we went out.

I have a "friend" that iced me out of two friend groups about a year ago after we had a falling out totally unrelated to our other friends. She bad mouthed me (heard it from another friend) and since she basically decided there would be no making up that was the end of the friendship. I lost both circles of friends mostly because I just couldn't stand to be around her anymore. So OP, I would suggest you move on.

[Anonymous]

This happened in our circle. Sometimes we get together with Mary and sometimes we get together with Alice, but we never get together with Mary and Alice. If someone invites both, usually whoever responds yes first comes and then the other one conveniently always has some excuse not to make it. Feels like middle school with my 50 something friends.

[Anonymous]

Don't invite her to your party if you don't like her. Probably will lead to another fight and then you can set your boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the beginning of the end of this friend group. Been there, lived this, wouldn’t have believed it at the time either.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am 100% sure she already knows we have broken up.

We said everything was fine but I’m just not fine with her.

Is this how you normally communicate with people, OP? Do you normally assume that people know what you are feeling on the inside, even if you never told them (or told them the opposite)?

I don’t want to be friends with her anymore and that is it.

THe grow the f@ck up and tell her that, ninny.