I feel like wife overdramatizes party planning and I resent the extra $
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Anonymous
| We had thanksgiving at our house, about 40 people. It went well but my wife was really stressed that whole week. I helped the entire Thursday and Friday (the event itself, clean up, take down) but my work schedule didn't let me do a lot of the set up, table prep, meal prep, etc. Our kids are still relatively young (6,3, 10 mo) and she works part time but it really was a lot on her. For our youngest firsts birthday she wants to rent a venue. It will add about 400 dollars to the budget. I just think that's crazy for a 1st bday and we have had all the other kids bday parties at the house just fine. She says she's "at her limit" and since it's a January bday Christmas will have "her nerves shot." I think venues are harder because we have to lug all our food and drinks there, then decorate, then have the party, clean up, drive home, etc. She says its worth it not to have her house completely trashed for days with prep, actual event and the clean up. I feel like it's unfair to all the sudden have the last kids party "upgraded" and she thinks "she's 1 and has no freaking idea." We very rarely have disagreements and I have been thinking about it for days. I think a good compromise is I take off the Friday before the party and really help with the prep stuff. She isn't budging. DCUM what's your opinion? |
Anonymous
| I think you need to take the lead on hosting a larger event, where she just needs to play a smaller supporting role. |
Anonymous
No advice, just my sympathy. My wife is exactly the same way -- every time we entertain everything must be perfect. We fought about it so much that we stopped entertaining. |
Anonymous
| With three kids under 7 all hands need to be on deck. Sounds like while you both contributed to thanksgiving, she did the majority of the work. If you want to have 1 yo's bday at the house, time to take on that role, and let her "help" you. Fair? |
Anonymous
|
Why in the world is she throwing a huge party for the third one year olds birthday?
Have only family members or a few friends and a cake with drinks at home. No need for venue or party planning other than calculating amount of cake and drinks and maybe some nuts for people who don't eat cake. Leave all the winter Christmas decorations up for the party. The kid is one, this party is only for the parent. |
Anonymous
| Most venues provide food and decorations so that's significantly easier than a home party. |
Anonymous
| And, OP, since a simplified party should be pretty easy, why don't you take this one on? |
Anonymous
OP here. Just to take this issue off the table we both want a similarly sized 1st bday for our kid. Its cultural in my family and its an important tradition to both of us. |
Anonymous
| You do the work of finding a cheaper venue. Quick, invites need to go out soon. |
Anonymous
| If she does all the planning, I am absolutely team wife. And unless the childcare you all have is full time, it doesn't help that she works part time. You have three small kids! My husband 'helps' with getting ready for parties/dinner, meaning he'll do what I ask him to do. But he expends zero mental energy on it, no planning time, etc. Clearly you have no experience with that role, either, so you really don't understand how much is riding on your wife. $400 is a bargain for her not to stress out for weeks over what should be fun, family events. |
Anonymous
OP. This is a party hall where you just get the hall. We looked at a few party halls and they were all about the same price. This one is through our church and a good location, I am just still dreading the up grade. |
Anonymous
| Team Venue here. Unless there a concern about the money, it sounds like it would be easier on your wife to have it elsewhere since she's the one who shoulders the burden for planning and prepping. Even if you take a day off, she's telling you she can't handle it. It sounds like she has a lot on her plate. Insisting that she should be able to handle it just because you're going to take a day off and just because she did so in the past is dismissive of her reality right now and likely won't go over well. |
Anonymous
| My opinion (and I am the type who usually thinks men are too stingy on money for kids and they don’t help enough with the house) is that your wife is needlessly running herself ragged and that 400 for a one year olds party is too much money. But my opinion isn’t going to help the situation. I wonder there the pressure is coming from? Does she feel like she has to be the perfect mom? Do her friends throw lavish parties foe their kids? Sounds like something is up and it might be best to address that. |
Anonymous
| Is it possible le to postpone the party for a month? |
Anonymous
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(You should be having food and drinks delivered to the venue directly, not lugging them there.)
You're wrong. You underestimate just how much work goes into this. |