I feel like wife overdramatizes party planning and I resent the extra $

[Anonymous]

She's being insane as are all these enabler PP's.

[Anonymous]

Depending on your salary you’re already be spending the extra cash to take a day off work to help. Why not save that (vac/pers) day to do something actually worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she does all the planning, I am absolutely team wife. And unless the childcare you all have is full time, it doesn't help that she works part time. You have three small kids! My husband 'helps' with getting ready for parties/dinner, meaning he'll do what I ask him to do. But he expends zero mental energy on it, no planning time, etc. Clearly you have no experience with that role, either, so you really don't understand how much is riding on your wife. $400 is a bargain for her not to stress out for weeks over what should be fun, family events.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had thanksgiving at our house, about 40 people. It went well but my wife was really stressed that whole week. I helped the entire Thursday and Friday (the event itself, clean up, take down) but my work schedule didn't let me do a lot of the set up, table prep, meal prep, etc. Our kids are still relatively young (6,3, 10 mo) and she works part time but it really was a lot on her. For our youngest firsts birthday she wants to rent a venue. It will add about 400 dollars to the budget. I just think that's crazy for a 1st bday and we have had all the other kids bday parties at the house just fine. She says she's "at her limit" and since it's a January bday Christmas will have "her nerves shot." I think venues are harder because we have to lug all our food and drinks there, then decorate, then have the party, clean up, drive home, etc. She says its worth it not to have her house completely trashed for days with prep, actual event and the clean up. I feel like it's unfair to all the sudden have the last kids party "upgraded" and she thinks "she's 1 and has no freaking idea." We very rarely have disagreements and I have been thinking about it for days. I think a good compromise is I take off the Friday before the party and really help with the prep stuff. She isn't budging. DCUM what's your opinion?

I'm this wife. Everything must be perfect. Let her do her thing. Do what she asks when she asks for her. Wasn't Thanksgiving amazing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she does all the planning, I am absolutely team wife. And unless the childcare you all have is full time, it doesn't help that she works part time. You have three small kids! My husband 'helps' with getting ready for parties/dinner, meaning he'll do what I ask him to do. But he expends zero mental energy on it, no planning time, etc. Clearly you have no experience with that role, either, so you really don't understand how much is riding on your wife. $400 is a bargain for her not to stress out for weeks over what should be fun, family events.

+1

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had thanksgiving at our house, about 40 people. It went well but my wife was really stressed that whole week. I helped the entire Thursday and Friday (the event itself, clean up, take down) but my work schedule didn't let me do a lot of the set up, table prep, meal prep, etc. Our kids are still relatively young (6,3, 10 mo) and she works part time but it really was a lot on her. For our youngest firsts birthday she wants to rent a venue. It will add about 400 dollars to the budget. I just think that's crazy for a 1st bday and we have had all the other kids bday parties at the house just fine. She says she's "at her limit" and since it's a January bday Christmas will have "her nerves shot." I think venues are harder because we have to lug all our food and drinks there, then decorate, then have the party, clean up, drive home, etc. She says its worth it not to have her house completely trashed for days with prep, actual event and the clean up. I feel like it's unfair to all the sudden have the last kids party "upgraded" and she thinks "she's 1 and has no freaking idea." We very rarely have disagreements and I have been thinking about it for days. I think a good compromise is I take off the Friday before the party and really help with the prep stuff. She isn't budging. DCUM what's your opinion?

You say you rarely have disagreements, but it seems to me that you have very little sympathy for her, and possibly think she's a liar? She's telling you she's at her limit and cannot handle doing this again at the house, and your reaction is to basically roll your eyes and call her dramatic. Why not take her at her word? She's telling you very clearly that she does not want to do this and it's very stressful for her, and she's bringing you a solution at the same time. Seems to me that's the gold standard for communication in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done parties both ways, and she has a point about not having to deal with getting the house ready and then cleaned up. With a Jan birthday party, this time do the party elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

What the heck - a one year old's party?

How about you find a Chuckie Cheese or something similar and just do that for a core group of family/kids. It would be less than the $400 you plan to spend just to rent an empty hall.

Since when do kids' birthday parties have to be "EVENTS" needing this kind of focus and financing?

[Anonymous]

We always always have venue bday parties. Probably because we both work full time + and so DH doesn’t have the luxury of being ignorant about how much work it really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had thanksgiving at our house, about 40 people. It went well but my wife was really stressed that whole week. I helped the entire Thursday and Friday (the event itself, clean up, take down) but my work schedule didn't let me do a lot of the set up, table prep, meal prep, etc. Our kids are still relatively young (6,3, 10 mo) and she works part time but it really was a lot on her. For our youngest firsts birthday she wants to rent a venue. It will add about 400 dollars to the budget. I just think that's crazy for a 1st bday and we have had all the other kids bday parties at the house just fine. She says she's "at her limit" and since it's a January bday Christmas will have "her nerves shot." I think venues are harder because we have to lug all our food and drinks there, then decorate, then have the party, clean up, drive home, etc. She says its worth it not to have her house completely trashed for days with prep, actual event and the clean up. I feel like it's unfair to all the sudden have the last kids party "upgraded" and she thinks "she's 1 and has no freaking idea." We very rarely have disagreements and I have been thinking about it for days. I think a good compromise is I take off the Friday before the party and really help with the prep stuff. She isn't budging. DCUM what's your opinion?

You say you rarely have disagreements, but it seems to me that you have very little sympathy for her, and possibly think she's a liar? She's telling you she's at her limit and cannot handle doing this again at the house, and your reaction is to basically roll your eyes and call her dramatic. Why not take her at her word? She's telling you very clearly that she does not want to do this and it's very stressful for her, and she's bringing you a solution at the same time. Seems to me that's the gold standard for communication in a marriage.

Op here. This is a good point. I am not trying to be a dick. Ok, venue it is. Thanks all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the heck - a one year old's party?

How about you find a Chuckie Cheese or something similar and just do that for a core group of family/kids. It would be less than the $400 you plan to spend just to rent an empty hall.

Since when do kids' birthday parties have to be "EVENTS" needing this kind of focus and financing?

There are plenty of cultures where the first birthday party is a big deal. OP has indicated that's what's happening here. I've never been to a dol party at a Chuck E Cheese.

[Anonymous]

Using your vacation days to party prep is ridiculous. You guys are going way overboard with the parties. Three massive parties (Thanksgiving, Christmas and a Birthday) in the span of two months when you want huge parties and are doing all the work yourselves and you have 3 kids - just why?

Why do that to yourself? You obviously aren't enjoying them. It is using up precious vacation days. It is expensive. It is causing tension in your home. Your wife is run ragged. You are both exhausted. Why live that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Using your vacation days to party prep is ridiculous. You guys are going way overboard with the parties. Three massive parties (Thanksgiving, Christmas and a Birthday) in the span of two months when you want huge parties and are doing all the work yourselves and you have 3 kids - just why?

Why do that to yourself? You obviously aren't enjoying them. It is using up precious vacation days. It is expensive. It is causing tension in your home. Your wife is run ragged. You are both exhausted. Why live that way?

THIS.

OP, why is your wife so fixated on this? Is she insecure generally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My opinion (and I am the type who usually thinks men are too stingy on money for kids and they don’t help enough with the house) is that your wife is needlessly running herself ragged and that 400 for a one year olds party is too much money. But my opinion isn’t going to help the situation. I wonder there the pressure is coming from? Does she feel like she has to be the perfect mom? Do her friends throw lavish parties foe their kids? Sounds like something is up and it might be best to address that.

Read the update - it’s a cultural thing to have a big party so it sounds like all the extended family is coming. Wife wants to rent a hall at their church so it’s not even a kid friendly place.

Reading between the lines it sounds like there’s a lot of pressure on the wife from family who also feel “that it’s no big deal” to have a big party. Since it’s a cultural expectation my guess is OP is Latino or Asian. I’m from one of those cultures and it’s a LOT of work to plan those events. Having a husband who thinks it’s no big deal and I should just suck it up would be infuriating.

Team wife.

P.S. You should look into restaurants with banquet halls. Then all the food is included - so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had thanksgiving at our house, about 40 people. It went well but my wife was really stressed that whole week. I helped the entire Thursday and Friday (the event itself, clean up, take down) but my work schedule didn't let me do a lot of the set up, table prep, meal prep, etc. Our kids are still relatively young (6,3, 10 mo) and she works part time but it really was a lot on her. For our youngest firsts birthday she wants to rent a venue. It will add about 400 dollars to the budget. I just think that's crazy for a 1st bday and we have had all the other kids bday parties at the house just fine. She says she's "at her limit" and since it's a January bday Christmas will have "her nerves shot." I think venues are harder because we have to lug all our food and drinks there, then decorate, then have the party, clean up, drive home, etc. She says its worth it not to have her house completely trashed for days with prep, actual event and the clean up. I feel like it's unfair to all the sudden have the last kids party "upgraded" and she thinks "she's 1 and has no freaking idea." We very rarely have disagreements and I have been thinking about it for days. I think a good compromise is I take off the Friday before the party and really help with the prep stuff. She isn't budging. DCUM what's your opinion?

You say you rarely have disagreements, but it seems to me that you have very little sympathy for her, and possibly think she's a liar? She's telling you she's at her limit and cannot handle doing this again at the house, and your reaction is to basically roll your eyes and call her dramatic. Why not take her at her word? She's telling you very clearly that she does not want to do this and it's very stressful for her, and she's bringing you a solution at the same time. Seems to me that's the gold standard for communication in a marriage.

Op here. This is a good point. I am not trying to be a dick. Ok, venue it is. Thanks all

OP, you are a good man. $400 is very worth it to preserve your marriage. It won't provide her with peace because she will still be stressed but your marriage will live to fight another day. And that's worth $400 in this case.

GL to you!