My ILs insist on attending every single school event/extracurricular event

[Anonymous]

They live 5 hours away and will literally drive to town for every school or extra curricular event, every single birthday (kids and DHs), and also want us for every single holiday. They were so upset that we were seeing my family for Thanksgiving year that they have planned to come into town to see us tomorrow (we haven't even unpacked from our trip yet!). Sometimes I just want to celebrate something as a family. My own, small family. I want to be left alone. I don't want to see them every 2-3 weeks. There's a reason we don't live in the same town as them... But they're not bad people and I do like them. So how can I gently and kindly ask for a little space? Both my DH and the ILs?

[Anonymous]

Who's telling them all the plans?

[Anonymous]

I’m in a similar situation. You need to tell your DH that twice a month weekend visits is too much. Then get him to start drawing the line with his folks.

Do they stay overnight with y’all?

[Anonymous]

This is kinda sweet. Are they the only grandkids?

[Anonymous]

My in laws live 20 minutes away in the same county and have never come over on my kids’ birthdays, never attended any of their sporting events, and never attended any school events. Even the annual grandparents day. It’s sad and the kids notice.

They do expect us to visit them frequently though.

The grass isn’t always greener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws live 20 minutes away in the same county and have never come over on my kids’ birthdays, never attended any of their sporting events, and never attended any school events. Even the annual grandparents day. It’s sad and the kids notice.

They do expect us to visit them frequently though.

The grass isn’t always greener.

This is my mother. She sucks. I wish my kids had OPs "problem".

OP, just keep in mind, this is about the kids. Your kids are so fortunate to have loving grandparents. There is a tremendous psychologist impact on having a loving supportive family. Try to think of your kids first,

[Anonymous]

How old are they and how old are the kids? First of all, you don’t have to tell them about every play or game. I understand needing space.

Right now I’m about to feel really old when I say this, but time will fly by. Overnight we went to be overwhelmed with family visits to none of them being healthy enough to make the drive. No one has visitors in two years and kids are tweens so we are very busy with events. They wish they could have a grandparent come for a visit and the grandparents always want us to travel which is much harder now.

If they insist on coming, I’d not tell them about everything to give yourself a break. Then I’d have them come and skip some events yourself. Let them take the kids by themselves and take the alone time for yourself! Enjoy the help.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this is annoying.
Stop telling her the plans and she will get the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who's telling them all the plans?

This
Stop telling them every time there is an event. Obviously Christmas and Thanksgiving is different

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They live 5 hours away and will literally drive to town for every school or extra curricular event, every single birthday (kids and DHs), and also want us for every single holiday. They were so upset that we were seeing my family for Thanksgiving year that they have planned to come into town to see us tomorrow (we haven't even unpacked from our trip yet!). Sometimes I just want to celebrate something as a family. My own, small family. I want to be left alone. I don't want to see them every 2-3 weeks. There's a reason we don't live in the same town as them... But they're not bad people and I do like them. So how can I gently and kindly ask for a little space? Both my DH and the ILs?

When they come, have them stay for the weekend and you and your DH get away.

TBH, every 2-3 weeks doesn’t sound that often. It is probably more often at this time of the year.

Just remember you control the calendar. Drop the lesser events- don’t drop the birthdays or the yearly puppet show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They live 5 hours away and will literally drive to town for every school or extra curricular event, every single birthday (kids and DHs), and also want us for every single holiday. They were so upset that we were seeing my family for Thanksgiving year that they have planned to come into town to see us tomorrow (we haven't even unpacked from our trip yet!). Sometimes I just want to celebrate something as a family. My own, small family. I want to be left alone. I don't want to see them every 2-3 weeks. There's a reason we don't live in the same town as them... But they're not bad people and I do like them. So how can I gently and kindly ask for a little space? Both my DH and the ILs?

When they come, have them stay for the weekend and you and your DH get away.

TBH, every 2-3 weeks doesn’t sound that often. It is probably more often at this time of the year.

Just remember you control the calendar. Drop the lesser events- don’t drop the birthdays or the yearly puppet show.

Are these their only grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

Can they go to games or some events without you? I would send them to stuff but just have them see the kids, not me every time.

[Anonymous]

Wow. What dedicated grandparents! I understand you might feel a little smothered, though! Henceforth, you will forget to tell them of certain events.

[Anonymous]

A 5 hour drive... Dies that mean they stay overnight with you every single time there’s a kids event?

Yeah. That has to stop. Talk to your husband. Stop telling them about events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 5 hour drive... Dies that mean they stay overnight with you every single time there’s a kids event?

Yeah. That has to stop. Talk to your husband. Stop telling them about events.

OP here. Yes, and this is the biggest issue - having to deal with houseguests in our tiny house and completely lose access to our basement (which doubles as our guest room) for 3-4 days (because they also frequently visit mid-week so as to be able to get home in time for church Sunday morning).

And yes, these are the only grandkids, and DH's sibling is unlikely to have children at this point, so they will remain the only grandkids.

They ask about events, and I don't want to lie about them. DH will casually mention "oh, Jon has a basketball game coming up" and then they'll press for details, blah blah. Also, DH doesn't see the problem and just rolls his eyes when I complain. So I suppose this is a 50-50 DH AND in-law issue.