How to deal with family member who plays victim ALL THE TIME

[Anonymous]

Sil life has been hard. Divorced, 2 kids. One kid is autistic. She has a stable job and makes good money 250k plus. But she constantly creates drama when her expectations are not met (from us). MIL sides with her and guilt trips us to ‘help’ her emotionally/financially etc. i am sick of it. There is always an excuse about her difficult life when she lashes out does horrible mean things. How do you deal with that? How much is enough? How long do you feel sorry for someone in her situation and how long can you tolerate her playing the victim card?

[Anonymous]

Ignore, back away from all of them. If she makes $250, she is very comfortable and probably also gets child support. She needs to manage the money better.

[Anonymous]

Don't bite the hand that feeds you. If she can't be kind and appreciate the help given then time to step back. It would be better if MIL provided her with resources to get more self sufficient and budget better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore, back away from all of them. If she makes $250, she is very comfortable and probably also gets child support. She needs to manage the money better.

Cant. Tried it. MIL expects DH to always help as family is family no matter what was said or done by SIL. They always have excuses but I have reached my breaking point. I honestly will have a nervous breakdown one of these days. There is no pleasing them, nothing is enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore, back away from all of them. If she makes $250, she is very comfortable and probably also gets child support. She needs to manage the money better.

Cant. Tried it. MIL expects DH to always help as family is family no matter what was said or done by SIL. They always have excuses but I have reached my breaking point. I honestly will have a nervous breakdown one of these days. There is no pleasing them, nothing is enough.

So what if she expects it? Does DH go along with everything MIL wants? If so, couples counseling stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't bite the hand that feeds you. If she can't be kind and appreciate the help given then time to step back. It would be better if MIL provided her with resources to get more self sufficient and budget better.

Well, she has bit the hand that feeds her multiple times with zero consequences. Help is always expected whether emotional or financial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore, back away from all of them. If she makes $250, she is very comfortable and probably also gets child support. She needs to manage the money better.

Cant. Tried it. MIL expects DH to always help as family is family no matter what was said or done by SIL. They always have excuses but I have reached my breaking point. I honestly will have a nervous breakdown one of these days. There is no pleasing them, nothing is enough.

So what if she expects it? Does DH go along with everything MIL wants? If so, couples counseling stat.

He is starting to pull back now but MIL keeps trying to make him feel sorry for SIL so he helps her out

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is making 250K and is seriously asking her family for financial help?

[Anonymous]

What kind of emotional support is she expecting from you? Can you give some examples?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore, back away from all of them. If she makes $250, she is very comfortable and probably also gets child support. She needs to manage the money better.

Cant. Tried it. MIL expects DH to always help as family is family no matter what was said or done by SIL. They always have excuses but I have reached my breaking point. I honestly will have a nervous breakdown one of these days. There is no pleasing them, nothing is enough.

So what if she expects it? Does DH go along with everything MIL wants? If so, couples counseling stat.

He is starting to pull back now but MIL keeps trying to make him feel sorry for SIL so he helps her out

[Anonymous]

Does the SIL specifically ask your DH for money or does she go thru your MIL? Also, what else does she ask of you? Help with house repairs?

[Anonymous]

No way. Barring a big one-time emergency you should not be paying for your adult siblings family.

Are they from a developing country or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of emotional support is she expecting from you? Can you give some examples?

Not sure. But basically ‘things will get better’ perhaps. Just an FYI, this situation has not improved in the past 19 years. First it was her hubby issues that she needed to be rescued from. Then lawyer/divorce issues(lawyer fee), kid diagnosed with autism issues (12 year ago, kid 14) and high functioning goes to mainstream school etc. but she can’t help feeling sorry for herself and wants other to feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has a child who is Level I ASD (high functioning), who went to public main stream School (no IEP) and is now about to graduate from college, it can be a very hard day to day slog. TBH, most who do not have that day to day issue to manage do not know how hard it is. It is very isolating. A little more empathy can go a very long way. 24/7/365 as a single mother with a child with ASD- is another level of difficulty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of emotional support is she expecting from you? Can you give some examples?

Not sure. But basically ‘things will get better’ perhaps. Just an FYI, this situation has not improved in the past 19 years. First it was her hubby issues that she needed to be rescued from. Then lawyer/divorce issues(lawyer fee), kid diagnosed with autism issues (12 year ago, kid 14) and high functioning goes to mainstream school etc. but she can’t help feeling sorry for herself and wants other to feel the same way.

I mean...you can give her some empathy. But it's not like every family gathering has to revolve around her latest whoa. People like this don't seem to understand that everyone has problems in life. You deal with them as best you can. The perpetual martyr/victim mentality would get very, very old.

Her going to family members expecting them to fork over money to her when she already earns a hefty salary as it is...that's just greed.