Soccer tournament- mostly on bench

[Anonymous]

(We are not in DC area - moved away a couple years ago)
My 10 yr old son is on a developmental travel team. The team only has 11 players, so we typically get a couple players from the elite team. My complaint has been that the coach plays the elite players more than his own. I’ve discussed it with him, and he agreed (or just did so to avoid a disagreement). My position is that we pay to have our kids play, not guest players, and that our team won’t improve if others play the games for us. My son typically gets a lot of play time - sometimes he plays the entire game. But my position is about the team as a whole. We need to play with the kids we have.
Yesterday was a tournament that we joined last minute - the hosting club needed another U11 team to fill the bracket. Our team is playing for free. Our coach got 4 players from the elite team... so we had 6 subs. First game my son saw little field time. I was annoyed but figured second game he might get more time.
He didn’t. He played for maybe 10 minutes in the first half and sat on the bench the entire second half... in 35 degrees. Towards the end of the game I counted players on the field and only counted 8. Figured since it was dark (the second half was quite literally in the dark) I just couldn’t see all the players. We lost 2 to 1. After the game my son came over and was very upset about not playing. After the game I went to the coach and asked if my son had done something wrong (I asked very nicely- maybe my son had shown attitude or something). Coach responded that he didn’t go in when he was told to, and coach didn’t realize they played 8 instead of 9 for the entire second half because he didn’t go in. On the way home my son was adamant coach did not tell him to go in, and that coach was mean and on and on. But I thought well, maybe he wasn’t paying attention and didn’t hear it. Got Home the coach had sent a text to the team apologizing for yelling at the kids, and stated that they played 1 down because he told them that whomever ended first half was starting second half and he didn’t realize one of the kids didn’t go in. My son did not play at the end of the first half, so coach blamed him when it wasn’t his fault. And what coach doesn’t realize how many players are on the field versus the bench?
So my husband was irate. I’ve calmed down. He told son he isn’t playing today after being treated like that. Part of me agrees... but we are part of the team. But I also know he might end up all day on the bench again since the elite players are there, so why bother going.
Thoughts on skipping today?

[Anonymous]

Wow! I would be furious. How much have you
paid the league to be on this team?

[Anonymous]

The coach is terrible on many levels. You should complain to the club, and maybe find a new team for the Spring season.

But as for skipping the 2nd day of the tournament, you have to ask yourself this question: what lessons do you want your son to learn from this experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I would be furious. How much have you
paid the league to be on this team?

We aren’t in DC so costs area probably different. $500 to join after being selected, almost $1000 for uniforms, $200/month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The coach is terrible on many levels. You should complain to the club, and maybe find a new team for the Spring season.

But as for skipping the 2nd day of the tournament, you have to ask yourself this question: what lessons do you want your son to learn from this experience?

My husband thinks it’s important to show our son we have his best interests in mind and support and believe in him. I agree .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach is terrible on many levels. You should complain to the club, and maybe find a new team for the Spring season.

But as for skipping the 2nd day of the tournament, you have to ask yourself this question: what lessons do you want your son to learn from this experience?

My husband thinks it’s important to show our son we have his best interests in mind and support and believe in him. I agree .

Different poster here: But didn’t you show that by advocating for him in your follow-up conversations with the coach? And don’t you “show” that by telling your son “I believe you.”
What does not going today show exactly? What does it accomplish? How is your son made better by not showing up today?
(I’m asking honestly. There’s no judgment in my questions. This is a really tough situation because there are several layers of emotion here. I’m not sure what I’d do, but I know I’d be asking myself these questions.)

[Anonymous]

Pick up the phone and call the coach with your husband. Make sure your son is out of earshot. This is a conversation between adults. Tell the coach that you’re both struggling with whether to attend today’s game. Tell him you’re still upset because he blamed your kid and that your kid spent an entire half sitting on a bench. Talk it through. Hopefully the coach will be mature enough to apologize and assure you that everyone will have plenty of playing time. It’s worth a shot. Make the call now.

[Anonymous]

^^^And if he’s a jackass, that’s your data point to stay home.

[Anonymous]

What kind of garbage coach can’t get the correct number of players in the field and doesn’t notice for a whole half?!!

Obviously this guy could not care less about this team and is probably resentful that he isn’t coaching the “good” team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach is terrible on many levels. You should complain to the club, and maybe find a new team for the Spring season.

But as for skipping the 2nd day of the tournament, you have to ask yourself this question: what lessons do you want your son to learn from this experience?

My husband thinks it’s important to show our son we have his best interests in mind and support and believe in him. I agree .

Different poster here: But didn’t you show that by advocating for him in your follow-up conversations with the coach? And don’t you “show” that by telling your son “I believe you.”
What does not going today show exactly? What does it accomplish? How is your son made better by not showing up today?
(I’m asking honestly. There’s no judgment in my questions. This is a really tough situation because there are several layers of emotion here. I’m not sure what I’d do, but I know I’d be asking myself these questions.)

He won’t have to spend half the day in the car and sitting in the cold. It’s his weekend and has school tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

My DC was a guest player during a tournament last year. During the championship game, he played my DC the entire game. It was a very competitive and close game. I heard after the game that lots of parents were really mad that their DC only got minutes while a guest player played the entire game. They didn’t care that my DC was the best player and the coach wanted to win the championship.

As a parent, I too agreed with the frustrations and anger as I would be too if I was in their situation. One parent decided to leave the team after this game. We don’t plan to play for them again as we don’t want don’t want to cause anymore issues.

The only thing I constantly teach my DC is to continue practicing and playing hard and never quit as we can’t control what/how coaches think or do. Some coaches evenly divided the playing time equally, while others play their best players more, or even play some players due to politics/relationships.

Life is very unfair as we all know. The earlier our kids know/recognize this, the better. But it should encourage them to work harder & smarter and not quit during the season or tournament. Also, telling our kids that changing teams is not quitting but do after the season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach is terrible on many levels. You should complain to the club, and maybe find a new team for the Spring season.

But as for skipping the 2nd day of the tournament, you have to ask yourself this question: what lessons do you want your son to learn from this experience?

My husband thinks it’s important to show our son we have his best interests in mind and support and believe in him. I agree .

Different poster here: But didn’t you show that by advocating for him in your follow-up conversations with the coach? And don’t you “show” that by telling your son “I believe you.”
What does not going today show exactly? What does it accomplish? How is your son made better by not showing up today?
(I’m asking honestly. There’s no judgment in my questions. This is a really tough situation because there are several layers of emotion here. I’m not sure what I’d do, but I know I’d be asking myself these questions.)

He won’t have to spend half the day in the car and sitting in the cold. It’s his weekend and has school tomorrow.

This is exactly what my wife would do. But this could be a situation where you can use to motivate your son. Ask him how it felt like being on the bench? No good right? Then encourage him to practice harder so that he will never have to be in this situation again. People say it’s better to “Get Even rather than Get Mad” so make the coach regret that he overlooked your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC was a guest player during a tournament last year. During the championship game, he played my DC the entire game. It was a very competitive and close game. I heard after the game that lots of parents were really mad that their DC only got minutes while a guest player played the entire game. They didn’t care that my DC was the best player and the coach wanted to win the championship.

As a parent, I too agreed with the frustrations and anger as I would be too if I was in their situation. One parent decided to leave the team after this game. We don’t plan to play for them again as we don’t want don’t want to cause anymore issues.

The only thing I constantly teach my DC is to continue practicing and playing hard and never quit as we can’t control what/how coaches think or do. Some coaches evenly divided the playing time equally, while others play their best players more, or even play some players due to politics/relationships.

Life is very unfair as we all know. The earlier our kids know/recognize this, the better. But it should encourage them to work harder & smarter and not quit during the season or tournament. Also, telling our kids that changing teams is not quitting but do after the season.

Thank you for your perspective. I understand them wanting to win mentality, but this is a development team.
Life can be unfair, but that doesn’t mean you let people roll over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach is terrible on many levels. You should complain to the club, and maybe find a new team for the Spring season.

But as for skipping the 2nd day of the tournament, you have to ask yourself this question: what lessons do you want your son to learn from this experience?

My husband thinks it’s important to show our son we have his best interests in mind and support and believe in him. I agree .

Different poster here: But didn’t you show that by advocating for him in your follow-up conversations with the coach? And don’t you “show” that by telling your son “I believe you.”
What does not going today show exactly? What does it accomplish? How is your son made better by not showing up today?
(I’m asking honestly. There’s no judgment in my questions. This is a really tough situation because there are several layers of emotion here. I’m not sure what I’d do, but I know I’d be asking myself these questions.)

He won’t have to spend half the day in the car and sitting in the cold. It’s his weekend and has school tomorrow.

That’s what happened yesterday. I think that if you had some assurances that he would play a decent amount today, you’d go. Call the coach. See what he says his plan is for ensuring player time. You’ll get a sense if he is truly remorseful about what happened yesterday.

[Anonymous]

soccer parents are really bonkers