Is This Assault I Should Pursue?

[Anonymous]

I was at a neighborhood Halloween party last night on my block in Old Town. A guy I have met maybe three or four times was there with his wife. He was trashed (a lot of people were). I know his wife pretty well- carpooling, volunteering etc.

The bar is in the courtyard and its a skinny passage back into the house. As he and I were passing, I give the old shy smile and nod to him and he pulls me close to him by the gate and says "Hey Jen your costume looks great!" but in a sarcastic, frat boy sorta way. I say "Thanks Jim!" and start to walk away and HE GRABS MY ASS and goes to kiss the side of my neck.

I could not believe this happened and I basically just fled. My husband finds me shook up and I tell him. He wants to kill the guy but I want it to stay silent and not be the talk of the neighborhood.

No one saw any of this as it was outside and occurred in the span of one minute.

What would you do? It's taken me all day to process this and I still cant believe it happened.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about calling the police but I guarantee I'd let his wife know. What a pig. I presume she was there? How embarrassing to be married to a guy like that.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I wouldn’t press charges but would tell the wife. He needs to go to AA if he can’t control his drinking at a neighborhood party. He’s going to do it at a work function and lose his job.

[Anonymous]

He will say he misconstrued your feelings and he didn’t do it a second time; nothing good will come of calling the police, let it go and stay away from him.

[Anonymous]

I’m never sure why posters give this level of detail.

[Anonymous]

You should have let your husband handle it in the moment.

Now if you say anything, he’s had time to sober up and will be able deny it. I think denying it would have been harder to do in the moment, with you uncharacteristically visibly upset in front of all the neighbors. As we know, hindsight is 20/20. I’d cut all ties with the family and maybe, yeah, tell the wife and the neighbors who think will believe you. Deep down, the wife knows he’s capable of this crap.

Unfortunately, I don’t see how you can pursue this legally at this point. There are no witnesses and it’s a he-said-she said. Plenty of women going through divorces become completely bitter when they learn the hard way how subjectively this sort of accusation is considered in court.

[Anonymous]

This is a matter for your husband to handle.

[Anonymous]

What is “the old shy smile”?

[Anonymous]

Not really understanding the “husband handle” it approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is “the old shy smile”?

Yeah, what is that?

[Anonymous]

I should have added that I can understand if you don’t want to say anything and just quietly cut off the family. At worst, this could be an embarrassing final straw in his marriage. People go loony tunes when they divorce and I can see why you just wouldn’t want to subject your family to any retaliation from this scum and his look-the-other-way wife. I’ll bet she’s been making excuses for him for years and don’t be surprised if she blames you after you embarrass her husband and her.

[Anonymous]

Too late. Should have told the wife when it happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not really understanding the “husband handle” it approach.

Me.either. Especially when alcohol is involved no one should be "handling it" other than loudly saying "Jim! Don't touch my ass!". Because if DH beats on this guy, DH is going to be arrested. If DH verbally confronts him and Jim is a drunk ahole and beats DH, well that's not good either.

I wouldn't pursue this legally. It's a he said she said and the cops aren't going to put a whole lot of effort into an ass grab. I've been assaulted and raped, but in this situation I would just back away from this couple and if you have to be around them, make sure DH or a friend is with you and there is no opportunity for you to be alone. If someone asks, you can say Jim makes you uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have let your husband handle it in the moment.

Now if you say anything, he’s had time to sober up and will be able deny it. I think denying it would have been harder to do in the moment, with you uncharacteristically visibly upset in front of all the neighbors. As we know, hindsight is 20/20. I’d cut all ties with the family and maybe, yeah, tell the wife and the neighbors who think will believe you. Deep down, the wife knows he’s capable of this crap.

Unfortunately, I don’t see how you can pursue this legally at this point. There are no witnesses and it’s a he-said-she said. Plenty of women going through divorces become completely bitter when they learn the hard way how subjectively this sort of accusation is considered in court.

Yup. Something similar happened in our old neighborhood. The wife spread rumors about the OP is that scenario. Basically that she hit on him, was making things up, etc. Those of us who knew that poor woman knew the wife was making it up and acting crazy. Unfortunately enough people believed her and the rumors circled. And once rumors start they have a tendency to get out of control and extend to outside areas.

[Anonymous]

Pursue this assault? For an ass grab? Really? How old are you? I have had my ass grabbed by strangers multiple times in life. They were sober. Yes, it is violating but it is not that bad. He was a drinking jerk. Move on. I was almost raped once and in high school I fell asleep on bus and woke up to a classmate’s finger inside me. I was a virgin. An ass grab with clothes on? Give me a break.