If your children haven't done as well as you thought they should have -- how would you change things

[Anonymous]

Some DCUM posters seem to rip everyone apart for wanting big things for their children. I'm assuming that is because maybe their children haven't performed up to their
abilities. So to give others advice with younger children -- what would you advise them to do to avoid your/your child's pitfalls?

[Anonymous]

I would urge everyone to stop ripping people apart. I don't think you're right, though, to suggest that some parents don't want "big things" for their children. I think that people disagree on how "big things" is defined. A child's happiness may be a "bigger thing" for some than whether or not he or she gets into Harvard.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the parents who is critical of the posters who are "packaging" their kids for an Ivy League school. I don't know what "performing up to their abilities" even means but my daughter is a straight A student at a "big 3" school and is musically talented. My criticism of the posters who were gung-ho about getting their kids into an Ivy league school comes from my own experience watching the children of such competitive parenting grow up and the damage it causes. I told my daughter that there are many, many wonderful colleges in this country (and abroad) and she will find the one that is right for her; I honestly don't care if she goes to an Ivy.

So don't assume my criticism comes from some sense of disappointment or shame. Life is long and to put everything into the goal of a four year slice is to distort life and I won't do that to my child.

[Anonymous]

Good for you.

I also see no reason for not shooting for Harvard if that's one's goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the parents who is critical of the posters who are "packaging" their kids for an Ivy League school. I don't know what "performing up to their abilities" even means but my daughter is a straight A student at a "big 3" school and is musically talented. My criticism of the posters who were gung-ho about getting their kids into an Ivy league school comes from my own experience watching the children of such competitive parenting grow up and the damage it causes. I told my daughter that there are many, many wonderful colleges in this country (and abroad) and she will find the one that is right for her; I honestly don't care if she goes to an Ivy.

So don't assume my criticism comes from some sense of disappointment or shame. Life is long and to put everything into the goal of a four year slice is to distort life and I won't do that to my child.

Thank you for this eloquent post - it expresses my thoughts and sentiments exactly. It's nice to know there are some other sane people out there.
- another mother of a student at a "big 3" school

[Anonymous]

15:03 Amen. If folks do not get a grip, a subset of the next generation is going to be damaged by the unhealthy academic ambitions of parents for their children. The problem with shooting for Harvard or Yale is that you don't know what your Sixth Grader is going to be like by junior year. Winning the lottery is another fine goal provided you're realistic about your chances.

[Anonymous]

No one has answered the question. I suppose those that throw stones have perfect children afterall.

[Anonymous]

Malarky. All kids should make goals and shoot for the stars where ever they are. Sometimes the goals of kids and parents align; sometimes they do not. But, I will continue to motivate all children to work towards their goals ... no matter how lofty, implausible or crazy. This is their time to dream. And parents if you believe that a goal of your children is a quality college education you had better start preparing them while they are young.

Heck, if one's stars reside in College Park, Cambridge, New Haven or Princeton, so be it. But, all kids should strive to make and have sky high goals.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the question has not been answered because our children are too young for us to think things didn't go as well as we thought they would. My child has been a marvelous ROI!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Malarky. All kids should make goals and shoot for the stars where ever they are. Sometimes the goals of kids and parents align; sometimes they do not. But, I will continue to motivate all children to work towards their goals ... no matter how lofty, implausible or crazy. This is their time to dream. And parents if you believe that a goal of your children is a quality college education you had better start preparing them while they are young.

Heck, if one's stars reside in College Park, Cambridge, New Haven or Princeton, so be it. But, all kids should strive to make and have sky high goals.

Good answer -- yes -- what is wrong with kids having "sky high goals" as you call them?

[Anonymous]

Answer to question:

Besides play, kids need direction (from adults) and hard goals to strive for.

[Anonymous]

But what kind of goal is "get into an Ivy?" Especially when the means to that end is apparently expend a lot of effort doing stuff your parents think that college admissions people will value, regardless of whether you have any intrinsic interest in it.

Your standards aren't sky high if your goals focus on college admissions. Sky high is a happy, productive and rewarding life. Treating getting into college as the end game is extremely short-sighted.

[Anonymous]

You have proven my point. Sky high means different things to different folk. As well it should. I do not begrudge or envy those for whom Ivy represents sky high.

[Anonymous]

PP -- I'm the OP -- I didn't say anything about any Ivies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some DCUM posters seem to rip everyone apart for wanting big things for their children. I'm assuming that is because maybe their children haven't performed up to their
abilities. So to give others advice with younger children -- what would you advise them to do to avoid your/your child's pitfalls?

I haven't posted on that other thread at all, and haven't been critical of anyonw, but I am genuinely curious: why in the world would you make such an assumption? Such an assumption just seems weird to me, and having no basis.