I never thought I would have to do this - I just paid for my sister's rehab

[Anonymous]

I just want to vent, my sister who is just a mess, has an alcohol, pot and prescription drug problem, announced on Monday she's going to rehab, but claims because she works in the health care industry she doesn't want to go through her insurance and will self pay. Except she always claims to be broke. She definitely has a drinking problem and I am glad she's finally admitted it and I hate the environment her two young kids have been living in. She had me and my parents added to her account under HIPPA, and when I called the center I just decided to pay it all (with the blessing of my DH, we were in agreement). It's a 30 day outpatient program (she refuses to do inpatient). I am so nervous she won't follow through. She had been begging my parents for money, and they don't have it. I think she's putting my parents in an early grave with her nonstop issues. I really want to see her better.

Anyone else BTDT with a sibling?

[Anonymous]

how much was it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how much was it?

About $2,500 for a 30 day outpatient program and medical detox. I thought it wound be more. I paid the center directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how much was it?

About $2,500 for a 30 day outpatient program and medical detox. I thought it wound be more. I paid the center directly.

Dang, that's less than a month's rent in many places locally.

Also, you're a good sibling, OP - probably better than I would be.

[Anonymous]

My brother sounds exactly like your sister, but has not agreed to go to rehab. Not sure I could afford to pay for him if he did decide to go, but I do wish he'd do something. He is definitely putting my parents in an early grave with his financial woes (he's been in and out of work, mostly out, for a few years now), and he has shared custody of his kids.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. It never stops. I just paid off Mother’s funeral, brother’s funeral, paying monthly for disabled sister’s medical care. Someone has to do it, and I guess I am that someone. Neither sibling ever did one thing for me in their entire lives. Mom was a sweetheart.

[Anonymous]

I think you did the right thing. I would make it clear this is a one time offer and she better take it seriously. And I would stick to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing. I would make it clear this is a one time offer and she better take it seriously. And I would stick to that.

I agree. Even if the program doesn't work for your sister (and you know the odds make that the likeliest scenario right?) you will know that you did this. And you can be clear that you're not doing it again, and you are not bailing her out financially, emotionally, physically, etc.... The cost is worth it for your peace of mind, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing. I would make it clear this is a one time offer and she better take it seriously. And I would stick to that.

+1


My brother went through residential rehab 5 times, never stayed sober for more than a few months after. In this case my parents paid. I do think the fact he knew they would always fork over the money, no matter how many times he relapsed, minimized his incentive to stay on the wagon. He ended up dabbling in drugs and died of an accidental overdose after combining pills and booze. My parents question whether they did the right thing but couldn't stomach the thought of what could happen to him if they cut him off.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Deep down my sister is a really good person, I know that person is still in there. She also has two young kids who I adore and would do anything for, including this. She lives several hours away so I cannot be there in person very much. But before this my DH and I talked about what would trigger us applying for temporary custody. My parents live near her and provide so much support (mainly childcare but sometimes financial) but they’re in their late 70s and their health is steadily declining. She’s also in a horrible marriage, my BIL wouldn’t pay for this. He sucks. I took her kids on vacations over the summer and try so hard to give them love. In the end the two of them are my main concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. It never stops. I just paid off Mother’s funeral, brother’s funeral, paying monthly for disabled sister’s medical care. Someone has to do it, and I guess I am that someone. Neither sibling ever did one thing for me in their entire lives. Mom was a sweetheart.

Sorry for the loss of your Mom.

[Anonymous]

BIL has gone on his 3rd rehab after Feb of this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing. I would make it clear this is a one time offer and she better take it seriously. And I would stick to that.

+1


My brother went through residential rehab 5 times, never stayed sober for more than a few months after. In this case my parents paid. I do think the fact he knew they would always fork over the money, no matter how many times he relapsed, minimized his incentive to stay on the wagon. He ended up dabbling in drugs and died of an accidental overdose after combining pills and booze. My parents question whether they did the right thing but couldn't stomach the thought of what could happen to him if they cut him off.

You were lucky that he overdosed. I say it with all compassion. My BIL.is so far gone that it is hard. Violent, pooping all over the bed, giving money to prostitutes who are drugging h
im. I wish he dies because my ILd

[Anonymous]

My ILs are declining taking care of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Deep down my sister is a really good person, I know that person is still in there. She also has two young kids who I adore and would do anything for, including this. She lives several hours away so I cannot be there in person very much. But before this my DH and I talked about what would trigger us applying for temporary custody. My parents live near her and provide so much support (mainly childcare but sometimes financial) but they’re in their late 70s and their health is steadily declining. She’s also in a horrible marriage, my BIL wouldn’t pay for this. He sucks. I took her kids on vacations over the summer and try so hard to give them love. In the end the two of them are my main concern.

I'm so sorry this is happening to your family, OP. It seesm that your sister and her children are lucky to have you in their lives. I wish all of you, especially your sister's kids, the very best. My mom was the stablizing force in her chaotic family. It could be tough for her to bear.