I never thought I would have to do this - I just paid for my sister's rehab

[Anonymous]

Good of you to do that, just try not to take it personally if/when she fails. Speaking from experience. It is so hard to invest in someone who fails you over and over. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you love your sister but paying for her rehab is totally codependent behavior.

I know you want to pat yourself on the back for paying the money but it doesn’t matter if it’s $1 or $10K ... you saving her is a toxic move.

I’m not going to convince you of this on DCUM.

See a therapist who specializes in ALANON.

It would take a whole day to explain this to you.

You are completely off base here. Paying directly for a sibling’s rehab is not codependent. Giving her cash to pay for rent while knowing her sibling would use it to buy pills or booze? Sure. Paying for her third stint at out-patient when it’s clear out-patient isn’t working? Yep. But paying for one stint of out-patient rehab to give her sister an opportunity at sobriety is not enabling her.

When the sister has insurance and is refusing to use it for reasons that don’t have anything to do with reality—yes, it’s a kind of enabling. Not the worst kind, but a kind.

OP, community-based/outpatient rehab can be just as effective as inpatient (if not more), so despite the seemingly anomalous price, it may be good.

Very true. Outpatient allows the patient to work their regular job and then go to several hours of meetings in the evenings.

[Anonymous]

Cost of rehab does not drive the effectiveness. Many many
folks have gone into recovery from free or nominally
priced rehabs.

[Anonymous]

I wish my sister were as supportive as you are Op. You are a good sister.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you are a good and supportive sister. I do agree with others to temper your expectations as to whether this 30 program will be effective. My sister is in in-patient with a long list of diseases including alcohol addiction, and my mom is constantly disappointed that she doesn't seem to be progressing. It's a long road.

[Anonymous]

I would help my sister in a second if she needed me. And she would do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you love your sister but paying for her rehab is totally codependent behavior.

I know you want to pat yourself on the back for paying the money but it doesn’t matter if it’s $1 or $10K ... you saving her is a toxic move.

I’m not going to convince you of this on DCUM.

See a therapist who specializes in ALANON.

It would take a whole day to explain this to you.

You are completely off base here. Paying directly for a sibling’s rehab is not codependent. Giving her cash to pay for rent while knowing her sibling would use it to buy pills or booze? Sure. Paying for her third stint at out-patient when it’s clear out-patient isn’t working? Yep. But paying for one stint of out-patient rehab to give her sister an opportunity at sobriety is not enabling her.

NP here. Op is being codependent. OP you need alanon. Sister isn't really committed to this and you've probably just thrown your money away. Why are you responsible for fixing this. You can't rescue your sister. You can't rescue your parents.

You need alanon.

It sounds like you need some counseling of your own given your inability to stop projecting your own issues onto others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing. I would make it clear this is a one time offer and she better take it seriously. And I would stick to that.

I agree. Even if the program doesn't work for your sister (and you know the odds make that the likeliest scenario right?) you will know that you did this. And you can be clear that you're not doing it again, and you are not bailing her out financially, emotionally, physically, etc.... The cost is worth it for your peace of mind, IMO.

I would not have paid up front, I would have paid at completion as a reward for finishing. That's said you did the right thing OP. I would also do this for an in law or family as a one-time gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how much was it?

About $2,500 for a 30 day outpatient program and medical detox. I thought it wound be more. I paid the center directly.

If you can't do a good deed without complaining then you should not have done it! Your sister needs help and you should be grateful that you were in a position to help her. Hopefully, this will go a long way to turning her life around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing. I would make it clear this is a one time offer and she better take it seriously. And I would stick to that.

I agree. Even if the program doesn't work for your sister (and you know the odds make that the likeliest scenario right?) you will know that you did this. And you can be clear that you're not doing it again, and you are not bailing her out financially, emotionally, physically, etc.... The cost is worth it for your peace of mind, IMO.

I would not have paid up front, I would have paid at completion as a reward for finishing. That's said you did the right thing OP. I would also do this for an in law or family as a one-time gesture.

That’s not how rehabs work. Thanks for playing, though.

[Anonymous]

There’s a good chance your sister is stealing opioids from the hospital she works at and is feeding her addiction that way. And many rehabs are scams. Be wary and search to see what sort of complaints have been filed about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you love your sister but paying for her rehab is totally codependent behavior.

I know you want to pat yourself on the back for paying the money but it doesn’t matter if it’s $1 or $10K ... you saving her is a toxic move.

I’m not going to convince you of this on DCUM.

See a therapist who specializes in ALANON.

It would take a whole day to explain this to you.

Pat yourself on the back? I’m not getting that from OP at all. Why be nasty?

Funny! I'm not being nasty. Have you dealt with addiction. Have you been through Alanon?

You sound super naive.

OP is in for a long hard road and it is longer and longer the more you let people use you.

NP and yes, you are a nasty cow.

[Anonymous]

I wish my brother who is an addict would accept help. I'd pay for his rehab in a heartbeat. He is an alcoholic and has been on benzos for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. My sister finished the medical detox part and still have three weeks of therapy visits with the outpatient center. She also went to her first AA meeting. I hope she takes this seriously and so far she has.

I don't think she was on opioids but she was taking benzos which is also a controlled substance. The center had her on valium during her detox which she now has finished.

My main concerns are her children and my parents, both sets have really been suffering. I understand this is a day-by-day situation. I appreciate the sincere advice and words of encouragement and for the posters who had negative things I hope you can find peace in your day and your own decisions because as for mine I am there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. My sister finished the medical detox part and still have three weeks of therapy visits with the outpatient center. She also went to her first AA meeting. I hope she takes this seriously and so far she has.

I don't think she was on opioids but she was taking benzos which is also a controlled substance. The center had her on valium during her detox which she now has finished.

My main concerns are her children and my parents, both sets have really been suffering. I understand this is a day-by-day situation. I appreciate the sincere advice and words of encouragement and for the posters who had negative things I hope you can find peace in your day and your own decisions because as for mine I am there.

Thanks for the update, OP. I'm sending your sister all good wishes, and hope that she continues to take recovery seriously. It's a marathon, not a sprint, but it can be done. I hope for peace for her children and your parents, too, since addiction affects much more than the individual. You're generous to provide what you did for her. Good luck.