Why does my overweight mom feel compelled to 'advise' normal-weight me?

[Anonymous]

Title kind of sums it up. My mom is at least 70 pounds overweight. I am a normal weight, but probably on the higher end of normal BMI. But still. I have two small kids, and am less than a year postpartum.

Why her lifelong-overweight self feels compelled to share "fitness wisdom" and "healthy eating wisdom" is beyond me. She pretends to be so virtuous, but then "just can't help herself" when confronted with basically any type of food or dessert or snack or alcoholic beverage.

Sorry, just a vent. I'm sick of it.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Turn it around and ask her how long she's struggled with her weight and what her doctor says about her overall health. I'm not kidding.

I have a very slender (soemtimes skinny) mom who is obsessed with everyone's weight. Enjoys giving unsolicited advice. I no longer let my weight be a conversation topic.

[Anonymous]

Your mother doesn’t want you to suffer the way she is suffering. Reframe it, OP. If she is generally a loving mom, see her comments with love.

[Anonymous]

Judgment is toxic. Stop it now. You’re judging her and think she’s weak. She’s struggling with her weight, and you’re so bothered by her statements about healthy eating. Somehow you think the comments are directed at you. I’m thinking she’s making the comments to try to inspire herself. She’s doing the best she can for herself.

Again, stop with the contempt and judgment. It’s not a good look at any BMI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother doesn’t want you to suffer the way she is suffering. Reframe it, OP. If she is generally a loving mom, see her comments with love.

+1

I think this is it too. It’s hard to lose 70lbs. She’s hoping you never have to.

[Anonymous]

She's been dealing with this her whole life and it probably consumes a disproportionate amount of her thoughts. And she's your mom so you and your wellbeing consume an even more disproportionate amount of her thoughts.

Im sure it's annoying but certainly not mean spirited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Turn it around and ask her how long she's struggled with her weight and what her doctor says about her overall health. I'm not kidding.

I have a very slender (soemtimes skinny) mom who is obsessed with everyone's weight. Enjoys giving unsolicited advice. I no longer let my weight be a conversation topic.

I have the same kind of mother. She is so happy to be taller and skinnier than me. She loves bringing up my weight. However I've said enough cutting things that she stopped telling my daughter to lose weight, and she doesn't bring up mine as often as she used to. BTW, we're all on the slim side in the family, except my mother who is significantly underweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judgment is toxic. Stop it now. You’re judging her and think she’s weak. She’s struggling with her weight, and you’re so bothered by her statements about healthy eating. Somehow you think the comments are directed at you. I’m thinking she’s making the comments to try to inspire herself. She’s doing the best she can for herself.

Again, stop with the contempt and judgment. It’s not a good look at any BMI.

You are so off-base, that I can tell it is YOU who are projecting, dear. Either you are overweight, or you just realized your "helpful" comments to your loved ones are unwanted and unwelcome, or both.

My mom has literally looked at my plate of dinner and has said, "You shouldn't be eating potatoes at all, let alone white potatoes." Tell me exactly how I'm "judging her" in that scenario, when she is literally judging ME and the food I eat. Go on, tell me that is me judging her, and not the other way around.

I'll wait.

-OP

[Anonymous]

When your mom shares her "wisdom", ask her "How's that working for you?" Repeat.

[Anonymous]

You clearly want to see your mother as the bad guy here, OP. Most of the posters agree that she just doesn’t want you to suffer as she has but you have decided that you only want to see her comments as a criticism.

I hope that works out for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You clearly want to see your mother as the bad guy here, OP. Most of the posters agree that she just doesn’t want you to suffer as she has but you have decided that you only want to see her comments as a criticism.

I hope that works out for you.

It's like a person caked it mud telling someone who has a smudge on their cheek that they need to take a bath.

Show me where I'm wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

Yup. Same reason my mom gives me professional advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgment is toxic. Stop it now. You’re judging her and think she’s weak. She’s struggling with her weight, and you’re so bothered by her statements about healthy eating. Somehow you think the comments are directed at you. I’m thinking she’s making the comments to try to inspire herself. She’s doing the best she can for herself.

Again, stop with the contempt and judgment. It’s not a good look at any BMI.

You are so off-base, that I can tell it is YOU who are projecting, dear. Either you are overweight, or you just realized your "helpful" comments to your loved ones are unwanted and unwelcome, or both.

My mom has literally looked at my plate of dinner and has said, "You shouldn't be eating potatoes at all, let alone white potatoes." Tell me exactly how I'm "judging her" in that scenario, when she is literally judging ME and the food I eat. Go on, tell me that is me judging her, and not the other way around.

I'll wait.

-OP

I don’t understand why you can’t just laugh and say “mom! I’m a perfectly healthy weight! Stop picking at my food.”

You seem sooooo bitter. My guess is y’all have bigger issues than food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly want to see your mother as the bad guy here, OP. Most of the posters agree that she just doesn’t want you to suffer as she has but you have decided that you only want to see her comments as a criticism.

I hope that works out for you.

It's like a person caked it mud telling someone who has a smudge on their cheek that they need to take a bath.

Show me where I'm wrong.

1. Because not every interaction is a competition.

2. Because a good chunk of any parent/child conversation is about much more than the words you are hearing — I learned this from raising a teen and dealing with my own mom.

3. Because most of the time our moms are deep down meaning we’ll even if what they are meaning isn’t apparent.

4. It is painfully obvious that this mom is really saying “honey, this caused me so much pain through my life and it scares me that it might be the same for you. I don’t know what to say or do so I am offering this”.

No one is saying this mom is graceful or appropriate. And my feelings might be hurt, too. I am saying the mud analysis is off point, though.

Also, OP, if you are at the upper level of the normal index, you probably should pay more attention to your diet and make sure it is healthy and balanced. I sense a bit of defensiveness about your weight more generally, since you defended yourself to us.