Why does my overweight mom feel compelled to 'advise' normal-weight me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

there is no evidence supporting your claim in your first post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ You are a real justice warrior? No? Cut the crap, I am the least patriarchal person ever and research the crap of the dominant cultures and all the bs that comes with in. For work! I am just likely older than you, and have no time to fight my own mother to establish my independence. I did that long, long ago. That is why you are doing it, you have not separated your own identity for hers.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?[/quote]


You are getting out of shape about something that would have made me guffaw. Right there. And then. In front of her.

No, you aren't supposed to be happy about it, but I suggest you are getting a bit crazy over something that is clearly about her and not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

You are getting out of shape about something that would have made me guffaw. Right there. And then. In front of her.

No, you aren't supposed to be happy about it, but I suggest you are getting a bit crazy over something that is clearly about her and not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

You are likely destined to be as big as her. She is trying to warn you. Heed it.

And if we are being honest.... who knows the best how to get heavy? Who has first hand experience? Who has BTDT? Overweight people. She is warning you not to do what she does. She sees herself in you, and you see yourself in her.
You think a 110lbs woman knows how not to get fat? She might claim she knows, but the fact is, she probably doesn't have two genetic markers for obesity and she has high insulin resistance. Or she has never, ever faced the issue, and talks just like you mom, with the buffalo wing around her mouth at all times.

[Anonymous]

People who live in fat houses shouldn’t throw stones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

You are likely destined to be as big as her. She is trying to warn you. Heed it.

And if we are being honest.... who knows the best how to get heavy? Who has first hand experience? Who has BTDT? Overweight people. She is warning you not to do what she does. She sees herself in you, and you see yourself in her.
You think a 110lbs woman knows how not to get fat? She might claim she knows, but the fact is, she probably doesn't have two genetic markers for obesity and she has high insulin resistance. Or she has never, ever faced the issue, and talks just like you mom, with the buffalo wing around her mouth at all times.

No, she's not warning me not to do what she does. That would require self-awareness and self-reflection. She literally is eating a Buffalo wing while telling me what not to eat. If there was some humility, grace or awareness involved, I would feel differently.

[Anonymous]

OP. It would drive me batty too. It’s part of her disordered eating and ongoing control struggle. I guess it makes her feel better to be a know-it-all about food.

But unlike many others, I don’t think she is saying these things out of a straightforward desire to spate you her fate. It’s some more complicated psychological dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

^^ OP, (not OP.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

You are likely destined to be as big as her. She is trying to warn you. Heed it.

And if we are being honest.... who knows the best how to get heavy? Who has first hand experience? Who has BTDT? Overweight people. She is warning you not to do what she does. She sees herself in you, and you see yourself in her.
You think a 110lbs woman knows how not to get fat? She might claim she knows, but the fact is, she probably doesn't have two genetic markers for obesity and she has high insulin resistance. Or she has never, ever faced the issue, and talks just like you mom, with the buffalo wing around her mouth at all times.

No, she's not warning me not to do what she does. That would require self-awareness and self-reflection. She literally is eating a Buffalo wing while telling me what not to eat. If there was some humility, grace or awareness involved, I would feel differently.

Okay, so you’ve “vented.” You can’t stand that your mom does this. Feel better? Probably not. Try reading this piece instead:
https://www.success.com/the-dangers-of-venting/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

You are likely destined to be as big as her. She is trying to warn you. Heed it.

And if we are being honest.... who knows the best how to get heavy? Who has first hand experience? Who has BTDT? Overweight people. She is warning you not to do what she does. She sees herself in you, and you see yourself in her.
You think a 110lbs woman knows how not to get fat? She might claim she knows, but the fact is, she probably doesn't have two genetic markers for obesity and she has high insulin resistance. Or she has never, ever faced the issue, and talks just like you mom, with the buffalo wing around her mouth at all times.

No, she's not warning me not to do what she does. That would require self-awareness and self-reflection. She literally is eating a Buffalo wing while telling me what not to eat. If there was some humility, grace or awareness involved, I would feel differently.

Is she otherwise a good mom and grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

You are likely destined to be as big as her. She is trying to warn you. Heed it.

And if we are being honest.... who knows the best how to get heavy? Who has first hand experience? Who has BTDT? Overweight people. She is warning you not to do what she does. She sees herself in you, and you see yourself in her.
You think a 110lbs woman knows how not to get fat? She might claim she knows, but the fact is, she probably doesn't have two genetic markers for obesity and she has high insulin resistance. Or she has never, ever faced the issue, and talks just like you mom, with the buffalo wing around her mouth at all times.

No, she's not warning me not to do what she does. That would require self-awareness and self-reflection. She literally is eating a Buffalo wing while telling me what not to eat. If there was some humility, grace or awareness involved, I would feel differently.

Is she otherwise a good mom and grandma?

+100000

[Anonymous]

Op it would be annoying if every time I was around someone they had something to say about the food I was eating.

I would maybe structure visits with less eating around your mother if it's that bad. Just go for coffee because yes it is irritating being around someone that would pick apart what you are eating or wearing or what you look like. A few comments are meh but ongoing is like water dripping.

Maybe just tell her outright that you don't want to hear her opinion on food. Tell her you hear her and understand and don't want to hear it again.

[Anonymous]

OP, she doesn't want to be alone in her problem, so she's bringing you into it so it's a problem the two of you share. Now in her mind, she's not solely culpable for being overweight.

There might be a little but of "it could happen to anyone so we need to be very careful" going on too so she can paint herself as an innocent victim instead of someone who overeats when she knows better. Lots of people can eat healthy portions of potatoes and still stay fit. She wants potatoes to be the party at fault instead of her own choices.

[Anonymous]

She knows how much it hurts to be overweight and she doesn’t want it to happen to you.