Why does my overweight mom feel compelled to 'advise' normal-weight me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgment is toxic. Stop it now. You’re judging her and think she’s weak. She’s struggling with her weight, and you’re so bothered by her statements about healthy eating. Somehow you think the comments are directed at you. I’m thinking she’s making the comments to try to inspire herself. She’s doing the best she can for herself.

Again, stop with the contempt and judgment. It’s not a good look at any BMI.

You are so off-base, that I can tell it is YOU who are projecting, dear. Either you are overweight, or you just realized your "helpful" comments to your loved ones are unwanted and unwelcome, or both.

My mom has literally looked at my plate of dinner and has said, "You shouldn't be eating potatoes at all, let alone white potatoes." Tell me exactly how I'm "judging her" in that scenario, when she is literally judging ME and the food I eat. Go on, tell me that is me judging her, and not the other way around.

I'll wait.

-OP

I don’t understand why you can’t just laugh and say “mom! I’m a perfectly healthy weight! Stop picking at my food.”

You seem sooooo bitter. My guess is y’all have bigger issues than food.

Your mom shouldn’t have said that, but it is so ridiculous that it would only be taken seriously if there was more going on.

Heck, my mom told me that men always marry women who look like their own mothers... my husband’s mom was 60lbs heavier than me, didn’t wash her hair often enough and had a furry mole on her cheek. More importantly, she always looked angry, especially when she was looking at me.

Potatoes, shomatoes,


I still don’t know what my mom was getting at, but I called her on it and she never said something like that again.

[Anonymous]

She probably doesn't want you to end up like her. Isn't her job to take care of you, that is still in her mind, maybe take it as her concern for you?

[Anonymous]

You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

[Anonymous]

My obese father in law likes to give “nutrition” advice. Like he used to get in screaming matches with my brother-in-law’s ex-girlfriend because she was vegetarian. He got very mad at me when I said I also try to eat predominantly vegetarian (like meat 1-2 meals a week) because of the “risk” to my children. In that case I think he was legitimately scared for them / worried about nutrition but absolutely won’t accept that eating habits other than his can be healthful.

[Anonymous]

Pp here - my FIL is obese by the way. My mother is probably close to anorexic so I don’t look to either set of parents for healthy food tips. The only time my mother told me I “looked great” after being hospitalized and losing 20 lbs during an illness in college I got pretty furious with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

You are judging her so much! You should try to be a bit more relaxed. You are probably worried about your own weight and that is why this bothers you so much. So sure, she is without a censor, it will only get worse older she gets. Most of us learn to let it roll off, because we understand that they are elderly and losing most filters. You might hyper-observe her or comment, but come on, your every post is judging her, for her comments, and for her weight. Is she otherwise a nice mom? Is she a good grandma? Ask her next time, I mean she is you mom, right, ask her, "mom, why do you comment on my food choices?" Then listen to what she says, and tell her that she is making you uncomfortable and that you want her to stop. How hard is that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your mom shares her "wisdom", ask her "How's that working for you?" Repeat.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

You are judging her so much! You should try to be a bit more relaxed. You are probably worried about your own weight and that is why this bothers you so much. So sure, she is without a censor, it will only get worse older she gets. Most of us learn to let it roll off, because we understand that they are elderly and losing most filters. You might hyper-observe her or comment, but come on, your every post is judging her, for her comments, and for her weight. Is she otherwise a nice mom? Is she a good grandma? Ask her next time, I mean she is you mom, right, ask her, "mom, why do you comment on my food choices?" Then listen to what she says, and tell her that she is making you uncomfortable and that you want her to stop. How hard is that.

NP. Come on. Hypocrisy leaves me cold. You can’t tell me diet advice from someone eating wings as they were “helping” you wouldn’t bug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

You are judging her so much! You should try to be a bit more relaxed. You are probably worried about your own weight and that is why this bothers you so much. So sure, she is without a censor, it will only get worse older she gets. Most of us learn to let it roll off, because we understand that they are elderly and losing most filters. You might hyper-observe her or comment, but come on, your every post is judging her, for her comments, and for her weight. Is she otherwise a nice mom? Is she a good grandma? Ask her next time, I mean she is you mom, right, ask her, "mom, why do you comment on my food choices?" Then listen to what she says, and tell her that she is making you uncomfortable and that you want her to stop. How hard is that.

NP. Come on. Hypocrisy leaves me cold. You can’t tell me diet advice from someone eating wings as they were “helping” you wouldn’t bug.

No, it doesn't. My mom is obese, I am not, she gives advice all the time on eating. All the time. She can't make up her mind if she wants me to eat more or eat something else. If I gain a few she comments negatively, is I put on a few she comments negatively! All I am saying is, she is elderly and she is my mom. So, sometimes I let it roll off, and something you tell her, no thanks without getting into some emotional battle. If you are going to fights your parents as they get old, you will end up with no peace of mind for yourself. And would you be ok with your super skinny relative giving you advice? I guess not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

You are judging her so much! You should try to be a bit more relaxed. You are probably worried about your own weight and that is why this bothers you so much. So sure, she is without a censor, it will only get worse older she gets. Most of us learn to let it roll off, because we understand that they are elderly and losing most filters. You might hyper-observe her or comment, but come on, your every post is judging her, for her comments, and for her weight. Is she otherwise a nice mom? Is she a good grandma? Ask her next time, I mean she is you mom, right, ask her, "mom, why do you comment on my food choices?" Then listen to what she says, and tell her that she is making you uncomfortable and that you want her to stop. How hard is that.

NP. Come on. Hypocrisy leaves me cold. You can’t tell me diet advice from someone eating wings as they were “helping” you wouldn’t bug.

No, it doesn't. My mom is obese, I am not, she gives advice all the time on eating. All the time. She can't make up her mind if she wants me to eat more or eat something else. If I gain a few she comments negatively, is I put on a few she comments negatively! All I am saying is, she is elderly and she is my mom. So, sometimes I let it roll off, and something you tell her, no thanks without getting into some emotional battle. If you are going to fights your parents as they get old, you will end up with no peace of mind for yourself. And would you be ok with your super skinny relative giving you advice? I guess not.

Boy, the patriarchy and “respect your elders” culture really got you. You’re such a Good Girl!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want you to make her mistakes.

You are likely destined to be as big as her. She is trying to warn you. Heed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are judging her for being heavy, and she is judging you for being on the way to overweight. Two peas in the pod.

I don't judge her. At all. I don't hyper-observe and comment on what she eats and "advise" her on her diet or exercise habits.

But what, she can come at me with all that, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I'm supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing (this actually happened)?

OP you’re missing the entire point. Look at your post. You are absolutely judging her. “I’m supposed to listen to this advice literally dispensed around a mouthful of Buffalo wing.” Your contempt for her is oozing in your posts.

No one is telling you to be happy about it. Just stop judging her. She’s doing the best she can. She struggles with eating. It’s not a moral failing on her part. When she shares it, whether she’s eating a Buffalo wing or a piece of celery, you just say, “Okay, thanks mom.” And move on with your life. Just drop the drama.

[Anonymous]

^^ You are a real justice warrior? No? Cut the crap, I am the least patriarchal person ever and research the crap of the dominant cultures and all the bs that comes with in. For work! I am just likely older than you, and have no time to fight my own mother to establish my independence. I did that long, long ago. That is why you are doing it, you have not separated your own identity for hers.

[Anonymous]

^^from hers.