Couldn't feel sh*ttier when receiving a wedding gift registry from ex's soon to be wife...

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy for several months, he was mostly sweet and romantic but I felt he wasn't very open to me, like he wouldn't invited me to his place, the excuse was he used to have exes harassed him after breakup. He caved after we had serious discussion. He also has this flirtatious personality, so I vetted him for about 2 months before seriously dating him.

One day he stepped away taking a phone call for about half an hour. When he returned, he told me that a lady friend will move into his apartment because her visa expired and is in need a place to stay. I knew he dated or slept with many before me, but since we established relationship and he honestly told me this, I trusted he wouldn't do something shady. So I just asked him if she was one of his ex and what does she do here. He said no, she is a good friend, and she is a nanny. I asked is there anything I should know between them? He said no. I didn't say more.

Then in about a month, I decided to break up with him because of personality difference and he seemed take the relationship too casually. I'm a very busy career woman and I'm passionate about my job, but he doesn't like his job and just does enough to get paid, and the same attitude was carried into our relationship, I didn't feel in love and sometimes felt disrespected. The breakup was amicable, though he avoided to do it in person, and we agreed to remain friends.

Fast forward 2 months later, today I received his wedding gift registry link, he is getting married NEXT MOMTH!!! I'm not sure if he forgot to filter his contact list or he or the woman intended to include me in the list. He didn't contact me in the past two months. I have been taking the necessary time to recover and catching some important project deadlines, so I didn't get the chance to contact him either, not that I intended to cut off ties. But this email made me felt really really sh*tty!!!

It's not jealous or something, I don't think about him romantically anymore. But I suspected I was played like a fool. In retrospect, there was something fishy ever since she moved in his apartment, but I didn't think that much and now they could all be pieced together. I have never met this woman, he has so many friends, I didn't had the chance to meet all of them and we mostly dated near or at my place, the only time he invited her to a group outing including me, she didn't show up. And I trusted him, the last date we were together, we cuddled after sex, he was joking saying we should make a baby soon. He told me one of his best friends is visiting in October. He lives in a small studio in downtown DC, only one guest bed in the dinning area, so I asked him how do you have 3 people sleep in the apartment? He said well one of us has to sleep on the floor...I asked so is she going to stay indefinitely? He said he doesn't know. Now it all resonates BS.

I've been loving and respectful in all my past relationships, short or long, I've never felt bitter especially after the romance is gone. And I'v never cursed people in my 30 years of life, it felt so sh*tty now that I wanted to call him to say F U.

[Anonymous]

You broke up with him so what’s the issue? You need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Do you think you were the other woman, and he lied to you? Or that she really moved in intending to just be friends, and things got intense really fast?

[Anonymous]

Dodged a bullet. Count yourself lucky. But it’s normal to feel a little bit like a chump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You broke up with him so what’s the issue? You need to move on.

Uh, sounds like he used her. I would be mad, too.

Also, DH and I knew we would marry three months after meeting, so the timeline, while unorthodox, isn’t what’s pinging for me. It’s the sleeping arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You broke up with him so what’s the issue? You need to move on.

I know I should move on, it's just humiliating to be played by them, not just him. She knew we were dating all along, and she would go on trips and accept dates or ask him out on dates. Of course he didn't told me, I pieced it together from the wedding info about their love life with snapshots of the woman's Instagram, he never told me these trips until he came back and didn't tell me who he went with. It's probably a good thing I don't have Instagram, I won't see more evidence of his double dating life. Or if I had, I might be able to get out the relationship earlier than later.

[Anonymous]

omg you understand that YOU are the lucky one...she's getting married to someone who has already cheated on her with you, or is likely to cheat in the future?

You dodged the bullet, and looking at the victim, and feeling like shit because he didn't aim at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you were the other woman, and he lied to you? Or that she really moved in intending to just be friends, and things got intense really fast?

I don't know, now I don't even know what I was to him. If she was the main woman since he knows her longer than me, then he wouldn't introduce me to his close friends and seriously date me, unless these friends all knew about it, I was the only idiot not knowing, and why on earth she would allow him dating me. If she wasn't, then where is this wedding coming from?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes things just happen:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/830804.page

[Anonymous]

OP--laugh. That's all. Make it into a hilarious story about what a loser he was from the start. Treat it as a comedy. Laugh. Being pissed gives him a hold on you. Laugh him off, he is simply too ridiculous. Thank heavens you dumped him.

[Anonymous]

I would make a point to talk to that woman. Ask her if she mean't to invite you and simply explain you were surprised because you've been dating him as well! My gosh I would want to be told if I was about to marry such a horrible man.

[Anonymous]

Just because you feel bad that this guy may have played you does not mean that you still have feelings for him.

It is very common for anyone to feel like they were used when after a break-up, you see your ex has moved on.
In this case....WAY on.

I had an ex that unfortunately lived in my apartment complex.
Shortly after we broke up, I saw him outside in the parking lot w/hickeys all over his neck.

While I didn’t want him back - I have to say that seeing him move on so quickly kinda stung.

Even if you initiated the break up, it can still feel crummy when your ex already has someone new while you are still alone.

[Anonymous]

You dodged a bullet. I am also wondering if you were the other woman.

You say he has a lot of friends. You didn't meet all of them. How do you know you met the close ones. He might of had a lot of history with this particular woman, on again off again and now they are getting married and pretty soon having a baby - that's where that comment would have from. He was probably already planning the baby with the other woman.

He is a player. Consider yourself lucky.

[Anonymous]

Seriously dodged a bullet. It would bother me because I would want to know how I missed clues so it didn’t happen to me again, but you seriously dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Are you, he, and the other woman all from the same country originally? Just curious.