DH wants less responsibility and less pay
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Anonymous
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DH works in education so the pay isn’t amazing but the benefits are good. He recently switched his role and hates it. I’d get texts during the day from him saying he wanted to quit and stay home. He’s almost finished certifications to take him to the next level in his career. But now he says he doesn’t want to do that work anymore. He started applying for other jobs but the pool is limited given the nature of his work. He interviewed somewhere recently and got an offer that pays almost $20k less than his current job. He swears up and down it’s worth it because it’ll be less stressful for him. Financially, I’m not sure how’d we make ends meet. We’d be swapping his happiness at work for money issues. There’s not that much we can cut. He’s basically telling me there is no path for him to make a significant pay increase and that means he’s putting our family’s financial stability on me. He's being incredibly selfish and we have young kids at home that we need to think about. When I reflect on his choices, I can see there is a pattern with him quitting. He’s well respected and a hard worker but he gets overwhelmed easily, bottles it up and then wants to change roles. I just don’t see the value in taking such a paycut with the hope that he’ll be less stressed. I think he’ll always be stressed no matter what he does, so why not get paid for your time. And his current job is just different than the last but one he’s totally capable of doing.
I can see if he was totally stepping out of the workforce, but he isn’t. He’s just getting paid less. It’s not a better commute, not less hours. It’s the glimmer of hope that he might not be stressed but I say that’s just how he’s wired. Am I a horrible person to tell him to suck it up? I don’t think I have the ability to do sustain our household (groceries, cleaning, appointments, house repairs etc...) plus lead our financial situation. |
Anonymous
| Do YOU work? |
Anonymous
THIS. |
Anonymous
| I do work. A lot actually. |
Anonymous
| Tell him if he doesn't work and contribute, you cannot afford the lifestyle and he is extra baggage that you'll need to get rid of in order to cut expenses. |
Anonymous
| So he's going to swap job stress for money stress which will, in turn, create job stress again. Solid plan. |
Anonymous
Even with 2 income, do you really need him to make more? Sounds like he is miserable. |
Anonymous
| How much do you make, how much does he currently make? |
Anonymous
Actual money making work or house work? |
Anonymous
| He should try to counter-offer. Would a $10k salary cut be sustainable? |
Anonymous
| If he was in a lower stress job, do you think he could and would pick up more of the household management and tasks? Are you interested in and able to move up and make more at your job? I understand where you are coming from with your analysis that a stressed person will always be stressed-I am that person, but I also think that you need to work together to find a solution you can both live with. What if you asked him to work with a therapist for 6 months to address his stress, and if he does that and still feels the same way you will support him in finding a lower stress job even if it means a paycut. |
Anonymous
I think OP is a SAHM. |
Anonymous
| He is more than a meal ticket. He is your husband. Have a heart... |
Anonymous
| I’m definitely not a SAHM. I also make more than my husband. I’ve been asking him to see a counselor forever but he’s always so busy with work, he says he doesn’t have the time. He reminds me how little we have when I buy a coffee work or want to sign our kids up for a sport (currently only one is doing one sport). He’s going from $80ks to $60ks. |
Anonymous
That's my hunch. As for those of us that work FT, if we decide to lean out for better quality of life, we need to allow men to do the same. |