Should I tell my ex about my boyfriend before I intro him to the kids?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been divorced a year. Met my BF on Bumble right after that. We have had an awesome year. At this point we’ve met each other’s family and friends. We’ve taken a few weekend trips together. I didn’t think I was looking for something serious, but, here we are, and we love each other very much. We are ready to introduce our kids (ages 11-5) in the next month or so.

I don’t have the best relationship with my ex. Long story, but we essentially only have terse interactions about the kids. Share 50/50 custody.

What do I “owe” him for notice about telling the kids I have a BF? I would like to think if I tell him in advance that he would be able to be supportive and provide a sounding board for the kids. I do not think that will be the case though.

[Anonymous]

My divorce decree included that the other parent would be notified before kids were introduced to any new partners. You're not asking permission, just notifying. It's much better that he hears it from you and not from the kids after the fact.

[Anonymous]

What would you want him to do if the situation were reversed?

Privacy at least a text, “kids will meet my bf of a year this weekend. His name is Joe and he is a Profession for State.”

[Anonymous]

Met boyfriend right after divorce.
Think you're in love.
Think it's going to end well and you'll live happily ever after.

Rebound relationships never end well. This is why you take time out and work on yourself for a while after divorce.

[Anonymous]

Yes, best idea for people who co parent is to disclose this before it happens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met boyfriend right after divorce.
Think you're in love.
Think it's going to end well and you'll live happily ever after.

Rebound relationships never end well. This is why you take time out and work on yourself for a while after divorce.

I married my rebound. It ... Was good enough until it wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of if he’s thrilled when you tell him, I think it’s better if you tell him beforehand now than him finding out down the road from one of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met boyfriend right after divorce.
Think you're in love.
Think it's going to end well and you'll live happily ever after.

Rebound relationships never end well. This is why you take time out and work on yourself for a while after divorce.

Thanks. Appreciate the insight. You weren’t with me though the years of therapy that I’ve been through as this all worked it’s way out. I know myself. I’m good where I am. I wasn’t soliciting feedback on my relationship or even on how to tell my kids. I am just trying to figure out what/when to tell my ex about it.

My boyfriend’s decree states that they’ll tell each other 48 hours before one of them tells the kids about a new relationship. I guess I could just follow that. Seems courteous. I do fear that my ex will have a tantrum in front of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met boyfriend right after divorce.
Think you're in love.
Think it's going to end well and you'll live happily ever after.

Rebound relationships never end well. This is why you take time out and work on yourself for a while after divorce.

Thanks. Appreciate the insight. You weren’t with me though the years of therapy that I’ve been through as this all worked it’s way out. I know myself. I’m good where I am. I wasn’t soliciting feedback on my relationship or even on how to tell my kids. I am just trying to figure out what/when to tell my ex about it.

My boyfriend’s decree states that they’ll tell each other 48 hours before one of them tells the kids about a new relationship. I guess I could just follow that. Seems courteous. I do fear that my ex will have a tantrum in front of the kids.

And I would send him a text. I obviously would not tell him in front of the kids... he is just prone to out bursts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met boyfriend right after divorce.
Think you're in love.
Think it's going to end well and you'll live happily ever after.

Rebound relationships never end well. This is why you take time out and work on yourself for a while after divorce.

FWIW, DH’s wife left him, he waited 10 months and then signed up for online dating. He went on one date - with me. That was 12 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you notify your ex. This is important.

And please tread carefully and go slow with the new person. Your chances of success are low.

[Anonymous]

As someone who does not have kids but is dating a divorced dad, this is very interesting to me. I’ve met his kids several times, the first time several months ago. They know I’m his girlfriend. The other day he was musing that he wasn’t sure whether his ex was aware of me yet - he seems to figure the kids or a mutual friend might mention it. It doesn’t even seem to have crossed his mind to have told her first, or at all.

[Anonymous]

This is why dating on line is so treacherous. There is a low
barrier to entry. You can be married one day, the divorce
decree finalized, and then boom, be dating the next day
on line.

Generally it is recommended to take a year off from dating
after divorce finalized. It is healthy your boyfriend took
10 months off from dating before going on line.

I would say easily 60 - 70 percent of the men I met
on line were literally right out of relationships. According
to my guy friends they encountered the same with women.

Those dating on line should tread very carefully.

[Anonymous]

Send the text beforehand. There’s never an easy time to broach it, but a heads up is the decent route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met boyfriend right after divorce.
Think you're in love.
Think it's going to end well and you'll live happily ever after.

Rebound relationships never end well. This is why you take time out and work on yourself for a while after divorce.

FWIW, DH’s wife left him, he waited 10 months and then signed up for online dating. He went on one date - with me. That was 12 years ago.

Well, your DH did the right thing, he worked almost a year on himself before dating.