Newly Divorced -- Is it Okay to Reach out to Divorced Friends for a Social Assist?

[Anonymous]

I am newly divorced after a long marriage, not by choice, my ex left me. I have several single/divorced girlfriends who have been extremely supportive and positive, and include me on some social outings. But I really need to practice going out with guys, since I have not dated in mamy years. Is it okay to reach out to the single/divorced men I know and ask them to include me on group outings to bars or restaurants with their
single/divorced friends? Or does that sound desperate? How should I go about socializing with men again?

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to reach out but don’t say you’re doing it because they are guys.

[Anonymous]

DCs? How old?

[Anonymous]

Your approach feels desperate so I’d take things slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your approach feels desperate so I’d take things slow.

What approach do you suggest instead? The separation and divorce process took almost three years, during which time I made the family my priority. Absolutely no dating and very little socializing during that time.

[Anonymous]

Put up your profile on online dating sites

Don’t rely on divorced men for your social life as “friends”. They will get into relationships and there will be no pace for you. Male female friends and go online to date men

[Anonymous]

*no place for u in their lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put up your profile on online dating sites

Don’t rely on divorced men for your social life as “friends”. They will get into relationships and there will be no pace for you. Male female friends and go online to date men

But don't single/divorced men sometimes socialize in groups, just as single/divorced women do? It seems that it would be reasonable to put the information out there that I am currently single, and would appreciate being part of the mix when people are gathering a group to go out or planning a get-together. Clearly I have been out of the game for a while, that is why I am soliciting advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put up your profile on online dating sites

Don’t rely on divorced men for your social life as “friends”. They will get into relationships and there will be no pace for you. Male female friends and go online to date men

But don't single/divorced men sometimes socialize in groups, just as single/divorced women do? It seems that it would be reasonable to put the information out there that I am currently single, and would appreciate being part of the mix when people are gathering a group to go out or planning a get-together. Clearly I have been out of the game for a while, that is why I am soliciting advice.

Were you last single in your 20s? I’m telling you just put your profile online on several dating out and go out one on one with guys if your goal is to date.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely mention that you want to go out with them in order to put yourself out there and meet people. Very few people can go out by themselves and as you get older, fewer and fewer people socialize. ... so it's completely understandable.

Unless you're particularly close to them, don't mention that you want to meet THEIR friends. There's nothing wrong with that by the way, you just don't want things to be awkward.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I’m saying that partially because I know this divorced woman around your age who is “friends” with all these divorced guys. She seems to be using them to fill the hole in her life she feels because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. None of the guy’s girlfriends like her and she whines because they no longer want to hang out with her, especially alone, because they have girlfriends and they don’t want to disrespect their girlfriends. Rely on female friends for your platonic social life/friends, and go on dating apps to meet men. Don’t be the sad divorced woman who has lots of guy “friends”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I’m saying that partially because I know this divorced woman around your age who is “friends” with all these divorced guys. She seems to be using them to fill the hole in her life she feels because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. None of the guy’s girlfriends like her and she whines because they no longer want to hang out with her, especially alone, because they have girlfriends and they don’t want to disrespect their girlfriends. Rely on female friends for your platonic social life/friends, and go on dating apps to meet men. Don’t be the sad divorced woman who has lots of guy “friends”

I am an engineer, and my high school sweetheart and I divorced when we were in our early 20s. And while I have a lot of girlfriends, I went out with my coworkers quite a bit before I settled down. It's because they are the people I was around with most of the time and could make plans with. Especially for happy hour.

There's nothing sad about a divorced woman with a lot of guy friends. Sounds like jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Go out with people that you enjoy as people. Let them know that you’re looking to broaden your social circle. Period. Leave dating out of it. That will happen in tome as you put yourself out there and meet more people. Also join Bumble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put up your profile on online dating sites

Don’t rely on divorced men for your social life as “friends”. They will get into relationships and there will be no pace for you. Male female friends and go online to date men

But don't single/divorced men sometimes socialize in groups, just as single/divorced women do? It seems that it would be reasonable to put the information out there that I am currently single, and would appreciate being part of the mix when people are gathering a group to go out or planning a get-together. Clearly I have been out of the game for a while, that is why I am soliciting advice.

No, they don’t necessarily have a groups of single/divorced friends they hang out with. And to the extent he does, they will not want him bringing around a random divorced woman who’s just looking for someone to date. You’re basically asking to be set up with all of his friends at once.

I second pp’s suggestion of trying an online dating site. Keep your friends as friends, find dates elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I think you will do better avoiding “groups” of single people. In my experience they tend to attract those who need safety in numbers.

If your intention is to have lots of friends - join things like hiking groups meetups volunteer at festivals join a run club etc.

Find “friends” who share similar interests not just similar (and generally similarly temporary) partner status- if you want meaningful friendships. If you only bond over Singleton the group dies when not single.

If you want to DATE go online. I’m two years into the divorce but do date and have been really enjoying it! Good luck OP you can do this