Newly Divorced -- Is it Okay to Reach out to Divorced Friends for a Social Assist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had guy friends go on practice dates with me after my divorce. They were awesome and supportive. I would reach out and let them know you need some practice. Everyone likes a good dinner companion!

I think this is different than what OP initially asked. She wanted to tag along on guys night out as a way to practice. That seems like it could be awkward and not really be dating practice unless you are going on the Bachelorette. It also still wouldn’t solve the underlying issue of where to meet guys to date for real since she doesn’t want to do online dating. I think my first impression, until clarification posts, was that she was specifically interested in someone or wanted to be setup with someone in the group but was taking the plausible deniability route in case the guy wasn’t interested or it didn’t work out.

Going out one on one with on a practice date with different guy friends sounds like it could go either way. Curious were the friendships such that there was no sexual interest either side on no one caught the feels? Where did you meet guys for real dates? I’ll admit I’m a sucker for the romance book storyline of the guy help the woman get the attention of another guy by practice of some sort and then realize they are perfect for each other in the process but IRL don’t know that it really happens that often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had guy friends go on practice dates with me after my divorce. They were awesome and supportive. I would reach out and let them know you need some practice. Everyone likes a good dinner companion!

I think this is different than what OP initially asked. She wanted to tag along on guys night out as a way to practice. That seems like it could be awkward and not really be dating practice unless you are going on the Bachelorette. It also still wouldn’t solve the underlying issue of where to meet guys to date for real since she doesn’t want to do online dating. I think my first impression, until clarification posts, was that she was specifically interested in someone or wanted to be setup with someone in the group but was taking the plausible deniability route in case the guy wasn’t interested or it didn’t work out.

Going out one on one with on a practice date with different guy friends sounds like it could go either way. Curious were the friendships such that there was no sexual interest either side on no one caught the feels? Where did you meet guys for real dates? I’ll admit I’m a sucker for the romance book storyline of the guy help the woman get the attention of another guy by practice of some sort and then realize they are perfect for each other in the process but IRL don’t know that it really happens that often.

OP here to clarify. PP, you are very perceptive and good at reading between the lines.

Last year I attended a dinner party and two of the guests, recently married (second marriages for both) and around my age, explained that they had known each other for years through their children's activities. They had each always thought the other was an attractive person, but they were each happily and faithfully married to other people (so they claim, and I believe them). They lost touch for a while and then, the man told me, he divorced and heard through the grapevine that his new spouse was also now divorced. As fate would have it, they were reconnected through commitments to their children's school, and that was that.

So yes, I have met several men through the years of whom I have thought, "he's attractive, but I am married." Unbelievably, perhaps, I always honored the sanctity of my marriage vows and never considered straying. Thus I have not been with another man since I started dating my spouse decades ago. Now, older and newly divorced, I thought of those men I have found engaging or attractive in some way over the years, and decided to reach out only to those whom I know are single, divorced, or otherwise unattached (as far as I know) to let them know I am now divorced and would like to be included in their social outings.

The previous poster is correct, this gives me the plausible deniability of a group request. Safety in numbers. if they are similarly interested (i.e., they also thought I was an attractive person), perhaps that will provide an opening. If they are not personally interested in me, they will likely consider my outreach awkward and pathetic, but ultimately harmless. And perhaps they will think to include me socially and I will meet someone through those people I am already (however tenuously) connected to in some way.