Parents don’t want to FaceTime with their grandson

[Anonymous]

My parents and I live on opposite coasts. For a variety of reasons, my parents are no longer traveling. And for a variety of reasons, my family won’t be out to see them until at least 2021.

My parents call weekly and talk for about 45 minutes about what’s going on. Yesterday, my son woke up from his nap, and I asked if they wanted to FaceTime with him. Answer, “nope!” (They also are frustrated when my son is making a lot of noise and I can’t concentrate on talking to them. But to be fair, he’s two, and I don’t think it’s realistic to expect I’ll have 45 minutes of totally free time on a weekend.)

Anyway, I’m just so frustrated by their attitude. I think they just aren’t baby people (maybe?), but by the time he gets interesting, they’ll likely be deceased.

Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

There's a big difference between a phonecall, and facetime. The latter requires me to put on a bra and pants at home, and be somewhat presentable. Sometimes that just too much work, especially if it's a spontaneous or imminent facetime (not scheduled).

[Anonymous]

My mom hates FaceTime, she's just not comfortable with it. Do your parents FaceTime with you or others frequently?

[Anonymous]

One set of our parents facetimes successfully with my toddlers. They play games like peekaboo, show off their dog (the dog waves and pretends to talk) and sings songs like the "itsty bitsy spider".

The other set just wants to talk to us while the kids play. That does not work. Kids are upset I'm not playing with them, cranky and often run out of the room. I can't focus effectively on either and it's a big fail. I also think it's creepy to have the ipad just watching them play like Big Brother. They act like my kids don't understand them and are just objects, when even the 1 year old understands.

[Anonymous]

So give your son the phone for 2 minutes to “talk” with the GPs.

Does your son understand FaceTime? Do your parents? Have they ever met him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and I live on opposite coasts. For a variety of reasons, my parents are no longer traveling. And for a variety of reasons, my family won’t be out to see them until at least 2021.

My parents call weekly and talk for about 45 minutes about what’s going on. Yesterday, my son woke up from his nap, and I asked if they wanted to FaceTime with him. Answer, “nope!” (They also are frustrated when my son is making a lot of noise and I can’t concentrate on talking to them. But to be fair, he’s two, and I don’t think it’s realistic to expect I’ll have 45 minutes of totally free time on a weekend.)

Anyway, I’m just so frustrated by their attitude. I think they just aren’t baby people (maybe?), but by the time he gets interesting, they’ll likely be deceased.

Any ideas?

I mean, their loss, right? Work on your son's relationship with your spouses parents. If his feelings are hurt you could try making short videos of him telling them things and sending those.

It's probably nothing you are doing, but I will say my sister use to do this thing where she would call me and then spend the whole time talking to her daughter in a baby voice and repeating everything her daughter said back to me, also in a baby voice. That's fine for 2 minutes, but it would literally last the whole 30-40 minute phone call and she would ignore me when I would try to wrap it up. It was super annoying and I stopped taking her calls. Then she started suggesting face time, and I told her I didn't like it. The truth was I just didn't like talking to my sister and niece because it was soooooo long and pretty boring. And I love babies and kids.

[Anonymous]

That’s weird. How hard is it to FaceTime for a minute and see each other and say hi? Guess you just have to send them pictures or videos and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and I live on opposite coasts. For a variety of reasons, my parents are no longer traveling. And for a variety of reasons, my family won’t be out to see them until at least 2021.

My parents call weekly and talk for about 45 minutes about what’s going on. Yesterday, my son woke up from his nap, and I asked if they wanted to FaceTime with him. Answer, “nope!” (They also are frustrated when my son is making a lot of noise and I can’t concentrate on talking to them. But to be fair, he’s two, and I don’t think it’s realistic to expect I’ll have 45 minutes of totally free time on a weekend.)

Anyway, I’m just so frustrated by their attitude. I think they just aren’t baby people (maybe?), but by the time he gets interesting, they’ll likely be deceased.

Any ideas?

I mean, their loss, right? Work on your son's relationship with your spouses parents. If his feelings are hurt you could try making short videos of him telling them things and sending those.

It's probably nothing you are doing, but I will say my sister use to do this thing where she would call me and then spend the whole time talking to her daughter in a baby voice and repeating everything her daughter said back to me, also in a baby voice. That's fine for 2 minutes, but it would literally last the whole 30-40 minute phone call and she would ignore me when I would try to wrap it up. It was super annoying and I stopped taking her calls. Then she started suggesting face time, and I told her I didn't like it. The truth was I just didn't like talking to my sister and niece because it was soooooo long and pretty boring. And I love babies and kids.

Except my parents are boring me with 45 minutes of movies they saw and restaurant dinners they ate, etc. I talk to them because they are my parents, and I love them, and I think it’s my duty to listen (because it’s only once a week).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So give your son the phone for 2 minutes to “talk” with the GPs.

Does your son understand FaceTime? Do your parents? Have they ever met him?

My parents used to FaceTime me before the kid was born. My parents have met my son three times. And my son successfully FaceTimes with my in-laws once a week for about 10 minutes (basically, they say hi, watch him play while we chat, and then son say bye and gives kisses).

[Anonymous]

I'm 42 and I refuse to facetime. It's ridiculous and a horrible way to communicate. Just send pictures of your kid to them. Show your kid pictures of your parents if you feel like it. Don't force anyone to use Facetime!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 42 and I refuse to facetime. It's ridiculous and a horrible way to communicate. Just send pictures of your kid to them. Show your kid pictures of your parents if you feel like it. Don't force anyone to use Facetime!

Well with under 3 year olds, it's easier. The kids like to see people to understand. What I can't STAND is when people want to facetime my kids by looking at them but talking with me. Just no. That's just ignoring my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 42 and I refuse to facetime. It's ridiculous and a horrible way to communicate. Just send pictures of your kid to them. Show your kid pictures of your parents if you feel like it. Don't force anyone to use Facetime!

Of course it's not a replacement for in-person communication, but I actually think it's a wonderful way to have as much connection as you can with someone who's not in the same room as you. DD is 3 and loves facetiming with her grandparents who live across the country. We do it every Sunday night. We set up the iPad and she talks to them while she eats dinner. She loves telling them what's going on with her and showing them whatever her obsession is that week (this time it was her stuffed zebra and her new shoes).

It's really nothing as awful as you're making it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 42 and I refuse to facetime. It's ridiculous and a horrible way to communicate. Just send pictures of your kid to them. Show your kid pictures of your parents if you feel like it. Don't force anyone to use Facetime!

I’m in this camp 100%. I’m not a fan of “talking” with toddlers on the phone either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 42 and I refuse to facetime. It's ridiculous and a horrible way to communicate. Just send pictures of your kid to them. Show your kid pictures of your parents if you feel like it. Don't force anyone to use Facetime!

Of course it's not a replacement for in-person communication, but I actually think it's a wonderful way to have as much connection as you can with someone who's not in the same room as you. DD is 3 and loves facetiming with her grandparents who live across the country. We do it every Sunday night. We set up the iPad and she talks to them while she eats dinner. She loves telling them what's going on with her and showing them whatever her obsession is that week (this time it was her stuffed zebra and her new shoes).

It's really nothing as awful as you're making it out to be.

This sounds excruciatingly painful for the person on the other end of the line. They’re humoring you. Trust me, they aren’t enjoying it as much as you think they are.

[Anonymous]

I mean a quick wave hello would be nice, but otherwise FaceTiming (and talking in the phone, for that matter) with toddlers is super awkward and I don’t blame them.