Parents of teens-what (if anything)would you have done different during the elementary school years?

[Anonymous]

Anything? Been stricter? More relaxed? Emphasized academics more? Gone on more vacations? Done more or less activities? Any regrets? Anything you did well that you are happy you did?

[Anonymous]

No phones after 10pm. Keep phone charging in the kitchen at night.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes regret not pushing a little harder on sports. My kids weren't interested, we both work full time in DC, and the team practices tended to be immediately after school (they were in SACC until 6 pm), so it was very easy to not bother with it. We put them both in Saturday martial arts, but sometimes I wish we had figured out a way to given them more opportunities.

Also, knowing what I know now, I would have started my strings player on private lessons as soon as he picked up his instrument in 5th grade.

[Anonymous]

Limit screen time and hold off as long as possible on giving your kids their own devices of any kind. No ipads, no phones until late middle school, at least. (And I hope it goes without saying that there should be no TVs in their bedrooms.)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have worried about elementary school *at all*
It took me years to figure out to push back on homework. I would have done that a lot sooner if I had it to do over.
I would have started private lessons in her sport a lot earlier. Now a senior in HS and still playing and loving it.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid who it's now clear has some learning challenges but they are mild enough that he muddled through ES as an average student. In retrospect, I would have had him tested earlier (I finally did it after 7th grade). Public schools are not going to tell you your kid has a problem (in fact my kids' fourth grade teacher said "DS does not have a learning difference" when I suggested there could be an underlying issue causing him not to work as independently as was expected) She was wrong. Trust your instinct, if you think something is just a little off. . . it probably is. The information you can learn from a full evaluation can be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Made them do more chores with increasing responsibility as they got older.

[Anonymous]

Just sent my oldest to college, so this is a great time to reflect:
1. No phones until middle school. No electronics in room (tablets, computers, etc.)--they would get up in the middle of the night and play.
2. Adhere to a schedule of chores that must be done every day/every week.
3. Lessen the number of times I swooped in to "save" them from a bad grade or missed assignment. A C or D on their elementary school report card is worth the lesson learned about responsibility and consequences.
4. Invited other kids over more often. I'm an introvert, and so is my kid, so this was really hard for us. But I wish I had made more effort to make our house a more welcoming one for kids to drop in on a casual basis.
5. Started a musical instrument early, and been stricter about practice.
6. Started a foreign language very early, either in a formal setting (if not school, some language class) or an informal way like videos, so that they could develop true proficiency.
7. Done more family game or activity nights. We did do this fairly regularly, but they are the things I miss most now.
8. Lived our faith at home, with prayers, talking about God, etc. We were lazy about this, and now our children are casual churchgoers at best.
9. Only volunteered at school for activities that I was either really interested in or that directly served my kid. I wasted too many hours on PTA meetings and fundraisers, when I was happiest working in the library or chaperoning field trips.
10. Been less embarrassed and anxious about bad or unusual behavior. All kids are a little odd at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid who it's now clear has some learning challenges but they are mild enough that he muddled through ES as an average student. In retrospect, I would have had him tested earlier (I finally did it after 7th grade). Public schools are not going to tell you your kid has a problem (in fact my kids' fourth grade teacher said "DS does not have a learning difference" when I suggested there could be an underlying issue causing him not to work as independently as was expected) She was wrong. Trust your instinct, if you think something is just a little off. . . it probably is. The information you can learn from a full evaluation can be helpful.

This. Teachers are poorly trained or many can't put in the effort to identify learning challenges.

Looking back, DD struggled greatly with executive functioning. I remember conferences in 4th and 5th grade and me talking about her struggles and given the shrugged shoulders from her teachers as she got good grades. She was tested in 6th grade (low quality report) and 8th grade when she was spending 4-6 hours on homework every night.

[Anonymous]

Hell, I don't know, OP.

I can should've/could've/would've, but honestly, if there was something I could have done differently, I'm sure I would have. I'm just trying my best. He turned out OK.

[Anonymous]

I did okay with the basics...no smart phones until middle school and only with straight As - no devices in room past 9pm - no social media. Kids all play sports and are healthy and happy. They all love to read and do well in school. I did not care about homework in elementary school at all but I expect good grades from them now. Because they are capable of it. I don't push elite sports, hyper competitive anything - including college. They are all doing well in middle/high school and are happy.

What I learned along the way:
- Read and keep all electronics away as long as possible including TV. Do not let your kid play on a device anytime they are bored and you want them entertained unless it is an important situation.
- Don't stress too much about friends/being popular. Not that I really cared but the popular kids seem to have so much more pressure on them. Like my middle of the road kids.
- Listen to them...anytime I pushed too hard...disaster. Push some.

What I wished I had done: more art!! Music. Something. Life was busy and that is what didn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Wow!! Not the OP, but I have two teens/tweens. The consensus seems to be holding off on phones or limiting screen time. My kids have no phones. But now with all the homework on computer, I have the hardest time monitoring their screen time. They are in front of the computers for "homework" a few hours every evening. How to make sure that they are not watching inappropriate things on youtube or playing video games?

[Anonymous]

Those with younger kids, please note that it was a lot easier to keep screens away from kids who are now in their late teens/college aged.

My daughter's first couple of phones were just basic phones that didn't even have a texting keyboard - no kids had smartphones. My son (now 18) got a smartphone in 7th grade, but MS kids weren't trying to get on Snapchat or Instagram. Things have changed dramatically and now I see 9 year olds with the latest iPhone.

I would still wait until middle school, but when I hear parents say there will be no phone at all until 16, I just don't think it's realistic.

[Anonymous]

Yess 10:58 this is my question too! They interact with their friends doing the online games because there aren't many kids in my neighborhood too. I figure it's not so bad if homework and friend interaction are the end results?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those with younger kids, please note that it was a lot easier to keep screens away from kids who are now in their late teens/college aged.

My daughter's first couple of phones were just basic phones that didn't even have a texting keyboard - no kids had smartphones. My son (now 18) got a smartphone in 7th grade, but MS kids weren't trying to get on Snapchat or Instagram. Things have changed dramatically and now I see 9 year olds with the latest iPhone.

I would still wait until middle school, but when I hear parents say there will be no phone at all until 16, I just don't think it's realistic.

It will be the reality for my kids and many of my friends' kids. They and their social lives will survive.