Parents of teens-what (if anything)would you have done different during the elementary school years?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have stressed quietly about having my kids in gen ed instead of AAP, which in hindsight is the biggest grade school sham ever! My kids are in high school and rocking AP courses. It all evened out in middle school.

Grade school grades do not matter, no college or employer will ever see them. Teach your kids to love learning life long for learning's sake. Let them make mistakes so they learn when the stakes are so low. Education is a marathon not a sprint. You don't want to push them so hard they burn out by high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have stressed quietly about having my kids in gen ed instead of AAP, which in hindsight is the biggest grade school sham ever! My kids are in high school and rocking AP courses. It all evened out in middle school.

Grade school grades do not matter, no college or employer will ever see them. Teach your kids to love learning life long for learning's sake. Let them make mistakes so they learn when the stakes are so low. Education is a marathon not a sprint. You don't want to push them so hard they burn out by high school.

Agree. AAP is such a joke.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 22 and 19.

If I could turn the clock back, I would:

*have no phones at all until high school
*go outdoors more
*go on more vacations
*park my own phone and iPad somewhere inaccessible while at home and focus on my kids more
*have more vegetarian dinners

and

Enjoy my kids more.

[Anonymous]

My only big "should've" is I should have pushed for an ADHD evaluation for DS in elementary school. I did raise the issue with the school in 2nd-3rd grade but the teacher and school counselor, after classroom observation, told us their opinion was that he was just young for his grade and very outgoing so we let it go. Got no feedback on school behavior in MS but spent those years struggling with homework issues and impulsive behavior that I never linked to ADD. All came to ahead freshman year and was diagnosed at that point and life is so much better now. I feel bad that he spent years feeling like the "bad kid" at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those with younger kids, please note that it was a lot easier to keep screens away from kids who are now in their late teens/college aged.

My daughter's first couple of phones were just basic phones that didn't even have a texting keyboard - no kids had smartphones. My son (now 18) got a smartphone in 7th grade, but MS kids weren't trying to get on Snapchat or Instagram. Things have changed dramatically and now I see 9 year olds with the latest iPhone.

I would still wait until middle school, but when I hear parents say there will be no phone at all until 16, I just don't think it's realistic.

It will be the reality for my kids and many of my friends' kids. They and their social lives will survive.

It's not about social lives but school communication. Starting in freshman year (and in some cases in middle school) a lot of school and activity communication is happening via apps/text.

My kids got their phones in 6th grade, but heavily locked down with no social media. Gradually loosened the reins on that, although freshman DD still chooses not to use social media and just texts with her small group of friends. I'm very happy about that as social media seems particularly destructive for girls.

[Anonymous]

started earlier on helping with the development of good habits for math class.

quit travel soccer earlier and replaced it with something more fun and less pressure.

[Anonymous]

would have sent my kid to the neighborhood elementary instead of private. no idea if academics were actually any better and even if they were we missed having friends in the neighborhood which ay have been more important

[Anonymous]

Been richer? DD and I were really super poor when she was in elementary school. It'd have been nice if she hadn't have had to be the only white kid getting free breakfast (she refused to go because of that). It'd have been nice if I hadn't stressed trying to find enough coins to pay for the train to get us to school. It would have been nice if I could have afforded to live somewhere safer and then we could have reciprocated play dates.

[Anonymous]

- I would have engaged with him as a small human, not a kid. Now that he's a teenager and I'm starting to really understand the depth of his mind I wish I'd paid more attention sooner. He's a really cool human.

- I would have been more patient with him. Would have cared less about spills and stains and grades and activities. Yes, kids need expectations, structure, and direction, but life is messy and as much as you try to control it/them, you can't.

- I wish I'd set up the expectation of learning after school, even if he didn't have homework, every day. He was always very smart, didn't need to study and often finished his work before he got home. Now that he's in high school he 'should' be working or studying every day but does not have good work habits.

- I would have moved to a neighborhood with kids sooner. When he was little we were in an urban area where every interaction with another kid was planned because there was no one around for him to just 'find' to play with. When we moved to more of a neighborhood with kids he had the freedom to fall out the door and play. Big difference in social and creative development and confidence.

[Anonymous]

Looking back ... I wish we had:

*spent more time in the outdoors camping, hiking, etc
* less of a carbon footprint. My kids had so many toys that were hardly played with and those diapers!!!
* spent more time cooking together and working on arts and crafts
* given them more opportunities to be independent and make their own choices

But we did read many books, travel a lot, visit family, go to the beach, grow a vegetable garden, raise dogs, see live theater, play plenty of sports etc. so we’ve had a nice life and my kids have had a blessed childhood. Maybe you just can’t do everything ....

[Anonymous]

I wish that we had gotten them involved in baseball earlier than we did. I think that is my one true regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish that we had gotten them involved in baseball earlier than we did. I think that is my one true regret.

How early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid who it's now clear has some learning challenges but they are mild enough that he muddled through ES as an average student. In retrospect, I would have had him tested earlier (I finally did it after 7th grade). Public schools are not going to tell you your kid has a problem (in fact my kids' fourth grade teacher said "DS does not have a learning difference" when I suggested there could be an underlying issue causing him not to work as independently as was expected) She was wrong. Trust your instinct, if you think something is just a little off. . . it probably is. The information you can learn from a full evaluation can be helpful.

Yes 1000% to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 22 and 19.

If I could turn the clock back, I would:

*have no phones at all until high school
*go outdoors more
*go on more vacations
*park my own phone and iPad somewhere inaccessible while at home and focus on my kids more
*have more vegetarian dinners

and

Enjoy my kids more.

well, if you'd done that, you'd have had plenty of time to enjoy them (although they'd be grumpy) because they'd have no friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes regret not pushing a little harder on sports. My kids weren't interested, we both work full time in DC, and the team practices tended to be immediately after school (they were in SACC until 6 pm), so it was very easy to not bother with it. We put them both in Saturday martial arts, but sometimes I wish we had figured out a way to given them more opportunities.

Also, knowing what I know now, I would have started my strings player on private lessons as soon as he picked up his instrument in 5th grade.

+1 not necessarily team sports but some kind of physical activity. And also force them to learn my parents' language. MSer took three years of Spanish, and likes it that DC can speak another language (albeit not proficiently), and regrets not learning my parents' native language. I offered, but DC pushed back,and I didn't want to force it. Now we all regret it.