Parents of teens-what (if anything)would you have done different during the elementary school years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 22 and 19.

If I could turn the clock back, I would:

*have no phones at all until high school
*go outdoors more
*go on more vacations
*park my own phone and iPad somewhere inaccessible while at home and focus on my kids more
*have more vegetarian dinners

and

Enjoy my kids more.

well, if you'd done that, you'd have had plenty of time to enjoy them (although they'd be grumpy) because they'd have no friends.

Many of us disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which daily chores would you have emphasized?

House cleaning, doing their own laundry, cleaning bathrooms, taking care of the pets every single day, cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, major household chores such as cleaning out the garage occasionally.

[Anonymous]

Homeschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 22 and 19.

If I could turn the clock back, I would:

*have no phones at all until high school
*go outdoors more
*go on more vacations
*park my own phone and iPad somewhere inaccessible while at home and focus on my kids more
*have more vegetarian dinners

and

Enjoy my kids more.

well, if you'd done that, you'd have had plenty of time to enjoy them (although they'd be grumpy) because they'd have no friends.

Many of us disagree with you.

This is just one anecdote, but my 8th has a friend who was the only kid to not have a phone of their group and not allowed to use video games (and I can't think of any other kids who didn't have one at that age with my older kids). Well, the kid moved this summer, so my DS told me that he complained about his parents every time they were together and apparently has secret accounts, which an older sibling helped him set up (I don't know if that child was limited too). He missed out every time they played online video games and their group facetime calls. He also missed out on outings on the weekend arranged by phone. I would much rather know my kid has an account that I can check in to from time to time that have them sneak around behind my back. Not all kids will do that, but he's a very sweet kid who apparently is doing just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 22 and 19.

If I could turn the clock back, I would:

*have no phones at all until high school
*go outdoors more
*go on more vacations
*park my own phone and iPad somewhere inaccessible while at home and focus on my kids more
*have more vegetarian dinners

and

Enjoy my kids more.

well, if you'd done that, you'd have had plenty of time to enjoy them (although they'd be grumpy) because they'd have no friends.

Many of us disagree with you.

This is just one anecdote, but my 8th has a friend who was the only kid to not have a phone of their group and not allowed to use video games (and I can't think of any other kids who didn't have one at that age with my older kids). Well, the kid moved this summer, so my DS told me that he complained about his parents every time they were together and apparently has secret accounts, which an older sibling helped him set up (I don't know if that child was limited too). He missed out every time they played online video games and their group facetime calls. He also missed out on outings on the weekend arranged by phone. I would much rather know my kid has an account that I can check in to from time to time that have them sneak around behind my back. Not all kids will do that, but he's a very sweet kid who apparently is doing just that.

I caught my very sweet kid looking at pornography in 4th grade. No more phone, no more un-supervised ipad. He can play video games, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish that we had gotten them involved in baseball earlier than we did. I think that is my one true regret.

how early?

Probably by 4th grade.

[Anonymous]

Picked a couple of sports or activities and just stuck with them all through the years

I let my child jump around to a lot of things and it was really a scheduling headache and tbh she never really developed anything beyond very basic beginner skills Now that she is a teen most kids have developed some level of skill in something - a sport, dance, music - and since she never built up any skill at anything she is reluctant to try now and I can't really blame her.

[Anonymous]

Not worried so much about being "that mom"

I realized far too late there were plenty of moms being "that mom" and in doing so they ended up having a lot of situations go there way and people really didn't care as much as I imagined they would. Yeah people might gossip about them but they still hung out with "those moms" and the teachers, coaches, and admins were nice to them as well. I also realized that being 'that mom" let teachers, coaches, admins know that you were picky and paying attention and that in turn made them picky and pay attention and that's not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picked a couple of sports or activities and just stuck with them all through the years

I let my child jump around to a lot of things and it was really a scheduling headache and tbh she never really developed anything beyond very basic beginner skills Now that she is a teen most kids have developed some level of skill in something - a sport, dance, music - and since she never built up any skill at anything she is reluctant to try now and I can't really blame her.

But not all kids do sports or dance...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t have worried about elementary school *at all*
It took me years to figure out to push back on homework. I would have done that a lot sooner if I had it to do over.
I would have started private lessons in her sport a lot earlier. Now a senior in HS and still playing and loving it.

What age did you start private’s, and what age do you wish you had started?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sent my oldest to college, so this is a great time to reflect:
1. No phones until middle school. No electronics in room (tablets, computers, etc.)--they would get up in the middle of the night and play.
2. Adhere to a schedule of chores that must be done every day/every week.
3. Lessen the number of times I swooped in to "save" them from a bad grade or missed assignment. A C or D on their elementary school report card is worth the lesson learned about responsibility and consequences.
4. Invited other kids over more often. I'm an introvert, and so is my kid, so this was really hard for us. But I wish I had made more effort to make our house a more welcoming one for kids to drop in on a casual basis.
5. Started a musical instrument early, and been stricter about practice.
6. Started a foreign language very early, either in a formal setting (if not school, some language class) or an informal way like videos, so that they could develop true proficiency.
7. Done more family game or activity nights. We did do this fairly regularly, but they are the things I miss most now.
8. Lived our faith at home, with prayers, talking about God, etc. We were lazy about this, and now our children are casual churchgoers at best.
9. Only volunteered at school for activities that I was either really interested in or that directly served my kid. I wasted too many hours on PTA meetings and fundraisers, when I was happiest working in the library or chaperoning field trips.
10. Been less embarrassed and anxious about bad or unusual behavior. All kids are a little odd at times.

#10 was super helpful to hear today. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

More chores earlier and strongly encourage sports, despite my kids lack of interest. DS is now interested in doing sports but starting a sport in high school is harder as a lot of teams you need to tryout.

[Anonymous]

I love this thread! Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid who it's now clear has some learning challenges but they are mild enough that he muddled through ES as an average student. In retrospect, I would have had him tested earlier (I finally did it after 7th grade). Public schools are not going to tell you your kid has a problem (in fact my kids' fourth grade teacher said "DS does not have a learning difference" when I suggested there could be an underlying issue causing him not to work as independently as was expected) She was wrong. Trust your instinct, if you think something is just a little off. . . it probably is. The information you can learn from a full evaluation can be helpful.

This. Teachers are poorly trained or many can't put in the effort to identify learning challenges.

Looking back, DD struggled greatly with executive functioning. I remember conferences in 4th and 5th grade and me talking about her struggles and given the shrugged shoulders from her teachers as she got good grades. She was tested in 6th grade (low quality report) and 8th grade when she was spending 4-6 hours on homework every night.

We aren’t diagnosticians or doctors and we can get in serious legal jeopardy including losing our license if we attempt to tell a parent their kid has XYZ learning disability or medical issue and should treat. Please don’t call us poorly trained for following the boundaries of our job and the law. We often know when kids have something going in but we can’t just tell the parent “your kid has ADHD, medicate him.”

[Anonymous]

This doesn't really apply to ES, but in MS I would have encouraged my DD to do band, so that she could do marching band in HS. It's a great social activity for the kids who would otherwise not be doing sports.