Reassuring DD about inevitable scar after surgery
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Anonymous
My 10-year-old needs surgery on the outside of her upper arm, and the doctor has emphasized that there's going to be a "much bigger than you'd think and possibly thick" permanent scar.  She is pretty upset about this. Has anyone btdt with their child and something like this, and can you share what made them feel better? I keep telling her that between looks and use, it's more important to have full and comfortable use of her arm, and she intellectually agrees but she's pretty bummed. She understands that the surgery isn't that bad and that her situation could be worse, but she's only 10 and she's sad and crying about it. Part of it is, I'm sure, being scared of the surgery, but most of her emotions are focused on the scar. Thanks for any advice.
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Anonymous
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Is scar correction an option?
My kids have two pretty serious surgical scars. We talked them up as being bad ass and the mark of a survivor. |
Anonymous
| One of my kids has some pretty significant scarring due to self mutilation. Weve been seeing a dermatologist and have gotten some good results with scar reduction with medication. They also offer injections, which mine declined. So maybe you could try that. But don’t wait too long - time is not your friend with this sort of thing. Also remember sunscreen and avoiding sun at all costs for like a year. |
Anonymous
| Tell her to stay out of the sun leading up to and following the surgery. Use Vitamin E oil and Maderma and all that scar reduction crap. It works. |
Anonymous
| Thanks, PPs. (And I'm sorry for what your kids went through.) The doctor said that the scar will be permanent and there's nothing that can really be done about it afterward or down the road. I will definitely add the "bad ass/survivor" view to our conversation! |
Anonymous
He sounds like a real peach. Is getting a plastic surgeon involved an option? And while it may always be there, I will echo the other PP - staying out of the sun and religiously using Maderma and Vitamin E for a long time does help. |
Anonymous
Thank you so much for these tips. I'm going to wait to schedule the surgery until pool season is over and it's time to wear sleeves again, and I'll get the topical stuff. Maybe if I talk to her about how she can help put them on afterwards, she'll feel more encouraged and empowered? |
Anonymous
| I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome as do my children. We get stretch marks all over our body and lots of keyloided scarring. Those who have this condition just say we are "zebras" and that's the end of it. I've used that with my kids and that helped them accept the condition. |
Anonymous
He's a pediatric dermatologist who deals with vascular malformations, and he was sympathetic but direct, so I assumed he was telling it straight and not sugarcoating.
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Anonymous
For telling the truth? What exactly do you expect him to do? |
Anonymous
I would like him to recognize he's talking to a 10 yo, and act accordingly. Which it doesn't sound like he did. |
Anonymous
| If she has an imagination, allow her to make up fun/funny stories about how she got the scar. Shark attack. Alligator feeding. |
Anonymous
It is my understanding, and I may be wrong, that having a plastic surgeon there to perform the incision and closing - not the actual surgery - can help with scaring. |
Anonymous
Sounds like he did. |
Anonymous
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This may or may not be useful and appropriate for your daughter, but it can be good to see role models who are out there doing their thing and being happy about it.
For example, the incomparable Padma Lakshmi, who has a 7 inch scar from elbow to shoulder that she now dresses to highlight, not hide. 
Why Padma Lakshmi Isn't Afraid to Show Her Scars Anymore https://www.self.com/story/why-padma-lakshmi-isnt-afraid-to-show-her-scars-anymore Padma Lakshmi Won't Hide Her Scar from Cameras https://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/padma-lakshmi-wont-hide-her-scar-from-cameras Padma Lakshmi Loves her Scar (video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCLg0ChDsGA |