Reassuring DD about inevitable scar after surgery

[Anonymous]

My dad always used to say it was the imperfection that made some people truly beautiful. “Too perfect” is often bland. I remember him saying that about Lauren Hurtin’s Gap tooth.

Tina Fey has that large scar on her face/cheek. It hasn’t hindered her.

[Anonymous]

OP. Thanks so much for all the good advice and suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Maybe laser scar removal?
https://www.skinlaser.com/about-us/dr-tina-alster/

[Anonymous]

Will she need physical therapy post surgery?

My daughter had surgery last year on her arm due to a break and it required physical therapy post surgery. The PT's massaged the scar as part of the therapy. It made a huge difference, there's no hard, scar tissue. I had no idea this is something you are supposed to do.

Make sure she keeps it covered or uses sunscreen for at least the first year.

[Anonymous]

Your doctor needs some better bedside manner.

On top of that, the surgeon should've emphasized there are ways to minimize it including getting a plastic surgeon on board, sun tan lotion it daily (even in the winter, Maderma, and time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your doctor needs some better bedside manner.

On top of that, the surgeon should've emphasized there are ways to minimize it including getting a plastic surgeon on board, sun tan lotion it daily (even in the winter, Maderma, and time.

+1

Get a plastic surgeon to close the incision.

[Anonymous]

I would get a second opinion from another surgeon. Not because a scar is a terrible thing but because the way you're describing it, he's not making any efforts to mitigate the results. My sibling had surgery on his shoulder and the scar looks horrendous 25 years later. It's a place where the skin doesn't heal well. He had other surgery nearby, done by a plastic surgeon, and it's beautiful and you'd hardly tell there's a scar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get a second opinion from another surgeon. Not because a scar is a terrible thing but because the way you're describing it, he's not making any efforts to mitigate the results. My sibling had surgery on his shoulder and the scar looks horrendous 25 years later. It's a place where the skin doesn't heal well. He had other surgery nearby, done by a plastic surgeon, and it's beautiful and you'd hardly tell there's a scar.

There's huge variability in results, is what I mean, and it sounds like he's not invested in making the incision look good at all, or that's something he's not good at. I would try other surgeons and see what they say. Your daughter may feel better if she knows that her health care provider is taking her concerns seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs. (And I'm sorry for what your kids went through.) The doctor said that the scar will be permanent and there's nothing that can really be done about it afterward or down the road. I will definitely add the "bad ass/survivor" view to our conversation!

He sounds like a real peach. Is getting a plastic surgeon involved an option?

And while it may always be there, I will echo the other PP - staying out of the sun and religiously using Maderma and Vitamin E for a long time does help.

He's a pediatric dermatologist who deals with vascular malformations, and he was sympathetic but direct, so I assumed he was telling it straight and not sugarcoating.

It is my understanding, and I may be wrong, that having a plastic surgeon there to perform the incision and closing - not the actual surgery - can help with scaring.

Yes! I had an accident as a teenager that split my face, barely missing my eye. Luckily for me they had a plastic surgeon stitch me up. Once the area healed you could barely see it. Now that I’m over 40 I have faint laugh lines and you can see the scar where they intersect, but barely the rest of it. Good luck to your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Kylie Jenner has a large scar on her leg from a car accident and regularly shows it off.

[Anonymous]

My son had a compound fracture of his wrist and needed surgery that left a long, thick scar nearly the length of his forearm. The first year it was very red and raised and essentially impossible to miss. Every time I looked at him I flinched (not because it looked bad but because I could remember the image of his bone sticking out of his arm!) Two years later it has faded significantly - the scar itself is still there but you'd barely notice it.

[Anonymous]

I had open heart surgery as a child and have a scar from that. It's been decades now and I really don't ever think about it.
When I was wedding dress shopping, one of the dresses I tried on happen to have a high neckline. The sales lady said - totally unprompted - "and it's great because it hides your scar!"
WTF. My mom and I both glared at her, and I assured her that hiding or not hiding my scar was completely irrelevant to my choice of dress. Needless to say we didn't buy a dress from that store.
All of which is to say... pretty soon her scar will just be part of her, and she'll hardly ever think about it.

[Anonymous]

I know someone that just had arm surgery with some vague similarities to what the OP described. She has a very long scar over most of her arm.

A couple things to keep in mind. You and your daughter don't know how the incision will heal. It might just look like a narrow, linear scar that will fade over time. It will start out pretty red, but it will fade. Scar gel pads can help a bit.

If, for whatever reason, the scar doesn't very good, there may be surgical options. I'm not sure why the doctor is already suggesting there aren't. A fairly common, albeit moderately invasive, is to basically cut out the scar and sew it up again. Obviously there will still be a scar there, but it might be a better looking scar.

A scar on an arm or leg isn't that big of deal. The nature of the skin and muscles there means it will probably heal and look better than, say, an abdomen scar. Plenty of athletes end up with scars on their arms and legs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs. (And I'm sorry for what your kids went through.) The doctor said that the scar will be permanent and there's nothing that can really be done about it afterward or down the road. I will definitely add the "bad ass/survivor" view to our conversation!

He sounds like a real peach. Is getting a plastic surgeon involved an option?

And while it may always be there, I will echo the other PP - staying out of the sun and religiously using Maderma and Vitamin E for a long time does help.

He's a pediatric dermatologist who deals with vascular malformations, and he was sympathetic but direct, so I assumed he was telling it straight and not sugarcoating.

It is my understanding, and I may be wrong, that having a plastic surgeon there to perform the incision and closing - not the actual surgery - can help with scaring.

They don't do that in the real-world.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a huge scar that runs down the middle of my upper leg. I was very, very sad when I saw it post-surgery. I was in my early 20s when I got it and would run to wrap myself in a sarong when I got out of the pool. Now I don't see it ugly, it is just a feature of my body. It's my little souvenir from a mishap and we've been through many summers together. All of this to say, I am sure your daughter is upset now. But like all things, it will pass. Of course this wouldn't help your DD feel better, but I hope it helps you. I'm glad I got to keep skiing in my life in exchange for a scar. No biggie.