How to nicely communicate that we don't want anyone at the hospital for the delivery?
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Anonymous
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I'm my parents only daughter and they (well esp my mom) is expecting to be at the hospital for the birth of my first child. My parents have a very dysfunctional relationship and most of the time aren't really talking to each other and generally it's very awkward to be around them together (unfortunately they are still married). My mom stresses about everything and always finds a way to make nearly every situation about herself, which often is a result of her comparing the current situation to a situation in her own life where she was wronged. It's exhausting. She also has already expressed that she thinks that me, my DH and new baby should come stay at her house immediately following my discharge. I nipped that at the bud.
I really just want it to be myself and my DH. I have about 5 months to go, so awhile, but wondering if I should bring this up now, or wait for her to bring it up. She is going to be upset, but honestly, I don't care. This is probably my only baby and I want to feel relaxed and comfortable (as much as possible) and not have to worry about how my parents are interacting or if my mom is going to make an asinine comment. |
Anonymous
| Call them after the baby arrives, not when you're in labor. |
Anonymous
+100 |
Anonymous
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Ignore it for now. It’s a long way off.
When you go into labor, “forget” to call them. |
Anonymous
This is the one and only answer. Turn off both of your phones on the way to the hospital. |
Anonymous
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If you think she's going to argue with you about it (especially repeatedly), then I would wait to bring it up. Once you do, just say you don't want anyone but your DH there, but she will be the first to get a picture and she can visit the next day.
If she is a jerk about it just don't tell her when you go into labor. |
Anonymous
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If you trust her not to just show up at the hospital, just tell her you'll call her when you go to the hospital & when the baby is born, and then she is welcome for a short visit that day (assuming all goes well). Longer visits will be later when you have settled in.
I think it's pretty normal not to want anyone else there during delivery, but it would be overly restrictive not to let her come to the hospital at all the day the baby is born. Accept that she probably will say something annoying and her interactions with your dad will be the same. Just minimize exposure. |
Anonymous
Agreed! I had to kick my MIL out of the delivery room. That sucked. |
Anonymous
+1 Yup. This. Is your mom prone to temper tantrums (silent of otherwise) OP? Will she withhold bing helpful after the birth if she misses out? My good friend gave birth during a hurricane - no food, no water, no electricity for two plus weeks. The MIL had a fit because she wasn't invited to the hospital, and there MIL was alone - in her FOUR bedroom house, next town over, with electricity, food and everything that MIL could ever need - but she refused to do the right thing. I imagine just about anyone else would have done the right thing, so maybe you have nothing to worry about OP. (That particular MIL has a history of being extremely, extremely selfish). |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| The nurse on the hospital tour said that if we ask they can make up a policy - ie no more than 1 support person in the room. you just have to ask the nurse to tell your parents. |
Anonymous
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Just tell her that you and your husband have decided that you want the birth of your child to be an event that the two of you, and the two of you only, share. Don't elaborate & just be firm. If you think she's the type to flout your preference, don't tell her when you're in labor.
Does she live nearby? My mom wanted to be in the room too, and I might have let her if she was local, but she lives 4+ hours away and I didn't want her lingering waiting for labor or driving like a maniac to try and get here in time. If your mom isn't local, that's an easy excuse. But still, tell her you want it to just be you guys. This will probably be just the first of many times you have to stand up for your own choices on behalf of your little family - it gets easier the more you do it. It's part of becoming a parent. Congrats! |
Anonymous
This. We did this and I love both my parents and in laws |
Anonymous
| Don't bring it up in advance. If she brings it up, say that in consultation with your doctor, you've decided that it will work best to have just your DH with you in the delivery room, and that you'll let them know as soon as the baby is born. If she pushes back, say that this plan is what works best for you and the baby, period. As someone else said, you're the parent now, and you get to make decisions that work best for your family! |
Anonymous
| If they show up tell the nurse to kick them out. |