How to nicely communicate that we don't want anyone at the hospital for the delivery?

[Anonymous]

My mom reallllly wanted to be in the room when I had my baby. I wasn't as direct as I probably should have been, but I was able to convince her that, with her living in another state, it wasn't feasible and I would so much more appreciate her coming two weeks later to "help" me, etc. Of course my kid was over a week late, we were in the hospital for 4 days, then my mom was basically there when we got home and was very dramatic and difficult for the following 10 days... but at least she wasn't in the room while I pushed for 4 hours.

I'm not sure my mom would have ever forgiven me if I had just called her from the hospital after our baby was born! I'm really curious how these other moms reacted!

My brother and his wife took a different approach that still made the grandparents grumble but at least not to the new parents! They sent an email to all grandparents and siblings around 34 weeks that said something like, "We're excited about baby Larla's upcoming arrival! We've decided to have it just be us at the hospital for the delivery but we will call if/when we are up for visitors at the hospital later. And we are really looking forward to introducing her to her grandparents and aunts and uncles when we are settled in at home!"

[Anonymous]

That above ^^. Sometimes the grandparents forget how personal and emotional having a baby is for the new parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call them after the baby arrives, not when you're in labor.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm my parents only daughter and they (well esp my mom) is expecting to be at the hospital for the birth of my first child. My parents have a very dysfunctional relationship and most of the time aren't really talking to each other and generally it's very awkward to be around them together (unfortunately they are still married). My mom stresses about everything and always finds a way to make nearly every situation about herself, which often is a result of her comparing the current situation to a situation in her own life where she was wronged. It's exhausting. She also has already expressed that she thinks that me, my DH and new baby should come stay at her house immediately following my discharge. I nipped that at the bud.

I really just want it to be myself and my DH. I have about 5 months to go, so awhile, but wondering if I should bring this up now, or wait for her to bring it up. She is going to be upset, but honestly, I don't care. This is probably my only baby and I want to feel relaxed and comfortable (as much as possible) and not have to worry about how my parents are interacting or if my mom is going to make an asinine comment.

np I can't imagine wanting to be in the delivery room with my daughter! I would want to be there only if she wanted me but, ideally at home waiting for the news.

[Anonymous]

You don't call them when you go into labor. You and DH have a story/plan for texting and responding to messages if they get suspicious. That's really the only way if they aren't going to respect your " I will call you after he's born, but I don't want anyone else at the hospital except for DH. "

[Anonymous]

I had to check the date on this because I thought maybe it was my post from 5 yrs ago. Also an only child of bickering parents. We didn’t tell my parents I was in labor until we were headed to the hospital - at the time they lived 6hr away. We told them no updates until the baby was born and it ended up being a whopping 30 hours later. They came when the baby was 4 days old. In the end my mom forgot she was hurt because - BABY! Also she admitted it would be hard for her to see me in so much pain. My parents stayed a 10 days and we’re a big help. My milk took forever to come in so I had a lot of lactation consultant visits, pediatric visits do jaundice and my mom drove me. Besides that I was Stu k in bed on a round the clock pumping and BF schedule.
I made it clear I didn’t want help “holding the baby” so I could cook. I told her I am her baby and she needed to take care of me so I could take care of my baby. She listened and did great.

Two years later my parents came over for dinner when my water broke and put my toddler to bed while my husband and I walked around the block for hours. We went to sleep at 10:30pm with orders to report to the hospital at 7am. At 12:30 am I had my first contraction and at 2:30am I had a baby in my arms. My parents found out when my husband came home at 7:30am to take my son to preschool. They need the new baby when he was less than 12h old.

[Anonymous]

Don’t tell them when you go into labor, just went the baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

My mom and MIL are both push women lacking in any sense of boundaries. I am a very private person. Mom and MIL had managed to get their way and be in the delivery room with their other daughters. They really wanted to be there with me. I'd sooner freebirth in a icy mountain river than have them within 100 miles of my delivery room.

I deliberately told them as little as possible. We flat out lied about the due date. Didn't share where I would deliver. And when I went into labor at midnight, we absolutely did not call anyone. Six hours later baby arrived and we still didn't call. It wasn't until 7 hours after the birth that we started making calls. If they were upset, they got over it.

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, OP here. I really appreciate the advice. I think I need to make sure I am not oversharing. It's just that my mom is so excited and she wants to know everything - and she's local. I feel bad not telling her, but I need to stop. My fear if I tell her that we want it to only be us is that she's going to say something like, "Well, when I was giving birth, no one was around to help me, so I don't understand why you wouldn't want all the help you can get," or something like, "Oh, am I not good enough to be there?" She makes everything about herself. It's also just difficult since her and my dad don't get along so she doesn't really comprehend the idea that you'd want to share something like this just with your spouse. It's like that concept does not make sense to her. But I know that I need to pull back on sharing and purposefully keep things vague.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to wait until she brings it up and let her know it'll just be you and your husband. This isn't a confrontation I'd invite. Do you think she'd show up uninvited?

I delivered at WHC and had to write down the names of who was allowed into delivery with me. Name not on the list? Not getting in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone, OP here. I really appreciate the advice. I think I need to make sure I am not oversharing. It's just that my mom is so excited and she wants to know everything - and she's local. I feel bad not telling her, but I need to stop. My fear if I tell her that we want it to only be us is that she's going to say something like, "Well, when I was giving birth, no one was around to help me, so I don't understand why you wouldn't want all the help you can get," or something like, "Oh, am I not good enough to be there?" She makes everything about herself. It's also just difficult since her and my dad don't get along so she doesn't really comprehend the idea that you'd want to share something like this just with your spouse. It's like that concept does not make sense to her. But I know that I need to pull back on sharing and purposefully keep things vague.

You make your bed, then you have to stick to it. You are an adult, own your choices. There are plenty of situations coming up when you’ll need to speak up for yourself and your child. Feeling bad is not a good enough reason to be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call them after the baby arrives, not when you're in labor.

+100

+200
Why is this so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call them after the baby arrives, not when you're in labor.

+1

And then tell the nurses that no one is allowed in but your husband, just in case.

[Anonymous]

OP, begin as you mean to go on. Put your foot down now before the baby gets here, because it sounds like your mother is going to need to get used to not having her way once it arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call them after the baby arrives, not when you're in labor.

+100

+200
Why is this so hard?

Because people like to publicize everything now. Social media etc. They must be the center of attention.